funny how
when you know someone so well
it's the easiest to be deceived by them.
                       i swear i never lied.
                       every word i told her,
                       every thing i did,
                       was true and real.
this entire time,
i've been falling more and more each day,
only to discover,
it had all been set up.
                       i swear, i did.
                       i promise, i did.
his eyes,
his hair,
his lips,
his heart..
i had fallen for it all.
                       the first time we talked,
                       i still remember.
                       the first time i told you,
                       i still remember.
he had told me he loved me.
                       i had told her i loved her.
and after
when i had realized that i've never felt this way before,
i've never met anyone like him before,
i had told him i loved him too.
                       and soon,
                       it was a normal goodbye.
                       soon,
                       she had told me she loved me too.
i've tried so hard
to never dive too deep,
jump too far.
                       she had taken a leap of faith..
                       all for me.
but now that i did,
after all that's happened,
and nothing that can be taken back,
now that i've learned,
i've realized.
i still love him.
                       i still love her.

but now, it's just too late.

I keep throwing gasoline on my already burning problems.

I'm addicted to the pain.

Took the bus to my class
On the window seat listening to the music
The air blew the heat on my face
While I sat there and watched outside

Out of nowhere, a sunshine entered
Distracting every passenger and passerby
My music blurred and my eyes took charge
To see that wonderful girl ahead

She got on with a smile so bright
And sat next to my seat
Her hair spread the coconut scent through my head
And it grabbed me by my heart and stayed

Sweet and beautiful she turned her head
Towards my shocking face and frozen eyes
Somewhere deep inside was the conscious me
And she took me by surprise with her sweet gentle smile

I did not hear your cries as I wrenched a thousand words from my breast,
nor your protestations as my eyes recalled yet another deep magenta sky.

I did not see your tears of frustration as I marvelled at the world,
singing at snow angels and harbouring the winter chill.

I did not feel your heartbeat leave mine as the russets fell
nor did I  hear you call my name over my frustrated sighs and readily tempered ego.

I did not notice your silence
until I saw you drowning as I described the water.