Times are changing
People aren't the same
I'm still here

I'm not ready to grow up, I want time to pause
I love the swing sets, I love innocence, the imagination
Why can't we just have the mindset of children, but only get bigger?

"How do you know?"* You asked me
I only looked at you and smiled
*"Because I could see it in your eyes"

When lamination slowly starts to creep
We weep
We seek
To release
We're meek
Helpless
Sleep sleeplessly
Terrible dreams
We seek what they mean
Froze
Stuck
In our lamination
Paralyzed in our dreams
Rainbows and unicorns were not in them
And if they were they were what led me to these nightmares
Nightmares when I try to run
Try to scream
Try not to stare at the rising sun
My lips blue
lying on the beach
Skin pale and sand smeared lips
Eyes unblinking
almost vacant, but not quite

There's still life!
My body rarely barely breathing
So still that it's eerie
My brown eyes almost vacant and unmoving
I know I'm there
I can hear the ocean
I can feel the morning breeze brushing my sand covered face and the strands of my hair
The problem is that it isn't me
There's no way I'm this beautiful or pale
Yes, I'm almost dying
But she's not me
Her skin is a white porcelain
Her eyes are the only thing of mine that's hers
Her hair brown
Her figure slim yet curvy
I'm in her body
I remembered
My body changed
But not my soul
This is me
The opposite of me
In a parallel universe who almost succeeded in what I did
*My soul was showing me what my other me did too

I know its time to turn the page
but the pages stick
they're damp and glued together
with my tears
turning the page means facing new fears
I want to turn back
go back to the last chapter
before one of my favorite characters left
and I'm not sure if she'll make another appearance
I hope so
I want to go back to before it started to crumble
I want so badly to go back
but i don't have choice,
I have to hit play and turn the page

In the seat with the split window,
black cold metal blocked the road ahead,
the sliver of window from the seat infront of me
clouded and beaded with cold rain.
I'm only aware of what's passing me now --
what I've already passed.
None of it feels real, though.
The trees and roadside ditches seem to jump
like an old film
like thousands of pictures flashing in sequence.
The rain streaks making the scene flow not quite right.
A few seats behind me painted nails trace an empty smile
on the condensation.
Thousamds of raindrops rolled behind
two blank eyes and one hollow smile.
Yet,
the image never beaded and melted away,
even as she started to cry.
I watched the wind pet small waves
onto window puddles,
and flinched as pothole vibrations cut it apart.
As we lerch forward --
perhaps for a red light --
the puddle would run to an unseen place,
a place I could not see yet.

I am a caged bird.
                                                           ­            Sing and sing all day,
                                                            ­       smile and smile all eve.
                                                            ­   If one person in particular --
                                                           you know who you are --
                                                       no longer deserves my attention
                                                    I will choose not to perform to you,
                                                but all I can do is turn my back.
                                            These walls constructed of steeled bars,
                                        do not protect me.
                                    They leave me vulnerable to your ******* --
                                 eyes that I can never truly escape.
                             Stretch my wings and convince myself I'm flying,
                         but I'll only ever be caught in your web --
                      your cage.
                   This battle of wits and accusations has to end.
               Why can't you see that I yearn for flight?
           You're just as caught as me, Cage Keeper,
        it's time to let me go --
    come to terms with the fact:
I am gone.

If you don't want me to go,
don't push me away.
If you don't want me to stay,
don't pull me closer.
If you don't want to remember,
don't ask me to explain.
Tell me to leave
only after you've held me close.
Tell me you hate me
only after you've stolen a kiss.
Tell me you're sorry
only after you've left bruises.

Tell me you love me
and I'll stay.

Walk with me, if you please,
in the graveyard that was once
our Eden.
Every flower seems to perk at your touch,
our rose bursting into crimson bloom.
It was easy letting you walk from Eden,
my heart was ready,
the Goodbyes were prepared --
It was the realization at startled me:
this blossom is nothing more than a ****
through the eyes of the next person I invite.
Never again will I plant another flower like that,
not exactly,
not with your touch and your embrace.
No one will ever see the beauty that we see,
forever will the rose be something only you and I will share.
More and more flowers will be planted,
more and more will shrivel into barren hips,
and maybe one day I'll find someone to stop the infestation.
Until then, I cherish the beautiful roses,
the ones planted in laughter and love,
not the ones thrown to the earth with rage and sorrow.
You will not be forgotten,
the rose will not allow it.
I know you will not want to walk with me,
but know that the flowers will remain
just as your good memory hovers above the roses.