in the withering whispers
as a new lore begins to grow and fade
take an oath, a vow that will linger
i still don't remember
how i forgot her face

wake me from this lonely dream
of having nothing more
before my time
in all those tales heard and seen
i can't make out which one was mine

feed me before i eat myself and
let the rust sleep through the doors
we cannot be saved from ourselves
even though, i am not who i was anymore.

this is what i remember
and this is
how it will be

and this is my december
this is my deep slumber
and this is
the only way i know how to be free

this is my memory
and there is
nothing you can take
from i

this is my city
and this is
where they all come to die

these are my blessings
mixing with my sins

i made this leash
and now it makes me want to
sleep forever


and i'll give it all away
i'll give it all to you
just to see how you'll look

and i'll sell it all away
all of me - in red and blues
just to free me from what you took

this is what i remember
and this is
how it will be

and i'll give it all away
just to have a place to be


and if you find me someday
don't disappear as soon
as i count to three

and this is what i remember
and this is
how it will be


and i'll give it all away
to find a way far from here

and i'll live it all the way
until you find me there
cutting myself open so i can see


and this is our december,
but i know you don't know how
to feel no more,

this is my thunder
and i'm drowning far too under
the blankets to feed

this is what i remember
and this is
how it will be

until i leave

and this is what i remember
this is what i breathe,
how it all will be.

this is what i remember

we do things, we say things and so we breathe,
we love things- far away things, and so we bleed-

some blue things, some red ones, and some come with ink,
some done in dusk, some burn to dusk, some are green-

some new ones, and the old ones, and some with the sheen,
turned into a few guns, two bullets- one cold sun,
and one with a dream.

and I do things, i f*ckin' say things, and so i greed,

i brew in ink and then i glue my sins, i sew the smoke rings- and then I grieve;

i confuse things- in a few drinks, and the smoke will be freed

so, I can feed- forever, going 'round in circles.  whatsoever for, sleep ?

rest in peace
inside my mind, in my heart
with love and the pieces

you never know what you're
about to learn, or burn

until it reaches the throne
on the stone, the third rock
beyond the shine, where you've
been seated.

here without you,
i too have - all i've ever needed
the secrets, and the pages

and nobody can read it.

and you can bleed it, feed it,
you're my only, the only i have
ever needed.

here without you
i'll try to fill myself with
everything you've left me behind

i'll set myself on fire
and lock myself in, in time,

maketh the man,

and keep it.

---

hello darkness my lone friend
tell the truth of what we've become

i can't see in the dark
and i know you're lost too
without a clue in the blues
breathing in the violet violence

listening to the silence
waiting for us to make a sound

but no one's ever gonna
come around

and the day will go on
just the same, here without you

we'll never be found in our pains
and that's all there is to it


six feet deep into the ground
heart first into the coal

and the charcoal skies still speak
of the rains that drowned out the noise
and they ******* scream about you

they scream in my brain
and they dream in my heart
they find a way to tear me apart
but they find a reason to make me
fear the shards, the sharp and sharks

swimming, and breathing a firestorm
and there are no angels only a
thunderstorm, bleeding what is gone

---
written in the stones
on the snow covered trees
and i swear, i'll miss your voice
for as far as i can see

and i'll make your void
a part of me, as far as i'm free

and i swear, i'll love you today
and i promise i'll love you
now and every day for the rest
of my life, here without you

so, sleep my child
and i'll be there for you
singing to you a new lullaby
every night for the rest of
my life, here without you

and i don't care
if nothing again is ever
about you

and i won't fear even
if ever it starts to pain again

i'll be here, i swear,
here without you.

here without you,
and always be about you.

and i'll be here till i hear,
i will, and i swear, until you
make me find a reason
to remind me,

nothing is, and will be
ever without you

here without you.

