i've been in the valley, i've been to the peak
i've been in the wind and been in the grime
i have learned that either place can be no safe retreat
from the peak it's so steep, from the valley it's a climb

i've been at the bottom, i've been to the top
i have been to both more than one time
i have learned that either place can be a treacherous spot
from the top it's a drop, from the bottom it's a climb

we sweat the small stuff and get upset
ready to deflect what we don't expect
storms spread and we get so wet
bad weather that we'd rather forget

we preset our heads to reject
whatever we don't see as correct
we've all bled and shed tears of regret
it's our necks that we try to protect

when letting two hearts connect
reverence has the better effect
it's the common threads that we neglect
instead of accepting we choose to except

how you fade out in me:

to the last strand of intruder hair
on the cold tiled floor
no lift of gleam extols
yesterday's rumpled ticket
to a cinema
the blast of light on your
beautiful face
your keen eye on the smolder
of the word
up until the final
worn-out, knotted breath
and the tear-stain when it
started to rain and our parasols
were rid of their jejune roles
and i leaving a space
after the air prevaricates
the braid of trees in summer
still hoping
still hoping
for
you

swell of silence
  and the wrest of stars,
o'er the river my heart sings cooly
against the face of the
        somnolent moon.

my heart is etched
in the sand and the dunes
tender on in the tense heat,
and underneath the bowl
  of the afternoon, the shadows
are stripped, shattered are they,
  mending to pieces;

i see here clearly yet no sign
  of you. birds are ailing in the
distance, the boulangerie of clouds
   and the automaton trees,
  yet no you, neither an espy of you nor
     a spry child hiding behind
a flower,
      still no image of you
  here, i go mazy now, into the
   fleet of hurdled moments.

solitude has its distractions, you brought them with you when you first entered the desert
though many by default you left many behind by reason of footsteps taken
and you cannot go back on the same path you arrived because all your footprints have disappeared over time and tide
wait for a peace felt within your core and she will guide you out the blinding sand storm.

what doesn't **** you
doesn't make you stronger

it doesn't do anything at all

nothing.

as i walk through the empty hallways
i fix my gaze on the worn floor
each footstep is heavy
and drags across the hardwood
the movements have become involuntary
a product of repetitiveness
not passion
i cannot raise my eyes to the photographs hanging on the wall
these black and white remnants
of what seems to be a life of mine
lived so long ago
that I cannot recall the details

but I remember
I remember the girl
who grew up learning hatred
so ashamed of what had been given to her
and so afraid of a life untouched
I wanted so desperately to give her the world
but she destroyed my heart
and left it black and blue

and I remember
I remember the boy
with wild black hair and a voice like honey
who told me everything I thought I wanted to hear
who pulled me in so quickly
but I drew away with little pause
and so I left him
because I am just a girl and cannot give you the world

I remember the boy
who I watched settle for anything
and everything that crossed his path
wondering if I too
was just a commodity
if his plans of seeing me in a white dress
were fixated on the dress
or the soul wearing it
so he destroyed my heart
and left it black and blue

and I remember the girl
who loved everything too much
who looked at me with wonderstruck eyes
and convinced me that I could be so much more
but the skies are never clear for long
and as the dark clouds rolled in
I learned that she hated the rain
as I watched her run inside
to someone new
as I stood amidst the raging storm
while she destroyed my heart
and left it black and blue

and I remember
I still remember the boy
who looked me expecting nothing
except me
the smoke envelopes me
whistling my name
and I move in closer
closer to this warmth
this all consuming
all encompassing fire
but I am scared
I am so scared of the thought of burning out
or becoming engulfed
only to discover
that these flames are not what I want
so I run
I run far away
to safe
monotonous
empty "love"

and as I watched him fall in love under the autumn leaves
tending my scorched soul
dragging my feet along these empty hallways
realizing I destroyed my own heart
and I left it black and blue