there was something almost magic about his hands
the way the worked so skillfully over my skin
setting ablaze my desire and hunger and thirst
raising goose bumps as he went along my body again
tracing every curve, tracing every imperfection
finally giving me what I want, what I need
my eyes wander carefully over your perfect body
I have never felt this much passion and greed
my body caresses yours in the most delicious way
hips touching hips and limbs tangled in haste
desperate kisses, longing moans, needy whispers
arching my back at his aggressive touch, hands gripping my waist

I saw him there and instantly knew
there were so many things I couldn't do
he wasn't mine and I wasn't his
but it wouldn't hurt if it was one little kiss
using his hands and me using mine
it was just a way to simply pass the time
he held me from behind and I fell
his lips on my neck, I was in a spell
I wanted him; his body, his soul
getting him in bed is my ultimate goal
I wasn't planning on falling, not at all
and it wasn't the way I pictured I'd fall
but here I am writing and there you are reading
just to let you know it's your touch I'm needing

baby my body is a masterpiece
my scars are a work of art
every battle and every victory
has had its own important part

my legs were my canvas
my blades were the paint
by night I was Picasso
and by day I was a saint

John.
Its been awhile.
But its your birthday.
I know I won't be able to write this without crying
but I'll try.
Its been a long year and a half without you.
I heard our song today and I knew that God must've been punishing me for not helping you.
I am so sorry.
I am sorry that I am the reason you are not here anymore.
I'm sorry I pushed you away instead of helping you when you needed me the most.
I am so sorry that I can't help but think that I might as well have carved your name into that stone.
I'm sorry that I got to celebrate my birthday while yours is only celebrated through those who mourn you.
I am sorry that I allowed you to get close to me when I know I am a hurricane that feels no remorse when destroying peoples' homes and forcing them to find a new one.
I'm so sorry I didn't realize my heart beats for you until yours stopped beating.
I miss you terribly.
I hope you rest in peace.
I'll be living in guilt.