you bragged and boasted
about us and the *** we had
every time i walked by
your friends,
your silly friends would point
and stare
with my eyes glued to the gravel
under my feet, i kept moving
silly boys, disgusting boys
because little did they know
your *** story
was my **** story.

you tell me you yell
because you love me
you tell me you hit me
because you care,
you want the best for me

yet, you become so alarmed
when i tell you he hits me because he loves me
with each blow he loves me more
why are you so alarmed that he cares for
and he loves me the way you did, dad.

i'm trying
i'm trying
but i can't stop crying

why am i like this?
my feelings - i have to hide
my heart is racing

i can't breathe
the walls are caving in
my heart is racing
the tears are flowing

my mind is a mess
my life is a mess
i'm struggling
i'm fighting

i'm surviving
this is my truth
the pain is unbearable
yet, i stand tall
yet, i'm smiling.

i always feel out of place, at 19 i still haven't found the place where i belong. i'm stuck in a small country with not much to do. i feel like i'm drowning; the world is happening around me yet i feel frozen. what's my purpose for living? what is my talent? i want to change the world. i want to be remembered for my good.

how do i find my purpose when i'm stuck in a country with no way out? how do i find my talent when my anxiety makes it difficult to try everything? how do i do anything when my depression makes me not want to leave my bed? what's my purpose? when will i become unfrozen? when will i find my place?    


                                       maybe tomorrow?
                                             next week?              
                                      next month?
                                               in a year or few
                                       or maybe never.

every forty seconds
a family cries
friends mourn
people wonder why

every forty seconds
a life is lost
every forty seconds
someone has had enough

people want answers
" why didn't they ask for help? "
but they did,
the signs were there
but they were ignored
people don't care until it's too late

every forty seconds
lives are changed
destroyed forever
is there a note?
a reason why?

one death, EVERY FORTY SECONDS
statistical numbers are climbing
when will people realize this is a growing problem?

stop.
give a kind word
or two.
lend a hand
you may save life and lower the statistics.

**** culture is being told to change my outfit five times too many because i don't want to attract the wrong man or give men the wrong idea.

**** culture is men (and women) thinking they're entitled to my body because parts of me are showing.

**** culture is being asked what did i do for a man to **** me. it's being asked if i was too friendly or trusting.

**** culture is blaming the victim for being ***** instead of blaming the ******.