it's 1am

and I'm lost
i'm out of words
torn with million thoughts

The world seems sullen with grievance and distress
Consuming every ounce of strength inside me

It was too much to ask,
to much to digest

Like how sharp words could pierce right through you,
and how cold actions could tear you apart,

It was too much to take,
too much to handle

For it is everything I am and everything I ought to be.

I wonder,
I wonder how to rescue two parting hearts filled with pain and grief
I wonder how to rekindle what was once real and genuine
I wonder how to bring back what was once within, from inside out

I wonder if I would ever be enough to remind you of the love that illuminated with every exchange of breathes and kisses

I wonder
If the love
that was once pure
and ravishingly beautiful,

still lies beneath your heart

and your souls.

For up to my last breath,

i'd do everything
to find what was lost
to save what was gone

and create a new one.

I can’t contain my delight
Each time I stare at your eyes
Our connection solace the grief I hide
Shivers me inside and makes me feel alive

"hindi pa pala ako handa"

yan, yan ang mga katagang binitawan mo sakin 'nung gabing ika'y nagpasya
nung gabing ika'y nagpasyang manatili na lamang tayo sa pagitan ng magkaibigan at hindi magka-sinta

parang isang hampas ng alon na lumunod sa'kin mula sa dalampasigan na tila nagpahinto sa aking paghinga,
tulad ng ihip ng hangin na pumapatay sa apoy ng kandila,
ang siyang pagbitaw mo sa mga salitang
"nasanay na ata akong mag-isa"

parang isang eksena sa isang pelikula na tila gusto **** palitan ng mga bagong linya,
na para bagang nais **** gawan ng panibagong wakas,
ang siyang pagsambit mo sa ilusyong hindi kapa ata handang may makasama

oo, ilusyon
ilusyon kong maituturing ang hindi mo na paniniwala sa minsang inakala nating walang hanggan
sa minsang inakala kong hindi mo bibitawan
at susukuan,
tulad ng  noo'y pagkapit mo sa mga palad ko sabay sabi ng "walang iwanan"

naalala tuloy nung minsang sinabi mo
na darating ang mga oras na magiging mahina ka
na baka maguluhan ka,
o matakot ka,

at sa mga pagkakataong 'yon,
ang sabi mo sa'kin,
sana 'wag kitang bibitawan
sana 'wag kitang  susukuan

sinubukan ko,
sinubukan ko naman
sinubukan kong ilaban
sinubukan kong ipaalala ulit sa'yo lahat ng mayroon tayo,
kung gaano katotoo bawat sandali at minuto sa piling mo

ngunit siguro nga'y tama ka sa minsang sinabi mo na lahat ng bagay ay walang kasiguraduhan

na kahit gaano pa katibay ang pag-ibig na nasimulan at nabuo,
hindi ito magiging sapat para ilaban ang isang bagay na ikaw mismo ay bihag;

bihag sa isang rehas na kumupkop sa puso **** tila nasanay ng mag-isa

manhid na sa kahit anong pakiramdam at tila may mga nawawalang piraso

hindi alam kung saan naiwan o saan hahanapin,
hindi mawari kung gusto nalang hayaan o gusto pa bang buuin,
tanging tiyak na lamang sa ideyang hindi pa handang manindigan sa isang pag-ibig na minsang ginusto mo ring ilaban

hanggang dito na lang nga siguro tayo,

'hanggang dito nalang tayo",
tulad ng kantang likha niyo na hindi ko inakalang ako ang magiging bida dito

na para bagang isang bangungot na tila nagkatotoo ang "bigla" **** pagpili na manatili na lamang "sa pagitan" ng ikaw at ako at lisanin ang pagiging tayo

salamat,
salamat sa maiksing panahon ng pagpaparamdam mo sa akin ng walang hanggan

at sa pinaka-huling pagkakataon,
hayaan mo sana akong sambitin ang mga salitang to
hayaan **** ipabatid ko sa'yo ang nag-iisang bagay na gugustuhin kong mangyari sakali mang pagtagpuin ulit tayo sa panibagong yugto

na kung sakali mang sa  panahong 'yon ika'y handa na,
handa nang magmahal muli ng buo at walang takot,

pakiusap,
yakapin mo ang pagkakataong 'yon para subukang muli ang pag-ibig na minsang naging atin

kung sa panahong 'yon ay may natitira pa
akong puwang dyan sa puso mo,

pakiusap, sa panahong 'yon ay ilaban mo na ako tulad ng minsang paglaban ko sa pag-ibig ko para sa'yo



"hanggang dito nalang tayo"
hanggang sa muli,
rebelde ka at ako ang iyong sundalo.

I wonder how the stars discern us way down here,
like how beautiful we see them up there

I wonder how pink blue skies seem so ravishingly beautiful,
like how every mornings of my every day with you by my side

I wonder how the combined colors of orange and yellow and red sum up a magnificent art of sunset,
like how a combined you and me could be a masterpiece in an art gallery

I wonder how every seas and oceans send a genuine feeling of serenity,
like how surreal the feeling is whenever we listen to the scream of every waves as your hands interlace in me

I wonder how amazingly clouds turn into cotton candies and popping bubbles,
like how it remind us of our childhood during a hazy sunrise

I wonder how every drop of rain could equate to a fascinating emotion of gloominess yet contentment,
like how you satisfy me with the simplest way possible for you are so naive and spotless

I wonder how it was possible to fall in love with you
in a span of weeks and hours
and genuinely say on a morning Sunday,
"****, it was insanely and undeniably beautiful dancing with you under the rain."

