I drive them away.

I break my patterns and make them fear me.

I lose interest and slip into apathy.

I hide behind closed doors and bright screens.

I sleep.

I can't sleep.

I use music as my drug until I get no relief.

I find other drugs to feel anything.

I wait for the day to pass and hope for meaning.

I stop hoping.

I stop caring.

They stop caring.

Holy verses in her kiss
She was your bible
You found nature in her lips
Her love was tribal
She gave purpose to your hips
Your soul's revival

Such a hopeful Eve
But the apple let you down

She played you fast, used her whip
No slow recital
You waited for her to call in
But no arrival
For your own safety, fled the strip
Your own survival

Gave it up for her
But only just to let you down
Now you want to run wild

Your heart's been dragged from left to right
Your soul's in limbo
To suffocate your open mind
She closed the window
And now revenge is in your eyes
You cannot win though

Such a hopeful Eve
But the apple let you down

In bed, replace the broken lies
But keep the pillow
Fill up the space between your thighs
Empty crescendo
Pleasure and pain become your life
Your special syndrome

Gave it up for her
But only just to let you down
And now you want to run wild

Now you want to run wild.

I cling to the edge of the cliff
I'm grasping

Waiting for them to take my hand
To pull me

It's funny how I got here though
I'm laughing

I reached out mine to all of them
They used me

I gave up my own weight for theirs
I'm falling

I could not let them fall instead
They left me

I loved so I could have a friend
I'm lonely

They never asked me to help them
I'm failing

To understand that I have no one to blame but myself

Tag's the game
Miles by train
Trane on miles
Climb over hills
Of snap cymbals
Ivory falls
Walkin' walls
Lifting walks
Always around the B tree
Up and down they find me
Springing in the brass reed
Can't control your own feet
But just passing through
Workin' blue

Weights surround
Falling sideways, never down

Thoughts drawn to the arm
Get out, find friends, no more scars

Walking, leave the body and see
Don't want to stay anymore, be

One more day, make it one more
Time stands still, a second an hour

In apathy, we hope... no.
Goodbye. Can't cope.

You cannot expect anyone to love you
You cannot make them care by will alone
Instead you are alone, you always were
Even during the illusion, delusion
And you don't need anyone else

We were infants
Trying to stand
Trying to talk
Seeing the world for the first time.
Six months and we grew
Learning, discovering
Looking for purpose
But still stuck in our minds.
One year and we were children
Believing we knew
All there was to know
But still filled with wonder.
Finding the first sadness
Peace in companionship
Hope for the future
And somehow life inbetween.
Two years and we were adults
Each others' first
"Happy," used so often
"Love," thrown back and forth.
In the cracks, underneath
Darkness spilling
Pain and confusion
Joining but tearing.
Three years and we were dead
Hope gone, innocence lost
Liquid life had taken ours
And pain was all it left.

But I am not
I live. And I realize that
Love was something you never gave,
There was no we, only me
And we did not live, or love.
Rather, I did.
I do.