Apathy grows on me, insidious vines wrap around my limbs and cover my mouth till I can't breathe.
You're here with me, in this bleak, meloncholic abyss.
The ghost of you wrapping weak arms around my waist, sends dusty butterflies fluttering.
Promises that slipped from your mouth still dangle all over my room and I'm hanging off your every word.

I know you're gone, you're a million miles from here.
But in my dreams you still sleep safely by my side...
...and I still wake up at 3am to whisper I Love you to the ghost on your side of the bed...

And even when we kiss.
Even when our bodies are entwined.
Even when I'm biting the pillows to refrain from calling his name.

The butterflies won't flutter like they do when I see your face...

This is not a poem, you've filled my head with silence.
My body is filled with the shadows of a girl who once lived here.
My eyes, dust laden like the window ledges of this broken home.
I tried, but my tears dried to leave oceans in my shoes.

I thought you were safe, under the dirt, 6ft under.
I'd left you there in my graveyard of suppressed memories.
I nailed your hands to the cross of everything I can never have.
Resurrected. Three days grace. You're haunting me.

You asked me to keep you safe, so I dug a shelter in my heart.
You could fit within me perfectly and I’d carry you until the end.
You weaved a blanket of my warmth, and pulled it round you tightly.
To protect you from the storm, your last goodbye blew in on..

i'd never felt such
cold hands
grab hold of my heart before,
and i'd never known it could
shatter into so many pieces.
            and i'd also never seen a
            sweeter man come along and
cut his perfect hands to shreds
             by picking up the pieces
and putting my heart back together again,
             *just
             to
             watch
              it
              beat

It's never too late
It's never too early
That's the thing about life
It's never that easy
You've got to push yourself
The next milestone's not too far
You're gonna fall along the way
Just get up and cherish those scars
Things will fall into pieces
It will tear your soul apart
But as long as you've got a soul to lose
All you've got to do is hit restart
It will not be easy love
The devil will always be on your back
But as long as you've got your friends and family
Let's face it...
Life is not that sad!!!
(Kathmandu, Nepal 07/10/2015)