i isolate myself in my room and keep the lights turned low
the love i create within myself dissipates every time i breathe
you are only a figment of my imagination
my mind is the only solace even though she screams at me
i fall in love in seconds but i don't know what love is
the little girl i am knows nothing of this world
i can't live on my own
independence has never been taught to me
the only way i can stabilize is if i drown myself in concrete
who i am is not known
and who i am not is alone

i would always choke on the sweet liquid you poured into my mouth because it was just as bitter as the words you spoke
if you were to choose who you loved, i knew to reassure you it wouldn't be me
we both knew, it was surely not a surprise
when it became cold, we took off our clothes, but that was nothing new
i remember your touch but it wasn't soft, it was more of a sting
i promised i would never really love you and you would never really choose me
it's fair because we both knew
but it's almost as if the water we both swallowed was glass and the blood we would spit down each other's throats was glitter
but we both knew
you knew and i knew
we truly both knew
and i promise that i will never love you because i just won't
and that's fine because you knew
we both have always known that in our veins was hatred and i would never ******* love you

please don't read my thoughts
there is so much you don't want to know
it's dark and it's crowded and it's not healthy

someone else in my head speaks for me
please pretend you can't hear what they say
i can't speak out loud when i can't see

i don't feel this way
i don't feel it
these are not mine

please just don't read my thoughts

I get jealous even though I don't really want your attention,
but I want you to only think of me.
I get jealous that I can't be there like everyone else is,
but you don't even talk to me anymore.
I get jealous you're allowed to fall in love,
but I am not
I get jealous of how selfish you are,
because this is not about you,
but about everyone

i can't concentrate anymore
because all i think about
is your smile
and laugh
that no longer belong to me

i can't focus on anything
because all i see in my mind
is you saying goodbye
and leaving
after you promised to stay

i've learned,
that by leaving,
no one will remember
who i am
or who i could be

i broke my own heart
by wanting you
when you wanted her