I can't hear music anymore
the sound, it goes right through me
I can't hear words anymore
only letters with false meaning
I can't look at myself anymore
i'm scared i won't recognize the reflection
i can't speak anymore
i don't quite know where i went

oh stranger, tell me,
which is scarier?
to think of
everything
all at once
or to think of
nothing
all at once
for hours on end?

oh, there is something i can do
I stare
into an infinite chasm,
a bottomless pit,
a sea of vacant daydreams, and think,
if only i had a new pair of eyes
maybe, just maybe
this cloud of black and white would float away
but it's not that simple
perhaps i'm colorblind,
my world is so discolored.

no, i must be haunted
nothing stares back,
no prospect of anything.
i can't focus
i can't breathe
i can't find shelter
so tell me,
what am i searching for?
my world is not only colorless,
it's chaotic,
it's messy,
like the lines of my
poems

there was a time, i remember
when my ribs were filled with innumerable seeds
and with the promise of spring there came a downfall
it was then that i grew,
my bones, they breathed in lilac
my lungs blossomed, dripping with floral honey
so i could taste sweetness

my ribcage, it bloomed this garden
but everyone picked the petals of my precious flowers
until i was left with far gone stems
that was when my anatomy cracked

this earth, it stomped on them
a skeleton that once held meadows shattered its bones
at least there are no more flower stains
but it's rotting inside
those decaying bones are friends with
my rose-tinted blood

can I even complicate
my continuum of thoughts?
if so, will I ever be able
to stop?
If I dig deeper
There's no air
There's no warmth
There's not a soul being
in sight
Oh, I'll
drown
won't I?

Oh my mind
It's ill-defined,
hazey
it's left me severed
I'm sightless.
did the unknown hinder a
blind tragedy?
They tell me,
We can pretend for awhile
So i'll pour the sea in my head,
I'll make it full again.
but my mind will only be
under siege
it's a temporary fix
Like leaking my dreams with
matchsticks

can I even complicate the patterns
that I inhale?
such a strange feeling
as if you can't grasp your mind
when your psyche
is flooded
What is real? What is mine?
To what extent is detachment twisted
When you can no longer
reach
the surface ?

I see an oceanic void where
the only movements are
the vibration of my bones
not radiating in dance; they're
shaking,
shaking
in this abyss

the sun was deceiving,
it spilled colors in my mind
and turned out a lie
but that's okay,
i know beauty should not feel
synthesized
and they say
"no two sunsets are the same,"
well
i'm sorry if i smiled at you
the same way i smiled at the
sky
your bravado was pathetic
like a landscape without a horizon
line

sweet skin, come back and taste the world with me
there will be a time
our minds radiate at the thought
of warming your bones once more
our bodies don't want you to slip away
our flowers smile at the secrets we hold
yet your silence unveils a habit
not questioned
for i would give it all to feel your energy
once more
will there be a time

In a cigarette smile, I'll lead you out
in light
Until
remnants of your sweet fabrications
twirl away

Don't remain unsatisfied, a world we could be inside
turned
grey

how does the water from my tearducts find
comfort
upon my cheek?

i collect a silhouette through which i
can’t
speak

heartbeats in my
chest and
mind

I hold  a gaping sentiment i can’t find

within
my brain
am i but

blind?