1104

The Crickets sang
And set the Sun
And Workmen finished one by one
Their Seam the Day upon.

The low Grass loaded with the Dew
The Twilight stood, as Strangers do
With Hat in Hand, polite and new
To stay as if, or go.

A Vastness, as a Neighbor, came,
A Wisdom, without Face, or Name,
A Peace, as Hemispheres at Home
And so the Night became.

I watch my reflection in the mirror
with my pale blue eyes
watching my lifeless stature in the dark
bones made out of gelatin
and my heart out of fragile glass
that breaks everytime i see myself

My fingertops softly touch my face
Tears keep coming faster
till my waterlines are overflowing
My nails grow sharper
and my fingers cramp
digging holes under my eyes
I want to shatter my bones
And burn my skin to ashes
I want to rip the hair from my scalp
as well as all the pages
filled with frustration
scratching and screaming
I have to be pretty

but the need for it grows
as well as the demons inside my soul

"I'm alone in this world, with god
by my side.
I miss the hugs, the kisses, and the roller coaster rides.
To be kids once again, surrounded with all that joy.
Choosing sides for a baseball game, and never wanting to let
go of your favorite toy.
Time had passed so quickly, like so many leaves that fall
from the trees.
They float through the air, then are blown away
just as the recent years.
Memories company my loneliness, some
wonderful, some sad.
Yet it's the memory of you that makes my
alone seem it's not all that bad."

Should I close my eyes and never wake,
sleep forever
would you take a vow of chastity
remember me
could you wait out eternity
hold back emotionally?
honestly
I wouldn't want you to
go through life alone.
I'd like you to
meet someone new
someone who
will make you
smile again and
forget the pain.
If I am gone
remember me but life
goes on.

Dearest daughter, we are told as small children that little girls should be "sugar and spice and everything nice." Don't believe that! Here are a few lessons I've learned thus far.  Take them or leave them. I am here only to guide you and protect you on your chosen path.

1. Never let anyone degrade you or cause you to feel bad about yourself.  You were born perfectly divine and deserve to be treated as such.

2. Don't compare your body or looks to the women in magazines, online, or on T.V. Technology can erase any imperfection with the click of a button. We are all built differently and uniquely.  It is a woman's inner beauty and confidence that shines.

3. Don't get caught up in thinking trends, fashions or name brands are important.  It's the person behind the designer watch, under the highlights and perfectly fake fingernails that will or won't make her mark on this world.

4. Choose girl friends wisely. A true friend will defend you even when you aren't around to hear it. Keep company with people who lift you up, not bring you down.  There's nothing more inspiring and centering than spending time with other like-minded women.

5. Never intentionally hurt or degrade another human being.  Words can be as hurtful as weapons.  Your words have the power to lift a person's spirit or damage it beyond repair.

6. Don't be afraid to question authority or take a stand for something you believe in.  The world has enough followers. BE A LEADER.

7. Your education has a powerful influence on your future.  Take school seriously; knowledge is power.  Learn as much as you can when given the opportunity no matter where you are at that time.

8.  Just because a boy says he loves or cares for you doesn't mean he does.  Pay attention to what he DOES.

9. Don't ever stay with a guy who hits, controls or cheats.  Love shouldn't hurt.  Get rid of him immediately!

10. Take opportunities to travel, meet new people and have new experiences.  Don't be so focused on getting married and having children at a time when you are still discovering your talents and gifts.

11. When you are ready to settle down, choose your husband carefully.  He should be kind, generous, and loving.  These are the qualities that make a good husband and father.

12. Stop and take time to notice a pretty flower when you see one. Feel the cool breeze when the wind shifts.  Be in awe of the millions of stars at night. Enjoy the melody of a bluejay outside your window.  Notice beauty in every person you meet. For these are the ways God is revealed to you everyday.

13.  Know that you are never alone even when it feels like you are.  This one will try to trick you throughout life.  Call its bluff!

14.  Don't be so concerned with acquiring money and things.  You came into this world with nothing and you will leave with nothing.  People are often disconnected from spirit because they are so concerned with material objects and status that they start to believe they ARE what they DO and what they HAVE.  When you can't do anymore or lost the things you had, you will be left with nothing but spirit anyway.

15. Realize the power and influence you have just by being a woman.  Women are the mothers who shape our future generations.  If we protect and educate girls and women, we save the world.

I am sure I will learn as much and more from you as you learn from me.  Welcome to the world little one.  Make your mark and make it a big one!

Love always and forever (even when you forget these words of advice),
Your Mom, Mommy, Mama