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Sam Oct 2016
Why does everything fun,
everything I desire,
give me the worst anxiety?
Sam Oct 2016
Rolling the dice,
Flipping the cup.
Always desiring all sixes,
or the best possible full house.
We get disappointed
when things don't go our way,
With Yatzee it's all luck,
there is no strategy with rolling the dice.
What you get, is what your score will be.
How things turn out,
Luck decides for you.
What will be your fate?
im very much enjoying these game refrences
even if they don't make sense to you
they make perfect sense to me :)
Sam Oct 2016
The game.
All about playing the cards right,
one slip up, and you could bring your team down.
You could lose the game.
To play the cards, takes time and patience.
You will renege,
You will take your partner's trick.
It's a learning process,
never gotten on the first try.
Never give up, because in the end,
You will be dealt a lay down loner.
Sam Oct 2016
I was once told not to rely on anything,
Use nothing as a crutch, it will do no good.
But if I can't walk without it,
Shouldn't I use it?
If I can't survive without it,
Shouldn't I keep it?
If it helps me through,
Shouldn't I listen to it?

Music

Distracts, submerges me into a different world.
It helps, It gives advice,
It makes me happy.
If I can't depend on it,
Then I won't.
Ill just use it,
For calmness,
For happiness,
and for the entirety of surviving.
But no, I am not depending,
I am only living.
  Oct 2016 Sam
Wardell Lee Freeman
I tend to get stares... Looks... The occasional "are you gay?" With a quizzical look of disgust.
Well, to answer your question, no, I am not gay.
In a society built around judgment and stilted above common sense,
Being gay would mean that I'd have to find women utterly disgusting, flick my wrists, speak with funny and awkward inflections, right?
Do you think I speak with funny and awkward inflections?
Good! Because I'm so not gay.
Being gay would mean that I love to shop, well I hate it!
My fashion sense does not exceed that of a box of colorful crayola crayons melting away in the blistering Las Vegas sun because you see, I don't live in San Francisco, or New York,
or anywhere "gay" people live.
I am not gay.
Being gay would mean that I am immoral but I can assure you, moralistically speaking, that morals are what keep me routinely from listening to Lady Gaga, who I've heard, despite her catholic upbringing, is a devout devil worshiper and I sure as hell don't worship Satan!
Oh no, I am not gay.
My father once told me, in his manliest tone that if I ever became sweet
or my tank profusely filled with sugar
that he'd disown me and rid me of his home.
However last time I checked,
I don't have a tank
and one lick of my tanned brown skin would reveal that I am in fact quite salty!
Salty, as defined by Urban Dictionary, means to be ******.
Bitter. Angry.
Well father, there aint nothing sweet about my wrath.
I'm infuriated.
I'm angry not because I'm not able to fulfill the holistic criterion society has built in order to be gay,
No, I am more upset that there is actually a set of rules dictating whether or not someone is gay.
Now listen to me when I tell you,
I am not gay
I am not gay because I have yet to inject myself of substances with an unsterile needle for all purposes of getting high.
No, I have yet to discover my last ****** partner was diagnosed with *** and that I may very well have the virus.
No, I have yet to interiorly decorate my bedroom with the warm crimson fluid that is my blood because some punk at school thought it was cute to label me a queer.
I have yet to be gay because being gay in today's society means I am reckless. I am promiscuous. I am a *******.
Well, guess what society,
I am not gay.
I am, in fact, a man, who is not your personal show dog for your fashion approval that you can tote around in some cute Gucci bag.
I am a man, who can still appreciate the beautiful magnificence that is a curve when he sees one no matter the person's gender.
I am a man who, despite what you may be expecting,
is a man who, no matter how hard you try to box me in a confined image,
is a man who, will fight to freely be in love with who he wants to be in love with,
who is a man who is not gay
but a man who loves men.
I am not gay.
..
Totally gay.
  Oct 2016 Sam
Em
Anxiety
is a breath never released
suffocation of the lungs
and the whole of your mind
Anxiety
is a clock
that never stops ticking
with the constant click, from past to present
Time never ends
and oh darling
nor does anxiety.
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