Let me uncover your mask;
dig the deepest part of your soul

Let me undress your mind;
discover every piece of your home

Let me disclose your weakness;
reveal your fears and dreads

let me unveil your secrets;
and caress you gently in the wilderness

I will unravel you from all the oceans and seas;
from all the rivers and lakes;
from all the moons and stars

I will unravel you;
and then I will touch you

mend all the wounds,
heal every scar

i will never stop to unravel you,
fix you,
and your shattered heart

Our incomparable affection
Once drew me near to obsession
Maybe it’s a right decision
To end this matter of illusion

"I love you, I do, so much. but right now it scares me to settle down everything again and extend another opportunity for you to hurt me once more."

Take me.​
Take me to your sanctuary.​
Far from society.​
Far from humanity.​
​
All alone.​
With our soul connection.​
Lay with me in the midst of our love and affection.

Tigil na tayo, mahal.

Ramdam kong natabunan ng isang pagkakamali ko ang lahat ng mga alaalang nabuo natin.

Na kahit ilang beses man tayong bumalik sa isa't isa, patuloy kapa ring magdududa at patuloy **** babalikan yung araw na bigla akong nawala.

Paulit ulit mo pa ring ipapamukha sa akin kung paano ako biglang naglaho nung mga panahong ikaw ay nagbabago para sa akin.

Habang ako, ni minsan hindi ko sinubukang isumbat sa'yo ang biglaan **** paglisan nung mga panahong ikaw ang naging lakas ko.

Nang minsang nagkamali ka at nilamon ka ng tukso, hiniling ko pa din ang pananatili mo at nagpatawad ako.

Oo, pinatawad kita. Pero minsan, hindi padin pala sapat ang pagpapatawad.

Ang sabi mo ay nilalamon ka ng iyong konsenya, kaya pinili mo pa ding lumisan. Pinigilan kita, pinili mo pa din akong bitawan.

Tama na, mahal. Tama na 'to. Tigil na tayo.

Habang mayroon pang natitirang magagandang alaala na binuo nating dalawa. Habang may babalik tanawin pa akong mga ngiti, kilig at tuwa sa bawat sandali na tayo'y magkasama. Bago pa mapalitan ng mga luha at hinagpis ang mga alaalang ayokong mabura, tigil na tayo, mahal.

Ayoko nang ipilit pa. Ayoko nang manatili sa isang bagay na sinusubukan kong ipaglaban ngunit pilit **** pinagdududahan. Higit sa lahat, ayokong kalimutan kung paano kita minahal at kung paano mo ipinaramdam sa akin na karapat-dapat akong piliin kahit sa sandaling panahon na iginugol mo sa akin.

Tigil na tayo, mahal. Baka talagang hanggang dito nalang. Sapat na ang munting sandali na naging masaya ka at ako. At sa ganong paraan ko gustong maalala ang "tayo".

Salamat mahal, hanggang dito nalang tayo.

Tears brimming right through your eyes,
Trickled down on your pale face
Standing still right by your side,
I wish I could ease the pain

Let me unravel every part of you​
And discover every corner of your soul​
Let me travel right through your veins​
And stay on that place where I belong​
​
- in your heart

Come with me and let's travel the city​
​
We will capture every city lights and put them all together ​
​
We will sing together under the countless stars​
​
We will dance together in a crowded place ​
​
We will shout together in an isolated space​
​
We will utter together every good and bad **** we want​
​
****, baby.​
​
We will ******* scream to the world how much we are ******* in love with each other.​
​
We will lock fingers in every corner of the city​
​
We will hug each other beneath the twisted trees ​
​
We will kiss each other under the moonlight​
​
Come with me and let's just forget the world​
​
Coz we will create our own with the two of us alone

We kissed right beneath the stars;​
Our lips pressed together​
Your fingers locked with mine​
Our heartbeat coincide​
Leaving us in a bliss of paradise

Dark was the night,

suffocated,
intoxicated,
drained,
and exhausted

She lost all control
She can’t bear it anymore

And with her bloodshot eyes
She pulled the trigger



and finally surrendered

Your voice in a morning sunshine hallucinates every **** inside me;

it's like a drug that keeps me both sane and high

"You tore a piece of my heart and held it like a fragile glass. And right now, I am not sure if you are still cautiously holding it or letting it shatter into tiny little pieces"

"Even how sorry you felt for the mistake you've done, it would never be enough. Sometimes, all you need is to face all the consequences even if it means losing the one you love."

11|22|16

it was 26th of october when the thought of you hit me again so hard i feel like drowning

i was seating at the backseat of the bus we once rode way home trying to breathe as i held my head beside the curtain sheets of the last window

hoping that the trip was an escape from the reality of me being drowned by the deluge of emotions you gave me

but here I am again, counting every drops of rain as my tears slowly drip like a broken faucet on a highway

tell me how am i supposed to repair a broken glass if you picked up a piece of it and clenched it as if it wouldn't make you bleed?

to the point that yes,
yes you vanished right in front of me
but the thought of you remains
with every drop of blood you left as you walked away

how am i supposed to erase every drop of it,
to eradicate all the parts,
all the remains;
to remove everything you left
without heading towards from where you are?

how am I supposed to forget
the color of your eyes and the rhythm of your heart?

please,
set me free

throw the fragmented piece
of my broken soul
in the vast ocean

let me conquer every waves
and find it on my own