White centered

“If your skins colored you don’t matter”
You can get robbed, shot, stabbed, and smothered
And no one will blink twice
You can wake up with chills of sweat soaking down your sheets
Screams created from gunfire and and bullet wounds dying on your lips
But if your colored, it didn’t happen.
You can grow up playing make believe with syringes as planes and the empty carton of cigarillos as cars
Left Unsupervised as your parents get high
End up lost to the streets or running them with blood money
Spending your days Scraping at your skin with bitter yellow nails and hazy red eyes, desperate for that next fix
Until the days bleed together and crust over like thick yellow **** from an infected wound
“Just say no” they’ll tell you
But when it’s Sarah? With the pretty smooth hair and thin figure
When it’s Sarah with, her pale skin turned alabaster and gaunt from crack
Well that’s a different story
When it’s Kevin who wants to burn the world because the nightmares have begun to bleed into reality
Well, that’s a different story.
So they teach us when we’re young, to keep our heads down
How to avoid cops, and what to wear to look the least threatening
How to cry where no one can see, how swallow your pride and how to look the other way
How to be proud to be called an Oreo,
Black on the outside
But with a White Center

They say I ran into the street
With Angels did I try to meet?
They say they saw me bleeding dead
The end of a life I had not yet led.
They say they brought me back to life
But whose happiness did they sacrifice?
They say I’ll be good as new
Out of truths, but lies...they had a few
They say that I think I’ve got it rough
But that I’m not doing enough
They say that it was all my fault
Faced with something I never sought
I say that I am half alive
For peace, I will always strive.
I say that even as I cried
Even as I wish I died.
They say I ran into the street
I wonder why they didn’t let me sleep

I’m locked in a room
Click. Click. Click
That’s far too bright
Click. Click. Click
But there is no room
Click. Click. Click
There’s swirling thoughts so twisted with fright
Click. Click. Click
I’m chained in this chair and they won’t stop watching!
Click click. Click click
Chaotic and scrambled. This is too bright.
It’s wreathing and squirming, with no signs of stopping.
Please someone turn off the light!
I don’t want to see, I don’t want to know
Get these demons out of my sight!
I’m chained in this chair
In a room far too bright
I’m starting to think, no one cares.
Please shut down my mind
Turn off my light
My thoughts are far from kind.
Tick tick. Tick tick.
I’m out of time

Remember* the good times
For they'll surely come to pass
Remember all the* Jokes
And *Remember all the laughs
For one day
They just might be your *last
And Don't Be afraid to love
Even though you're surely going to cry
But don't forget about the laughs
For you never know  when they will be your last
So savor *all the Good Times
And *cry about the Bad
Because Today's all that Matters
so it's  ok, to be sad.

Does it not Make sense,
To want to end
Your own life?
To comence the deed
That for you,
MUST be done
To undo the life
That was so carelessly
Bestowed upon you
Does it NOT MAKE SENSE
That all these 'Little things'
Are causing my miseries
That they have written my ending?
That these DRAMA'S
Have destroyed the beginning
Before it has begun!
The Bell! The bell!
The bell has been rung.
And down they slide
A poison a knife
More tears for sacrifice
Help! Help!
The Heart is gone!
Anguish has taken,
The lights been forsaken
The song...the song!
The song has been sung.
No going back.
To smiles and cheers.
All that is left...
Is pain and tears.
Because the DEAD cannot DIE
Without leaving behind
More hurt to be sold.
Leaving love to cry Why
And letting it shrivel away
Inside.
The bell...the bell
Yes the bell hath been rung.
A beginning Destroyed
Long before it begun
This is no prayer,
For the lovers and weeper
Or the pleaders and mourners.
This is no prayer at all.
For death and the Dying ,
Now in their coffins they lay
Have made their beds,
So you see
This is a poem for the dead.

A pretty little smile,
To cover all
The self hatred inside.
You won't see behind my mask.
I won't tell a soul,
Don't say a word
Hush Hush
Because I can't trust
You.
No I won't.
I'll lock myself away.
Not a word that I will say.
SMILING! SMILING!
They're all around.
They're smiling!
My friends...
Whisper cruel words
Like snakes.
Their venom peirces my heart.
Red liquid fills my safe.
But still...
There's a smile
On my face.
The laughter Burns my throat
The Lonely eats my soul
The hate chills my heart
Oh all the smiles all around
Spitting false words of friendships
The snakes surround.
So no...
I won't let you in.
I will shrivil
And DIE.
On the inside
Ill be free from pain
With pain
Caused by me.
This blade I stain,
Is my serenity
But it's killing me.
There's SMILES ALL AROUND!
EVEN
AS
I DROWN!
What did you DO TO ME?!?!
My blood is choking me!
Red liquid fills my safe
Where I should BE SAFE
I'M DROWNING IN THIS
                    RED!
I'm drowning in
THE BLOOD I
                 BLED.
But still...
          With a pretty
                 SMILE
To
               Hide
My
               Pain

Are you just using me?
Am I temporary?
I want to hold you tight,
but have to let you go.
Silly me,
I should know,
You could never
truly like me.
I think you should go.
I can't do this anymore!
I feel like a *****.
I'm your lover,
Behind closed doors.
But in front of all
I'm a friend.
And nothing more.
I can't keep doing this
To me.
What are we?!
I feel like
A secret
A ***** little secret
And I don't know
If I can keep it.
You told me not to tell.
But as my eyes begin
To swell,
With hidden tears
I refuse to voice
Any of my fears.
I want to be close to you.
I want t be your friend.
But your hurting me
Again and again
Will it never end?!
Ah! Oh the cruelty of men!
How much more
Can my heart bend
Before it BREAKS?
Before I Break...
I'm sick of coming
In second place.
I'm tired of running
This never ending
Race.
Yet...
I could never say this
To your face.
I'm pathetic.
I'm worthless
And I'm beginning to feel
As though I've earned this
Is this my fate?
To never find my one true soul mate?
This is the end...
Goodbye my friend

I'm like your Swear Jar.
Whenever you mess up,
And let naughty words slip,
You toss a nickel in.
And everytime you lie
Everytime you cry over them
Yet another nickel will go in.

