I tell my hands to keep to themselves
When your body is so close
Self control comes and goes
When we're all by ourselves

My lungs are on fire
As I hold your shirt to the tip of my nose
There's nothing more than what I desire
You, and you alone

The pulse in my chest quickens and surges
While I see you come and go
I miss you terribly even though
You are my most recent splurge

I grin to myself and my stomach is a balloon
When you're that dashing and grand
I'm whisked away by the touch of your hand
That night, our new moon

Gather up each emotion and label them one by one, boy
Seal infatuation up and store it in the basement
Out of sight, out of mind
Forget what young love really looks like

Sort your feelings into groups, middle child
Throw joy and affection away
Sew anger and harshness into your lungs
Watch the fury spill from your tongue

Sweep the sentiments underneath the rug
This is exactly what I've learned from your mom
Desert that fabric for the next generation
Leave them wondering where they got it from

Never wear your heart upon your sleeve, son
Keep your eyes cold and your heart hard
Don't ever let the tears blur your vision
Be a man, you mindless child

Let her smile fade from your memories, my puppet
I'm the one who's supposed to control your ways
Watch her eyes turn from evergreen to poison
Because you're the one she's bound to betray

His hands are large and strong
I knew this all along
Strong enough to hold me down

Smiles are contagious
His are crooked and malicious
Watching me squirm, crying

My daddy is not safe
I know now because he was taken away
But I thought this form of love was ordinary

I didn't mean to get him in trouble
But I was afraid when his hand was my muzzle
Now everyone looks at me like I'm made of glass

My mom says I can't talk to him
But I just don't get it
He said he wouldn't hurt me

My daddy wears orange
Mom answers his phone call with a look of warning
His clothes are in boxes down in the basement

There's a stack of papers on the counter
That mom's been staring at for the past hour
I think I need to help her with her homework

We make the bed with stains across the mattress
I don't think I can keep up with this practice
I pretend I don't see the guilt in mom's eyes

My mom and I sleep next to each other at night
Because we're both afraid he'll appear in the morning light
Looming over us with his hungry eyes

If I wouldn't have lost
My innocence
I wouldn't have met you
And that's something I wouldn't compromise

I fell asleep on the couch the day
You asked me to be your date
Your hands on my knees
The snow in the trees

Your arms around me before break
Inhaling your scent
Before you made sure I understood
All that you meant

I wake to his whistling
On the couch in the den
His mug full of black coffee
Now empty, he'll get up to fill it again

My grandfather is constant
He has never walked out on me
He has taught me that nonsense
Lies within the person who flees

I have watched him slow with age
His bones have grown weak and frail
I know that he sheds tears offstage
When he looks back on the trials of his tale

My grandfather is water
He flows and ebbs, traveling from place to place
But he has had three otters
To keep him company... just in case

He is a constant imperfect man
Who loves motorcycles and sweets
He's too laid-back to have a plan
But shows up early when we meet

I lie awake and I know he does the same
Staring at the ceiling is one thing we share in common
Sleep has always been like a waiting game
He wishes he could close his eyes more often

My grandfather is constant water
He is changeless and tranquil
I am certain that his love has made me stronger
Even when it appears to be casual

Ignore the size of the portion
This is healthy
Ignorance is bliss

Cut and slice
Count the pieces the knife and fork create
Slip into old routine

Eat one cookie... eat five
Who cares?
You're this shape already

Turn the shower on twice a day
Watch it all wash down the drain
Hate the way you adore the acidic burn

Count the numbers
You're not wiz at college algebra
But you can count the calories, pounds, and body mass

Watch the flab vanish into sweat
Run for two hours a day
Do crunches until your innards explode

Faint in the shower
Forget what time of day it is
Sleep is now nonexistent due to hunger

Ward off the war within your belly
Empty is clean
Pain is beauty

Your teeth are rotting
From the lies about your meal plan
And your citric stomach

Compare yourself to all of them
Observe the way they enjoy it
They love the freedom of cuisine

Your mouth is watering
It's a good thing food cannot travel
Through a television screen

Cry at family gatherings and holidays
Your mother's eyes glaring across the table
While you wish you could vacate the skin you're in

Uncertainty is your best friend at this point
Indecisiveness and hatred are nothing out of the ordinary
Your mere thoughts are a whirlwind

And there's nothing romantic about it