so many things playing
in my mind

some with fire and
some with stones

some with ice and
some with desires


some same and the strange
some with twice the price
and some with things strange
in love with the throne

maybe i've lost all that i have known
maybe i don't like the nice world
it hurts and i contemplate

i try to weave it in into words
and navigate my way

say it in two words or less
or they're gonna' lose what they
cannot comprehend or barricade

i wish i could learn how
to use them bullets and not
hesitate when it precipitates

the heat is too much
and the world's going dark

help me find somebody to love;
i don't mind the bodies until they
burn, find me somebody to participate

in my own disintegration
degradation into my sworn filth

the worms swarm into my veins
and atop the blue cascading hills

my mind is casablanca
there are torn castles and
the ruins of a queens thrill


there are screams and more
screams and more screams
and they dream and they scream
more screams and the dream
is broken.

my eyes are open

and there's a man
staring down at me

three in the morning.

and there's not a mirage
in this room, with this gloom.

here comes the doom.

boom. blossom. monsoon.
the sun. moon. and the stars.

scars and hours.

through the ever glow till
the ever last,

planets near and far,
a cosmos far too blind.

oh, of all the things playing
in my mind.

and the tomorrow

will it be any different ?

a thousand year old
constellation crashing
down after a billion years of spring

will it be coherent ?

when the dust fades
and the smoke travels back
deep within,

will it be transparent ?

the sky and the moon
the sun and the monsoon
the love forever and the gloom

though it's only september
i can see another december
beyond the pines- behind the doom

blossoming, in love with the fall
as i sit and contemplate the dark,
that has engulfed this room,

the kid must die,
and the kid is dead

so kiss him good-bye
before he loses his head

put him to sleep
i know he wants to rest
and dream his life away.

the seed must unfold into
a forest, lest the barren tides
will sweep all away; in ways.


metamorphosis can happen
tomorrow, always.


so, let the kid die;
and the kid is dead.

too late to hide
to pretend to be a namesake
forsake the people
and go deeper
deeper than the knife
you can take

it's not all about life
everybody is alive
and the dead won't tell
you any of their secrets

walking in dark alleys
watching faces go blur
from one station to the next
and they know- and I know
they won't comprehend my laws

i come in the end
and then come my flaws

i eat my brain in ways
no spices, or dices
no gamble, there's ample
to cry about, and the ice
won't thaw

keep following me
but you'll lose me too
you won't know a thing
because everything makes
no sense

no, it won't make no sense
at all, cause' you can't fill my shoes

the noose is loose
and i hear the whispers
of the fall- i'm gonna fall

i was never meant to exist
but i lived and i loved and i crawled
and i sipped on my sins, neck
too deep in the water and the
laughter won't let the boat sink

i hope i can cope with the world
when it's my time to be sober

right now I'm in pain

but I'm so afraid

what if tomorrow- like that,
it's over ?


it won't be all over the news
nothing new- people die all the time
you don't know my mind
and i don't know yours and
i don't know mine, and you
don't know yours and even if
we want to- we can't- and i know
it'll haunt you, me, us- but it was
so wrong of us to never find the time
to make a better world,

words- smoke and the rebel
a broken heart that hurts
words choke me and the pebbles
roll down the hills, and submerge
the rock in its grave-

it's safe to say, we can't stop ourselves
from making the same mistakes
the longer you ink, the more it fades
the longer you blink, the better it breaks

brittle to the core, too late too little
so, come hither and i'll tell you
all about how i ******* wake
everyday without a soul.

it's true, i don't want to live anymore
i've given up on that- but i can't
stop bteathing- i've tried and all
it does is makes me ******* grow.

they tried to burn me down
and now the whole town knows
the ******* lore

come **** with me
i scream in my dreams
and i never lock the door

you think you know me
i implore you to explore
you can't even follow my rhymes
you think you can map my mind
and i won't just explode ?


you can't claim whoever i am not
to be, you see- the blind don't care
if you roar, and i'm too deaf and dumb
to be stupid enough to not **** the
cupid, that cute kid, this cute sh*t-
so ******* crude and sick,

and when you taste the blues-
you forget all that must have
come before,
sometimes ignorance is bliss,
but that one rhyme, back one line
the thought in my mind

but oh, i can't tell you
how beautiful a mind can be
when it sees the light

it's fine by me, i don't find
reality to be that much saner
of the things i'm not sure

so, i implore
let me die, good-bye.

(i have died)

and all that will be left of it
will be another night.

(a good day to die)