oh, my dear child,
do not cry,
do not whimper,
do not even flinch
fret not the fire isn't coming,
fret not,
the earth is still revolving,
fret not,
your father will die one day.

parallel or lateral,
there was always you,
at one point,
from one axis,
to another axis,
where I am not sure if you even exist.

i think i’m going to take a break,
from writing,
as if i’ve been writing for too long,

well,
until i fall in love again with writing,
i will keep writing,
as if my pen won't run out of ink,
and my fingers won't stop typing.

welcome aboard,
a tough ride of a slump!

i do believe in miracle,
how can i not?
when here i am,
laying on my sofa,
thinking of my existence,
while writing this,
when someone could be at the brink of death;
but i also don’t believe in miracle,
i mean how can i not?
when i was stranded at the side of the road,
waving for someone,
when i all hear is sounds of toad,
thinking “oh there should be at least someone or anyone!”,
well,
i tell you what,
i guess miracle can be achieved if you believe in what you believed,
confusing?
think again,
all these paths to your growth,
how much miracles have passed?
right?

since the world is trying to keep us apart,
then;
we shall try again in heaven.

honey;
playing in the playground,
falls from the swing,
should she know better,
the swing she rides,
is her last swing,
and her last wing.

I love you so much,
to the point it hurts,
but;
we are the same.

think, think, think, think,
keep thinking,
in this endless tunnel of mind,
of what so called "hope",
but more like hopeless,
to even think about.

I cannot die but I'm not living either,
but mom;
tell me,
if I do well today,
am I going to live tomorrow?

"I like men",
is what I want my mom to believe,
"I already forget about her",
is what I want to believe,

sincerely,
her.

your smiles are as sweet as ever,
your laughs are as as beautiful as ever,
but;
I can only smile and laugh,
alongside with you,
from faraway,
what a shame.

all these stars passing by,
when i just need the moon.

“i miss you”,
how should i say,
that you only miss my company,
darling.
i thought to myself while my mouth,
slipping an “i miss you too” with a smile.

try and try and try!
to help them,
until you yourself fall down,
into the pit of hell.

Oh, look I am doomed!
standing in front someone whom I used to call my Moon,
I'm wondering if this is true?
that you used to love me like you never do.

graze my pain like the shard,
because you said it was not that hard,
to die and seek bliss,
in your arms I have found peace.

I'm writing on my notes religiously
waiting someone to forgive all of my sins
that could never be forgiven
waiting someone to notice
how a sinner I am.

"some things are better left unsaid,
like the way you were hurting me,
and the way you look into my eyes everyday,
as if i'm going to disappear."

some things are better left unsaid,
like hurting her was my biggest regret,
and her gleaming eyes that kept me sane everyday,
as if you are going to leave me.

some things are better left unsaid,
like our unsent letters,
and the way your actions affect my daily life,
as if we are not going to last.

some things are better left unsaid,
like our tragic love story,
where you disappear,
without saying goodbye to me nor to the world.

and some things are better left unsaid,
like how you were my only last string.

and if tears is not enough to hide your pain,
maybe the stars that's hiding between your sleeves,
will do.

your eyes may not speak,
but it tells a lot.

In the amidst of fears and tears,
im walking solely towards unknown abyss,
sudden,i profound something beautiful,
nothing,but;
a walking beautiful chaos.

I will be the one who lit up our thread
by making a blazing flame
that you could not even
water with tears

you used to greet me with “hi”
but now;
you greet me with “goodbye”

graze my pain,
like the ice making you bleed,
and if love was truly sacred,
why’d i always found peace,
in your arms.

we break like ice,
melts away by greed and anger,
vaporize leaving no trace,
and the only thing that could reach us again,
is rain.

for god's know when,
how much i tried,
and how much i loved.

her lips are red;
but overflowing,
barcodes on her wrists;
to scan self worth,
her hair is no longer long
nor smooth,
these purples and blues on her back;
has been a map of memories,
those crimson red nails
suits her the most,
that smile on her red lips,
oh so beautiful,
oh a beautiful wreck.

im sorry mom,
but;
i would like to see,
the terror in your eyes,
when i break that smile,
just the way you did to mine,
from years ago.

i try,i pour,
even though all the words dryer than my tongue,
even when my soul is at the edge of crying,
i try,i pour,
every single of words at the end of my lips,
every single tears from my eyes,
every single soul i wish to cry,
every single message i wish to try,
but,
i am the one,
who loves to try,
even when the message is beyond reach.

in the silence,
i can hear something is shattering,
but it’s not the glass,
from the table,
nor from the kitchen,
what is it?
its turning into dust and debris,
all over the place,
but blinded by eyes,
and silence at mouths.

He’s calling me,
anywhere at any time,
in the broad daylight,
or in the darkest night,
where i should see the stars,
shining darker than what i've seen,
flowing with elegance,
making sound like no other,
he’s laughing at me,
saying “you’ve lost”.

painted it black,
with elegance,
resembles as my pain flowing,
through out the whole canvas,
overflowing but still beautiful,
painted it black,
with modesty,
resembles as the trauma speaks,
louder than my mouth,
out of place but still intact.

if life is a canvas,
why'd you paint it black?

your soul is like the day clouds
white and pure,
your smile resembles yellow,
so happy and warm,
your hazel eyes stunned me,
and that red lips of yours is irresistible,
but why the colours changing?
it seems hazy and darker than before,
you turned into grey,
and;
left me in pitch black.

I was his heaven,
But;
He was my hell,
I tried to escape,
But i wish for everything just to be with him,
I'm confused but also I'm in love,
But;
You are my hell,
I'm too tired to go through heaven,
Because I know I'll end up in hell.

The fire in his eyes;
brought me back to life,
The darkness in his soul,
left me broken despite;
knowing the risk of every single tide.

But answer me ***,
If joy can make me less miserable,
Can you be the guide along with riding this rollercoaster ride?