I'm your Charity case.
Filled with blind hopes and dreams.
Living on faith that things will get better.
Yet always knowing,
No amount of nickels and tears
Could clear the air
Of the words you've said.

I'm like your punching bag.
Catching all of your blows,
Easing your pain
Trying to bring you
To tranquility again.

But sometimes

I'm your pillow.
Soaking up your tears
The only one
Who's heard all of your fears.
Day after day
I bear your weight.
Because. ..

YOU ARE MY CAGE.
Making sure I can NEVER ESCAPE.
TRAPPING me with your soft embraces.
And PROMISES of what we'll do,
With ALL THE NICKELS THAT WE'LL SAVE.
I'M YOUR MISTAKE JAR.
FILLED TO THE BRIM
WITH ALL YOUR LIES.
AND HOLDING ALL OUR FALSE HOPES
AND DREAMS.

I'M YOUR SWEAR JAR.
only wanted when your
HURTING.

Dear *
You know I love you right?
That I would do anything for you..
Except I guess...
That's not quite true.
I couldn't keep living for you.
I tried! I really did.
I just can't.
The best way for me to describe it,
Is tired.
I feel TIRED.
I feel SICK.
And not the sick a doctor can cure.
I am SICK of MYSELF.
I am sick of looking at myself,
And seeing right through my mask.
I tried...
I tried!
I went to the counselor
It didn't help...
She didn't understand
It wasn't just a ROUGH DAY.
It's EVERY DAY.
It's when I wake up...
And CRY because I DID.
It's when I cut my wrist...
But missed.
It's when I feel like
I'm being DRAGGED DOWN.
and I can't GET UP.
I'm so sorry,
I tried...
I TRIED?!?
I love you...
But I HATE living.
But your strong right?
Here's somthing your better than me at,
Living.

         .               Love

You always hear,
How, 'so prepared' people are,
To die. To watch another die.
And why not believe them?
After all, it's on T.v.
Splashed around in ****** scenes
In movies oh so ruthlessly.
Oh but in reality!
They are wrong.
Death is consuming.
It eats at your soul,
Looming over you and laughing.
Knowing that there's not a **** thing,
That you can do.
Not. A god. **** . Thing.
In Reality, in your heart,
The world has stopped.
Been ripped apart.
Everything you've come to value,
To understand, to love to accept
All of it....
And you become inept.
The fragile world
built upon constant faces
Burn.
They go from a smolder to a roar!
More nightmares,
than you have ever seen before!
And as the ashes build you begin to choke,
Oh and the worst part is,
The world keeps on turning!
It's a joke!
Another laugh made by fates cruel hands
So the world doesn't stop
It doesn't care.
it smirks as death takes its hold,
and if you aren't one of the lucky,
One of the few
Who can escape the aftershock.
Misery shall catch you.
And once it's in you'll wither away!
Forced to live every wretched day
Wondering,
how?!?!
How does this world still turn?!?
Screaming
Why?!?
Yes...why...
The worst part of death...
Is the why.
But why?

There's a weight in my chest,
Dear God,
I'm so Depressed.
I'm not crying,
No, I'm screaming.
I'm so stressed,
I'm sorry Lord,
But I must confess:
That even though
I tell you all my Sins,
This cycle Never Ends.
I wake up,
As though I never went to sleep.
Sweet Jesus,
Even as I weep,
For all the promises I can't keep.
There are Demons,
That plague my dreams.
Even worse are the demons,
That hide as humans.
I'm at the edge of my sanity,
No light, no hope,
I am loosing my humanity.
I'm just a beast,
Hiding under a smile.
My misery is my feast.
This monster is killing,
The once sweet girl,
That was living.
That once sweet Girl that I used to be.
Sweet Mother Mary,
Please end my suffering,
I cannot win.
There is nothing,
That can save me
From myself.
I walk this earth,
No this Hell.
Hoping They can see,
This monster that lives within me.
Is it wrong,
That as I plan to end my life,
I'm hoping God will understand,
My Sacrifice?
Is it wrong that I'm still praying,
For help,
For a saviour,
For eternal peace,
For Heaven at least.

If I drown today,                                  
            Would you miss me?                              
Would you cry?    
  Please dont lie.  
I want a reason
Not to die.
  I do, I really do...
                   I promise you.                                        
                 When I'm gone,                                
                  Do you feel it?                                
Do you care?
I can't think straight.
Are you my friend?
I can't tell anymore.
Who am I living for?!
I'm buried in hate,
And I can't handle the weight.
It's pushing me down.
It's making me drown.
But I wont let you see.
What will you do?
Frown?
No.
I don't think so.
I won't let you see.
This pain,
That's eating me.
I'll smile and I'll be fine.
If only for a little while.
As I sink,
    I can't sleep,
a wink.
       Its festering;
Rotting
        From the inside.
It's chilling,
And it's killing,
Me.
        I can't tell anyone,
           from someone.
   This hate
    This pain,
          Its too much...
                 Please don't touch,
          Me.
             I'll break.
             I swear I will.
                 Its filling my throat,
                    It's stinging my cheeks,
                   This pain I weep,
                   My misery to keep.