You told me that your secondary pillow takes my place
And I would love for you to hold me that close

Place my head against your heart
Let me fall asleep to the sure thump of your heartbeat

Ease is spread across your face
There isn’t a war behind those caramel eyelids

You’ve been calm and easy-going since the day I met you
My world is off balance when you’re not here

I am a deep abyss
And above the surface, I am surrounded by hurricane winds

But you are a wide-open field
Sun above and grass below

Weigh my boldness against your quiet tongue
Intertwine our hands so tenderheartedness and fire mesh

Fall asleep next to me
So that the mattress is lumpless

While fire consumes my skin
Your tranquil waters will put the flames out

I began to worry when we didn’t speak
For quite some time

Because I realized
I would not know of your pain or any serious injury

And I would be left in the midst of a cruel mystery
Because your family would fail to inform me

Social media would be my next reference
I would scroll and scroll mercilessly

But come up with nothing
Due to the fact that your siblings and I aren’t even friends

Calling your father’s business, he would be too busy
To bother picking up the phone

Your mother would wave the thought off
After all, I didn’t suit you at all

Somehow, I would see that I’m the one to blame
That I could have done more  

Because after all, I was yours

Wisconsin’s area code is etched into the side of my heart
And communication means a whole lot to me

I call and call to make sure you haven’t fallen apart
Your caramel skin is tough, I know

But it is also thin
Thin, like your favorite t-shirt

I’m afraid of miscommunication

I’m terrified of tragic situations

And that I’m the next thing you’ll outgrow

Your shirt is still under my bed
Right next to your sleepy bedhead
I file and store these memories
Inside my head, used as a directory

Your blanket is still in a pile on my couch
I never want it to leave my house
It’ll stay put until you come back
Or until your mother shows up for combat

Our secrets are still locked up in my closet
I kept them there, just as I promised
They tend to scratch up the door, sometimes
But what’s mine is yours, and what’s yours is mine

Come on, calm me down
Because you’re the only one who knows how
Keep things quiet; keep things honest; keep things true
Keep me believing in love, and in me, and in you

It’s a pity that bad habits are the hardest ones to break
Our love is a dangerous game
One that I’m certainly losing
But cannot walk away

If your mother doesn’t tear us apart
I will

And I’ll do so without realizing it
Until I’ve pushed you far away and out of my reach

I hate hurting you
And I despise that my dislike toward myself is what hurts you most

I want this to be easier
I crave for the two of us to stand in the sun

The warm waves caressing my skin
And your hand in mine

Yet I continue to lurk in the shadows
The darkness is my security blanket

I see you standing with your hand stretched out
Begging me to just grab ahold and leave the secrets behind

But you know that I am afraid
My self-destruction is there when no one else is

You ask me to promise self-preservation
But how can I do so when I’ve failed again and again?

Feet inch closer to me and I shove
With all my might

I won’t let the darkness take you too

The state line is not a white picket fence
The separation of you and me
Does not entail a happy ending

The state line is a loose thread
It is an annoyance of sorts
Ready to unravel us both

The state line is like my two favorite fingers
This landmark and digits cause damage
One to my emotions, and the other to my health

The state line is your mother’s best friend
She knows that there’s no doubt about
Which side we’re both on