bc - Hello Poetry

bc Aug 2014

Today my mother asked me if I was depressed. She proceeded to explain to me that she was worried because I never left my room and I just looked sad all the time. As she was explaining to me her reasoning, I thought about the way I've been feeling. How it felt as if everyday I was walking on quicksand. How it was getting harder and harder for me not to cry. How I would be constantly fighting an internal battle.
"Stay in bed, darling. Stay in bed."
"No I can't I have school today"
"Don't eat that. You're not worthy enough to eat"
"But I'm hungry I haven't eaten in 6 hours"
"Don't call your friends they don't care and they all hate you anyways"
"But I'm lonely"
I am constantly screaming at myself.
I am constantly fighting a battle that I feel hopeless in.
It's getting harder and harder to breathe everyday and it *****.
I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
Pretending has become a habit of mine.
I don't enjoy lying to myself and others.
Every once in a while I tend to break into my parents liquor drawer because I like the feeling I get when I sip *****.
It makes me feel light and airy, and for just a couple of hours, it makes me forget how much I hate myself.
I don't feel time passing by anymore.
I don't know the difference between night and day because everything is just a big blur.
I've lost all feelings and emotions except sadness.
"Are you depressed?" My mother asks me.
"No."

*(b.c.)

#depression #hatred #sadness #lying #numb

bc Aug 2014

Comparisons

IT'S ALRIGHT, I UNDERSTAND. WHO WOULD CHOOSE A SIMPLE STAR WHEN THEY COULD OWN THE SUN? WHO WOULD CHOOSE A SINGLE LETTER WHEN YOU COULD OWN A NOVEL? WHO WOULD CHOOSE A GUST OF WIND IF YOU COULD OWN A TORNADO? I GET IT. I GET IT. I GET IT. I WILL NEVER AMOUNT TO EVERYTHING SHE IS.

bc Jul 2014

Upon the Subject of Friends with Benefits

You will always end up hurt.
I do not care how strong physically and mentally you are,
there will always be tears shed and hearts broken.
Because you cannot do something so physically intimate and
expect it to not be mentally intimate.
That is like jumping off a cliff and hoping you don't fall.
You cannot make pretend love.
You cannot look at someone and see them as an object.
For they are not an object, they are human
Someone will fall, and they will fall hard.
They will spend their time praying that each kiss is real.
They will pray that its more than just physical.
They will pray that rough touches and loud moans are more than lust.
They will spend their time hoping and praying
that you will see them as more than a quick distraction,
but, darling, this is not a fairytale.
They will not fall for you all because you kissed them differently.
They will not see you in a different light.
For this started as physical and it will stay physical.

*(b.c)

No I have never been in this situation, but I know people who have

#love #friends #sad #anger #hurt #*** #with #pretend #benefits

bc Jul 2014

Memories.

I remember the first time I saw you.
You had this light gray shirt on and
your dark brown hair was styled to the side.
You wanna know a secret?
Gray looks exquisite on you.
You have these dark brown eyes and freckles that adorn your cheeks.
You know, I never even knew that I liked freckles until I met you.
I remember the first time I talked to you.
You're voice was the right kind of deep.
It wasn't too high or too deep. It was just perfect.
I remember the first time I hugged you.
Your long arms wrapped around my small figure,
and for those few seconds, everything felt complete.
I remember the first time you called me pretty.
For just a second, in that moment in time, I actually believed it.

idk kind of short and kind of suckish, I'll edit it later.

#love #crush #you #meeting

bc Feb 2014

Distance

And some nights, I look outside and find your smile in the shimmering light of the moon
I find your big eyes in the stars
I can hear your voice in the sound of the wind
I look up at the sky, how its so vast and endless,
and I think about how its similar to our love
And I sit here and hope that you find me in the sky too

-b.c.

this one is kind of messy -b.c.

bc Feb 2014

Not a Love Poem

Let me be your cigarette
I want you to hold me softly between your fingers
I want your smooth lips to work wonders upon my skin
I want you to breathe me in
I want to be the one to calm you when you're upset
I want to be the thing you live off of and feed off of
Let me be your cigarette, please
I want to feel needed because all my life I have been the second choice
Give me your love and affection
I want your adoration
I want your lips
I want the way your brown eyes light up when you smile
I want your little dimple that appears on the right side of your face when ever you smirk
I want the way you catch a football ever so gently between your hands
I want the way your laugh is so loud and contagious
I want the way that just your presence alone can make me feel amazing
I want you
I want all of you
Because I love you and you are everything to me
Even though I am nothing to you

-b.c.

It ***** loving someone who doesnt love you back.