anxiety kills.
it's more dangerous and lethal  
than bullets, knives
for these can only
hurt you, damage you externally
but anxiety
penetrates, spreads
from the inside.

I give great advice.

Your health and happiness are more important than your commitments. Your problems are valid even if they're not as bad as what is going on in the rest of the world. Let's look at this rationally. It's okay to show that you're grieving, hurt, upset. You can only do so much. You need help. At some point, you have to put yourself before others.

But I'm really just a liar.

While I know these things to be true,
I don't believe any of them.

It's so much easier to tell others how to be
than to change what my own head believes.

You need help.
I know.

But I won't do anything about it.

I see the reflection of light, bounce off the silver.
Holding it in my grasp, clenching my fists tight.

I can't do it
I shouldn't do it

I hear the voice in my head scream louder.
I'm on the verge of tears, though my eyes are completely dry.

Please stay safe Sam. Please.
It will get better, I promise.

I'm now shaking, silver closer to the beige.
Their voice. Their voice is what is keeping me from my art.

You don't understand.
You don't deserve any of this.

The torture pulls at my soul, at my heart.
I throw the silver across the room.

Why am I like this?
I've actually lost my mind for moments at a time

Wrapping myself in a blanket,
Shivering until the starlight overcomes my mind.

*and puts it to rest.

Happiness is brief.
Held in the grasp,
until reminded once more,
of what was lost,
and what can never be the same.
I'm trying to stay positive,
I'm trying not to be scared.

*It's not working