i'm not afraid of dying
i'm lying when i say
i don't want to die
after all, but
life is just a cycle
they say
we are born to die

really, i am afraid
of existence
i look forward to the end
i'd never say
death scares me

i have everything i could have ever wanted..

so why won’t this aching feeling go away?
why do i still drag my feet along?

when the bridge i am walking on is made of solid gold?

No one understands how deep my pain is rooted and its complexity
Where its roots spreads to, where its leaves and flowers blossoms
No one understands as no one truly knows the origin of its seed
Where it came from and why it came to be
Why does it cluster my mind and suffocate the life out of it
And the life of others
My friends and family
Why does it hurt the ones that I love the most
Spreads without my consent
Without my permission
Targeting my loved ones heart and minds
Reaching their soul and well being
Destroying them
Killing me more more emotionally than physically
Because the destruction of those around me caused by my seed
Is worse than the destruction of myself
As one can find comfort from fading away
Maybe being swept back to the earth, where I took my first breath and hopefully my last
But that shouldn’t cause others suffering and torment
But instead relief and liberation
May god help those I love when I am no longer scouring the earth
As I love them more than I could possibly love myself
But this one thing I must do
Is selfish
Please forgive me