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memories spinning
like vinyl records
once glossy and smooth
now scratched and skips
disingenuous words
moments of silence revisited
i always wondered why you looked away when we
made love
 Oct 2014 bekka walker
Gossamer
Zero;
You
Xenophilic
Wanderer,
Vastly
Unaware
That
She
Remembers,­
Quietly
Pondering,
Ominous.
Nothing;
Maybe
Love,
Kaleidoscope
Je­alousy,
Igniting
Hatred,
Grieving
For
Everything.
Done;
Can't
Beg­in
Again.
California Missionary,
crossed the border of my heart
atop the wings of the sunkissed quail
treading tires and
skidding across proud brown bear’s abdomen

California missionary,
sped fast ‘cross Pacific Highway
spreading to us the whispers
of spirits
and the cackling sun gods

California Missionary
abandoned ceramic pots and
Christmas-tree needles
unshaven and never watered
from her shivered trunk bed and

California Missionary
taught the pages of Abraham,
squinting through sunlight and
dreaming of typewriters that
ceased to exist in the broken
Golden State

California Missionary
arrived with garlic and crystal-clear mirrors
steering her mustang clear of
cats with dark complexion
top down, in the state of
tinted sunshine and

California Missionary
left the mountains of bigotry
to tell lies of ancient scripture
that she loathed
so that she could
live
again and

California Missionary
stole the ring on her finger
that promised devotion
from a man of Christ himself
so that
California Missionary
could begin to understand
herself
 Oct 2014 bekka walker
Sombre
I am what you seek,
I seek what you are,
I avoid what you seek,
you seek what I avoid.
 Oct 2014 bekka walker
PrttyBrd
Don't you know?
All of you is beautiful to me
33014
10w
(Aye Dougie, Dougie you aight kid? Dougie!)

(Fade into me singing)

Imma tell the truth and the whole truth, cause there ain't no need to lie, and I ain't tryna keep it all inside...so I gotta testify for you and I...I testify..

Why lie! Maybe it's every guy, who's left her deprived, of every lost  moment she holds inside.
Baby, don't hide, don't cry, I promise I'm so different
It's her strength, it's my pain keeping us so disant
So much resistance
Yet, we're a perfect match
We left eachother once, but destiny brought us back
Cause you're stubborn, so am I
But girl, over time
You'll see what we do for eachother is unlike anything that rhymes,
the melody matches and sounds smooth...
Why can't I be her main dude?
I'm tryna get to know you
Please help me get through
I know it's easier to walk alone, but
Babe let me walk with you.

(Time to talk Dougie)

It seems fools never know what they want
and the certain think they can get what they can't have
I like her. I want her. I miss her.
Now tell me, is that truly something bad?
to be hoping to see her name as you wait on a "good morning" text
missing the way she would lay in your arms without any intentions of trying to have ***.
It was the feelings of having someone who just wanted you around.
It's the feeling we all search for, right? being wanted, thought about...picked up when you're down.
The feeling you can't control and never see coming
I just needed to say this ****t out loud, it was time for me to say something..

(Paused moment)

Crazy that was about a month ago..

Why must a good thing never last?
mine hit me like a blind sided accident...I guess I didn't look and she was going fast.
The past is now the past.
I wish I could trade in all the chances I missed, to help make something I truly enjoyed, last.

(Inner thoughts! Get her, dougie)

She's a wish after the candle, the angel you can't handle, a promise you want to keep, perfection...amazing in every angle.
Independent and doesn't need ya
One of a kind and a keeper,
Girl look in the mirror, you're a prize
If he ain't right, better leave em

(Phase 2, lil more Dougie)

****, I didn't want her to think I was just like every other man...
Wanted to be more than just a moment in her plans.
But I confess up, I messed up, let my heart just take over.
Should of slowed up the pace, kept that smile on her face... the old me is what sold her.

(What else?)

I remember every moment, every smile, every thing and hope you know I have nothing but the up most respect.
You've taught me so much more than you'd ever know, all amazing things and I wouldn't expect anything less.
Sorry for not being better than your past... more tranquility, less stress
I just want you to always find peace, passion and happiness...with your career, your life and all the good that may come next. (even love)
what else would you expect?

(**** kid)

Just remember people
If something made you truly happy, you should never have any regrets.


(Finish to her, kid)

Never hesitate from giving your all...more individuals would be happy today if they dropped their pride

"I don't miss her, I don't want her, I don't care...let her go"

(What!?)

Please, Oh Yeah,
p.s; I lied.

(Knew that wasn't true, hope you get her kid)
Imma keep trying. Maybe one day but know than time is the essence and patience is the perfect ingredient to every perfect receipt. I'm unlike anyone you know and I'm not tryna prove **** to you...I just want you in my life because I know what we so for eachother. If I can't...I understand just promise me that we can remain close and you only accept a better man.
)I Testify)
I should have just
Kissed you in front
of everyone
and all at once
I shouldn't have
Jumped over
the lump in my throat
To get passed
All the notes that you wrote
Ink that stained my paper skin
Stand naked & read
over and over again
There is no more begins with
Like a light switch
Your hands turned me on
and every room would shine
I sleep in pitch black now
cause you aren't mine
& I might seem fine
but at night I'm reminded
and light only brightens
the empty space on my chest
where you'll always belong
I need to unwind this tight binding on my mindset
I want to rewind time and refine all of my blind frets
without regretting anything
it's an undefined stretch
& Life isn't t i m e l e s s
time just passes
and that's
all
that
we
get
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