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 Jul 2014 Amaranthine
Susana
darling, if you knew
how i shape the sea for you
and my mind is infected
with thoughts of depth so great
i'm diving and never coming back
you make me mad
oh, if you knew
how i'm addicted to you
and the thought of my tenderness
whenever you invade my head
you're this odd sickness
because you only make me feel ill
when you leave
 Jul 2014 Amaranthine
Unknown
Why do you even stand
When you're with closed eyes and empty hands
Just lay down
Lay down

Where do you fall in line
With a heart of stone and a dead mind
Just turn around
Turn around

What is the price of love
When you feel so down and I'm above
Just let me go
Let me go

What are the words to say
When all my gifts you've thrown away
Just close your eyes
Close your eyes

Don't ask me not to leave
When your every smile is make believe
Just walk away
*I'm walking away
 Jul 2014 Amaranthine
bones
If today
the anxiety
boiling
my head
boils it
inside out
and today
is the day
looks
really can
****, then
today I
shall have
to be
careful
to avoid
at all times
still water
polished metal
plate glass and
people in
sunglasses,
because today
(or any day)
I don't
want to
be a victim
of reflective
suicide..
 Jul 2014 Amaranthine
Hollow
August

One foot forward, I said
And she listened, gingerly taking her first step
I held onto her shoulders as she marched
Forward unto revival

You'll be back in no time
Were the last words I spoke to her
And upon her farewell
I wept tears of hope
And loss

- *
September -

I remember hearing car doors close shut
On the days where I sat
Atop my window sill
And I would peak out
From behind my curtains
With wishful thinking

And I remember the sting of pain
When it was someone else
So I would let the curtains close
Like the end of so many
Epic plays
And the audience would not applaud

-
October -

I made a little girl cry
On Halloween
I sat in wait
Forgetting the significance
Of costumes
And sugary give outs
Remembering only the taste
Of something much sweeter
But it had been months

The knock on the door
Was like the beating in my chest
And I sprang up in some
Newfound excited hopefulness
But I had let myself down
And the little girl at my door
Dressed like a dinosaur
Was no match for the beast
Inside of myself

GO HOME!
They all heard me
Parents and antsy children alike
Who walked by in search of joy
And the stares were unbearable
The little girl who cried
Never saw that my eyes matched hers
As she fled into the night

I sat with my back against the door
And cried until the waves of exhaustion
Took me away

-
November -

Only the night would get me
Out of bed
Many times I found myself walking
Along some unfamiliar road
Winding through darkness
Like the twists and turns in my mind

Sometimes I ran
Like I was being chased
And the cool air of the night
Would fill my lungs
And when I was tired
I continued running

Emotions had been all but drained
And the feeling of loss
Was replaced with
Emptiness
Nothing
Void
0

But somewhere
Pressed underneath folds of carelessness
Was an inkling of hope
A spark of optimism
That kept me alive

-
December -

I remember the funeral
Where along with my only love
Was buried my soul
My spirit
And my heart

I was asked to speak of her
And her family bade me luck

When all was silent
And the ears
Longing for closure
Were tuned to my presence
I opened my mouth
And said nothing

No one had noticed the blood
Dripping from my wrists
But they all saw
Abigail's collapse

My head swung forward
Smashing into the podium
I remember being sideways
As blurs rose to block out
What little visions remained

And then I asked one thing
In my stupor

Is she better now?

-
January* -

The two who gave me life
Made me stay inside my room
Because I tried to take what was mine

I would sit atop my window sill
Knees pulled tightly to my chest
And I would stare outside
Watching for the red hair
Waiting for the car to pull up
And her to get out and stretch her legs

She would look up and see me
Her eyes would tear, and she would
Run inside to me

I would kiss her and never let her go
But instead, it's all the same
People come and go
Friends visit
Seasons change
And the world moves on without her
Without me
Rest in peace my love.
 Jul 2014 Amaranthine
Hollow
...that I am afraid to fall in love because...
...the past never dies.
 Jul 2014 Amaranthine
Hollow
I am French and Coloradonian.
I strongly dislike the color orange. Purple is better.
I love vanilla ice cream.
I don't like chocolate flavored anything. It tastes weird to me.
I haven't watched TV in nearly five years.
I haven't gone a day without music.
I am married to my guitar. Her name is Nora.
My best friend is Monty the Dog. He is a dog.
I am attracted to women.
I am a ****** to men.
I think red heads are ******* hot.
I like the number 50.
Facebook is evil. The NSA watches you.
I used ****** for six months.
I snorted ******* for a few months as well.
I smoke *** currently.
I smoke cigarettes currently.
If I had to give up everything, and could only keep one thing...
...I'd keep coffee.
I love Coffee.
My sister Chelsea tried to **** me. *****.
I am random, and can't keep on one subject for too long.
Ooh! Shiny things!
Poetry has kept me on this road for years.
I once wrote a song about pizza. It's probably my best song.
I don't like pizza.
I used to have long hair, but it tried to strangle me in my sleep, so I killed it.
For some stupid reason, my mother named me Abigail Hollow.
(last name excluded)
Why would she do that? I don't know.
I still have a razor flip phone. All the rage, years ago.
I haven't slept on a bed in four years.
I order McDonalds food for Monty the Dog. He's the only one who eats it...
The only girl I ever truly loved died of cancer.
My mom wants me to come home.
I don't believe in God, but I love everybody just the same.
Except Steve Buscemi. He scares me.
What do you think of me so far, my lovely fellow poets?
People continuously follow a religion of which has preconditioned regulations that disregard all science and also leave no allowance for the follower to use an open mind and discover the road that best suits them on their own. They preach to unknown past lives that claim to be the only ones who knew the answers and the way to maintain a successful journey is by their standards alone instead of teaching the follower to look into their own being.

You can't discover the truth by denying your right to knowledge. This I will never understand. This is why I choose spirituality over religion. I choose the buddhist philosophy to help light my way while I create my own steps through inner peace, science, the mind and knowledge gained.

I am finally waking up.

(C) Tiffanie Noel Doro
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