An echo in time reverberating reaches me again and again - - louder each succession

The silhouette of a suicide splatters the pavement just over my shoulder

-A piece of trash to be thrown away.

But disregard this dismissal, I'm still with you now.

This stain's presence is undeniable though, you know this has to happen eventually...

I feel as though the truth itself is captive in all this, for to speak it's name is to summon it's awful presence.

-A punishable offense to be met with seizure and entrapment in the name of greater good (Bah!)

Tell me though, who gave you the right to take the right away from me?

Perhaps one day you'll learn to understand this; that not all choices are given, some are simply ****** upon you.

The option is optional, but the choice is not given.

The last picture I have of you in my mind was with blood on your lips
the way you smiled and told me not to be afraid
even though you were the one dying

How my hands felt too small as I tried to catch the life that was running out of you and put it back
but it just kept slipping through my fingers

My last memory of you was holding my hand as we walked together
not that we were in love
just because you were my friend and I liked knowing you were always right there

Telling stories about ghosts that dwelled in the halls of our school as we sat in detention together
for a fight we never started

When you rescued me
but all the teacher saw was you
with blood on your fist
and me
right there beside you

When you came to school with bruises
but still smiled

You fell at the park you would say and laugh
a laugh that made your eyes sparkle
like you read about in romantic books

But I knew

You never fell

You were the grace in my awkward silence of a life
you flew when I crawled, smiled when I could only look on in awe and wonder how
how the park was never the reason you came carrying your own pain as much as mine

Could still say you loved the man badly playing the part of a father
though really he was just a man that lived with your mother

When he was the reason you lied to our teacher
that you had fought with your brother
the reason you had come to me with an eye so black it was nearly shut

I never told you I knew you were an only child

I watched in awe of how you could love so intensly and completely that nothing ever touched your heart
not even when it broke your skin

I watched your life burn like a bonfire
beautiful and intense
you were the passion in everything

I was a candle flame beside your light
flickering with fear and doubt
but your spirit never dimmed
and your warmth gave me hope

Be strong you said
be brave and never afraid
like you always knew

Knew that the most passionate and brightest fires burn the fastest
like the kindness, love and acceptance we try so hard to learn in our candle flame lives
you always knew

Your fire loved everything
from the sunlight to the bruises
the rainy days
school yard fights
and my tears on your face

The harsh color of the blood on your lips
never could hold anything to the light of your flame

Don't be afraid said the bonfire to the candle
some day we all go out

There's more to suicide than what we think it is.
It's not just unanswered questions,
sometimes, it's unasked ones.

Glass ticking like cold plastic

My fingers thrum hopelessly in the hopes of drumming up a solution to a problem with an issue of loss.

This dilemma has found me at the end of my rope and I fear the knots in my stomach are only getting tighter as I squeeze you closer to me now.

Why can't I help me?

I won't let you do it for me.

But must I force feed you the truth?

I'm not hungry for this day any more. Fighting this sickness, I choke back another spoonful of medicine...
--And what am I supposed to do now then?!

Frustration consumes me.
I am bile. The emptiness inside, that fills me with rot.

I'm hollow!!

Somebody save me from myself!   I want to self-destruct and not be okay anymore.

I want to fly a Subaru into the sun on fire.
I'm just so ******.

Just leave me behind and maybe I can decompose into something useful and that actually wants to be here and maybe after that I can finally float away from here...

Wouldn't that be okay?
Why should I have to stay.

I never belonged here any way.