it all started with the first cut.
just one small cut was all i needed.
it made the emotional pain go away.
it made me feel human, a human with feelings.
the first cut
thats all it was.
it slowly grew into more,
the first cut,
its seeable to many but you.
the first cut
came from you.
thats all it was.
everyone was the first cut.
they all came and they never left.
the silk white lines across my skin.
the red lines left but the silkish white lines they will only come, never go.

i'm no stranger
to bathtubs and sinks full of red water
to red-stained sleeves
to blood loss.
no stranger
to losing people,
no stranger
to wanting to go home.

I try to be that girl who is strong.
Who doesn't give a **** about what people think or say about her.
The girl who doesn't cry.
Who isn't afraid of being alive.
I may be strong but I
do give a **** about what other people say or think,
I cry just not in front of anyone but my closest friend the devil,
Im scared of being alive,I kinda wanna die,
im afraid of living my life.
IM INSANE.
CRAZY.
******.
A LUNATIC.
I would love to just die...go away and never come back step over the line and disappear like i'm meant to.
Why not now?
MAYBE ITS TIME.
IT is.
Goodbye.

Every time I hear your voice
come to me like static from bad radio,
"You should sleep."
"Why aren't you eating?"
"You do this to yourself..."
I would like to tear through your skin with my fingernails.
"You're only making it worse."
"If you'd only change your attitude..."
makes me want to scream until my throat is raw.
I don't have to be bleeding from my wrists
to be fighting back the consuming numbness
and I wish I could claw at your place in my heart
until it matches the emptiness I feel.
When will you see that it's not for lack of trying
when I am driven to such neglect?
I am succumbing to the hollow pain in my chest.