I had to let go,
Happy endings, didn't mean anything anymore,
Ten letters from him, saying goodbye,
I stopped writing after the ninth.

Now here I sat behind a glass,
As memories loomed over him like a cloak,
Strapped by tendrils of death,
He looked the same as he did years go.

He looked different now, but still the same,
Fifteen years in the past, but still held my heart,
Even though I refused to visit,
His love flowed stronger than guilt.

I knew from the start this was wrong,
But I listened to my heart, and we grew strong,
Consequences awaited me at the end,
Like humanity; the heir of the original sin.

The execution chamber remained silent,
But my heart was going through emotional violence,
Memories flashed in my head, of us together,
Interrupted by a voice on the speaker:

"You are permitted to make your final statement."
"Thank you for loving a monster like me"he said
"I don't deserve your love, but if we meet in another life,
it would be a pleasure to die in your arms."

He sighed, a sad sigh, filled with acceptance and peace,
And looked in my eyes and whispered his last emotion,
My head started spinning, as second faded into minutes,
But I had to do this, see him leave the world as a being loved, not hated.

The skin I felt so long before, was pierced by a needle,
the kind of needle we were afraid of as kids,
Several minutes later he took his last breath,
And a part of me died with him.

when i was 10,
my father said,
"i'll walk the aisle when you wed. "
when i was 12,
my father unfurled,
"you're dead to me if you like girls."
when i was 14,
my father cried,
"slit those wrists, say goodbye."
when i was 15,
my father did grieve,
"pick up your bags, i need you to leave."
now at 16,
my father is silent.
my home is too far,
my wrists are still violent.
my family is none,
my bones have grown weary.
life's closing my door;
deaths locking the windows,
im trapped in a shell
of homosexual innuendos.

Come ******* lips
I want to enter your heart like a diver
I want to pierce your soul like a stare
I want to inject myself into your life like an exclamation
And linger there like the first kiss offered by a lover.
I want to impose on you like a beloved grandmother
And tease you like an incessant itch
(The more you scratch,
The more of your thoughts I’ll inhabit)

I want to love you like a metaphor
Building in your mind to a climatic epiphany
A realization that all my words are symbols
Of unspoken dreams of you.

I am not the girl that you settle yourself for.
I am the woman that you solicit ***** words to but never touch.
The woman that you kiss but never wed.
That you dance with but never share home.

I am not "welcome mats"
Or "family dinners"
Nothing about me will ever settle you.
I am full lips,
And soft hands,
Dangerous mind,
And beautiful goodbyes"
I am pleasant "good mornings"
But only because I leave it there.
I am not see you later.

I am the after thought of beautiful,
Something elegant but,
not sensual enough to give into,
smart but, not notable enough to settle for,
I am heaven sent but not suited for marriage,
And I am wet dreams, not yet solid enough to build on.

I am too long, heart on sleeve
But not steady enough to keep you there.
I am kisses too far overdue,
But not striking enough to linger after in your morning.

I am sorry that I cannot be your sun
And I love myself too much to be your moon.
I am sorry,
I have to leave you here,
I am sorry,
I took up so much space in the aftermath,
The in between,
Of you and the one girl who will settle you.


-Indigo Morrison