Happiness has always been elusive
Fleeting like a crisp breeze.
Randomly uncontrollable and untamable,
but enjoyable when rarely experienced.

But that is not entirely true.

Wallowing here in my bed,
shut off from all that exists
drowning myself in my own darkness:
I am much less likely to find that breeze

I lay peacefully in bed, resting my heavy eyes
Eager to meet that long yearned for sweet slumber.
A heavy drop strikes my chest:
"Have I isolated myself all this time?"
It came out of nowhere, so unassuming
I'm certain I will drift off soon, it was nothing.
But then another. Such a sudden piercing discomfort:
"Everything about life is exhausting"
Oh god, here we go again.
The heavens open releasing a downpour of darkness
It crushes my chest with such ferocity
and destroys any hope or will that dared to linger
I try to resist, hoping I will make it through
But who am I kidding, I'm going to drown before I fall asleep
The pressure building is so intense.
My heart is going to explode any second.
I need shelter.
I jump up, get my phone
and sink into the soothing mind-numbing videos of YouTube
My little multicolored umbrella to forget about the rain
Even if only for a few solitary hours.