"I could be given all the attention in the world and id still be waiting for you to come back"

I was stupid to think i actually meant something to you.

thinking of him instantly brought me into a bawling fest & my throat started to choke and i started weasing with tears drowning my face and all i could think about was how our love felt like a fairy tale & now i come to realize that me trying to not miss him only makes me miss him a thousand times more and then my mask falls off, the real me comes out, and it hits me that im so broken and i dont know how much longer i can hide it.

I want someone to fall inlove with the way i laugh, & the way i always make goofy faces, and the way i playfully dance to songs, and the way I freak out when i see a good skyline, and the way i love hearing other people laugh, and the way i say aw when i get embarrassed, and the way i  just act like a little kid sometimes.. I just want someone to fall in love with the actual me. Not my looks, or my body.... Just me.

I want to forget about you
So that maybe i can be happy again...

Its like you're carved into my skull because i can never stop thinking about how perfect you are to me.

This is complete torture..

WHY CANT YOU JUST GET OUT OF MY HEAD

im trying so hard to hold back the tears...
if i cry my friend will know somethings wrong with me
i dont want him to know im torn to pieces...
this *****.
i didnt want this to happen....
now youre out of my life.
****
i ****** up
i shouldve kept my mouth closed..
why!
why does this have to happen to me?
i can never get a break from this pain...
i hate this
i hate this
i hate this

when will i be able to actually be happy?
i wont have to hide my real feelings anymore?
ugh i hate this

There isn't a day that goes by where you don't cross my mind. There isn't a night where i don't find myself hankering to call you mine again. When you left, i fell to pieces and those pieces scattered everywhere. I have the habit of looking for you at the bottom of a ***** bottle. Im drowning and my bloods slowly but surely turning to alcohol and before i know it I'm not gonna be able to find those scattered pieces to put myself back together again.

Let's remember the nights
Where
We ran our fingers through eachothers hair

I traced your chest with my fingers
I could feel the connection
Just like it used to be
You and me
We were one

Lay your head on my stomach
Wrap your arms around my waste

Kiss me softly

Pull me into you
Squeeze me tightly

Kiss me softly

I miss you

...


Every ******* day.

Everytime i talk about memories between us i feel myself light up and feel the big smile forming, the one you always left on my face.

Then i realize those are the past, and nows the future without you to share unforgettable memories with like i used to.

...*sigh

You never used to make me nervous.
You didn't have the capability to do so.

I was so INLOVE with you
So infatuated with your presence.

Now you're gone...

Every time we talk, i get nervous.
Scared i might say the wrong thing
And you'll just end the conversation...

When I'm with you, I get nervous.
If i make the wrong move, you'll look at me with confusion & disgust...

When i touch you, I get nervous.
Afraid my lips might contact yours &
You'll push me away...

We aren't together.
And now
You have the capability
To make
Me nervous...

I JUST WANNA TELL YOU HOW BAD YOU ****** UP WHEN YOU DECIDED TO LET ME GO BECAUSE I GUARANTEE YOU WONT EVER FIND A GIRL THAT WOULD LOVE YOU AS MUCH AS I WOULD AND CARE FOR YOU AS MUCH AS I WOULD AND MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD AND TREAT YOU LIKE ROYALTY  THE WAY THAT I WOULD FOR YOU. YOU GAVE UP A GIRL THAT WOULD SACRIFICE ANYTHING TO BE YOURS BUT I KNOW YOU DONT GIVE A ****. ONE DAY A GUY WILL LOVE ME THE WAY I WANT TO LOVE YOU & WHEN YOU REALIZE HOW GOOD YOU HAD IT, ITS GONNA BE TO ******* LATE.

Everything in my life has damaged me in some way but it's also made me into the person i am today. I'm proud of who I am, in a way. Sometimes i throw a fit if i don't get what I want but in the end i realize i can't always get what I want.

People tell me to always think positive and having a negative thought process isn't gonna get me anywhere, but, i think of the worst to prepare myself.

What the **** am i writing... This is stupid.

Hearing your voice creates a giant pit in my stomach.

My pillow reeks of the smell of you.

WHY CAN YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I WANT YOU AND ONLY YOU!

I can't stand the thought of someone else kissing your lips..
They used to be mine.
You used to be mine

I miss you so much..

If I was a book
Every page would be ripped.

When I'm drunk I still feel crazy for you
Not a bone in my body could hate you.

You were the best thing that ever happened to me & you slipped away..

I am drunk and all i wanna do is call you up and tell you how much i love you

How much you make me happy.

I can't do that because we aren't together anymore...

It's been 8 ******* horrible months without you.

All i want is you...

I love you.


I am drunk and all i wanna do is tell you how i feel...

I can't.

Why do i do this to myself?

I want you.
In silence i beg for your attention.
I just wanna be able to love you & treat you right.

You push me away.
Every chance you get.

I cry myself to sleep sometimes
Cause the feeling of unwantedness you bring to me drives me insane.

Why don't you reply?
Why don't you want me?

Your words say one thing
Your actions say another

Your hands create a beautiful story on my body.
Your lips makes the butterflies in my stomach go crazy.

In the morning you disappear...

I just want to love you like you deserve.

I stare into the darkness of the room, tears running down my face.
Silence.
Nothing comes to mind but you.
You
You
You
******.
Why cant i forget about you?
Why wont my heart let you go?
******.
I wish this wasnt so hard.
You got over me in an instant,
Why cant i get over you?
******.