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unwritten May 2014
no.
no.
no.

i want to tell myself
that it's not love,
that it's not happening
all over again.

but what other explanation is there?

when you're near,
my heart skips a beat,
jumping up
like a newly rigged boat,
riding on opal waves.

when you leave,
my heart sinks
like a defeated ship
in the middle of your hurricane.

when we talk,
i am a sailor,
and you,
you are a siren,
luring me in with your captivating songs.

dangerous,
yet beautiful.

but i'll never be the one for you.

no.

instead,
i will always be the hopeful ship
that you inevitably sink.

instead,
those opal waves
will always turn
to black tides
ripping through the sands
of my heart.

instead,
your words will be my addiction,
my high,
my rush,
and
my eventual downfall.

instead,
i will admire you from afar,
after having been hurt once
by your songs.

dangerous,
yet beautiful.

i guess, my dear,
that's why they say
to stay away from sirens.

(a.m.)
at first, this poem was much shorter. but then i kept adding to it, and i really like the way it came out. never underestimate the power of editing.
  May 2014 unwritten
meg
this is not some love story
a boy will not come and save you and he will not kiss the scars on your thighs.

this is not a movie
someone isn't going to save you from your demons,
or think your illness and addiction is beautiful.

this is not a fairytale
you will not save yourself from the voices,
or the jabbing pain in your stomach
or the shaking of your body for that quick release.

this is real life
and nothing will save you except for the pills that the doctors put you on that helps you with your mood swings, and unwillingness to get out if bed every morning.  

this is not poetry.

self harm scars are not lovely.
sadness is not beautiful.
and demons are not glorious.
stop trying to make mental illness a great thing to have.
so if you glorify self harm and sadness, stop being a ******* ******* because it isn't ******* beautiful.

nothing is beautiful about voices in your mind that tell you to take a blade to your skin, and nothing is beautiful about morning rolling around and you contemplate being "sick", or jumping out into traffic just in time to get hit by a bus just so you can escape life.
this is not beautiful.
  May 2014 unwritten
Devon Leonel
I miss being in love with you.
I miss lighting up every time you came into the room.
I miss the feel of your skin against mine.
I miss feeling like our souls connected every time we touched.
I miss reaching for your hand and not being able to keep the silly smile off of my face.
I miss late night conversations that would go on and on because we had so much to talk about.
I miss writing letters to you
I miss getting letters from you.
I miss the look in your eyes when you said “I love you.”
I miss the million conversations we held with just our eyes.
I miss the look that passed between us every time we dropped into perfect harmony.
I miss hearing you sing.
I miss hearing you laugh.
I miss the easy way we talked about forever.
Life dropped an atomic bomb on our picture-perfect future. My heart shattered in the blast and I’m still infected by the fallout.
I’m sorry.
I miss you.
  May 2014 unwritten
Addie
Never have roses
Smelled so bitter
Never has a blue jay
Had such a sad twitter

Never has the sun
Shone without light
Never have the stars
Been dull, not bright

Never has music
Been so silent
Never has a breeze
Been so violent

The world should be colorful
Every single day
But ever since you left
It is all shades of gray
unwritten May 2014
The light shines down
On your pale face
And outlines your vulnerable lips
With a heavenly glow,
And bathes your pleading eyes
With pure light.

You look away,
Afraid,
Because you know that the light
Has always revealed your scars,
Your flaws,
Your imperfections.

But I simply laugh
And think
How lucky the sun is
To be so close to someone like you.

(a.m.)
old poem, couldn't think of anything new to write.
unwritten May 2014
10:17 p.m.

And still,
I couldn't bring myself
To tell her I loved her,
Because of fear of what had happened
The last time I loved someone.

Because of fear
That the part of me
That was whispering,
Shouting,
Screaming,
To stay away,
To not fall in love
Might be right.

Because of fear
That I would break her heart
And she'd break mine,
And we'd both go back to being broken
Just as quickly as we had taped ourselves back together,
Piece by piece.

Because of fear
That she wouldn't
Feel the same way.

Because of fear
That my feelings
Wouldn't be genuine.

Because of fear
Of repeating the past.

(a.m.)
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