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Yanamari Oct 2023
Hearts of steel don't exist
As hearts are fragile
Like glass thin and shapen
Taking on the pattern of rhythmic pulses
Blood racing to where our hearts are led

Hearts are fragile
Such that the heartless cannot fathom
The jagged sharp pieces ripping inside
And so they empty their chest
So that they can only see with their eyes
For if their heart controlled their eyes
They would turn blind
No heart in the slashes formed
No eyes in the heart that overwhelms the soul
Senses returning to base level zero

Hearts can only take so much
And if it were to break
How could it heal to the way that it used to be?
Yanamari Oct 2023
Like an iceberg floating
I float in water
Like an iceberg floating
I'm weighed down by weight on my shoulders
And if I could lift them I would
And I did and
I wish that I didn't
As I float

And I wish to flow freely
As the water does around me
And I wish to flow warmly
And I wish
I wish for so much
But I'm frozen in place
And all these years have passed by
And I've just hit the tip of the iceberg
And I still struggle with all that
Under the surface that I can't seem to see

And as it all resurfaces
And the weight returns in force tenfold
And I clutch at my chest
To hit into another iceberg
To feel the jarring vibrations
It's overwhelming
One cannot heal from such impactful encounters
To feel these feelings again...

You wouldn't want to.

And as I float by
Like an iceberg floating
I hold the weight of jarring vibrations
And like an iceberg floating
What's to keep me from breaking apart
Should I encounter these feelings again.
Yanamari Sep 2023
Sitting restlessly still
Idly passing time
All these circles I've walked
All these days cycling by
To keep a front of peace
I've constructed all these lies
And if I reach out
To touch a wall
It'd shatter
Who am I lying to
Telling myself
I'm frozen to the core

Each weak breath I breathe, although not warm
Holds the life left within me
Escaping my mouth
The misty vapour condensing
Tracks down the frozen walls and
Drawing my gaze
Freezing once more
And if I touch these frozen droplets
That lie on these walls surrounding me
They'd melt and freeze again
Too used to this cycle of
Lifting walls around me again

Walking in circles
I see where I've lied
What I've chosen as home
What I've chosen as life
I've lied to myself
And my eyes continuously search for that which
I deny myself

And the temperature of these walls I understand the most
And the temperature of these walls are what hold me close
Hold me together
All other ways and choices of life lost on me

And I realise
I realise all these lies that I latch onto
Held tightly in my hands
What my arteries and veins pulse for
Upholding a universe under my skin
The desires etched into every strand of DNA
Fading from within
Desiring a warmth out of reach
A warmth never felt
I originally published this under the title of 'Freezing life' but just discovered the word Xyst and I felt the contrast fit beautifully...

Just had a read through my drafts and this poem fits more and more in place
Yanamari Sep 2023
Heat emitting
Steaming whistling
Sinking repetitively
Emerging each time
Lacking that youthful glow
Replaced by the reflection
Of my toil given to me
Losing the heat of the moments
Leaving it all behind
It could only last so long
And here I am
Smoothened by the love only I could
Give me
Inspiration: Welding gold and the heat of youth - (Pers Ref: KTLMA)

Read a past diary entry from several years back - laughed if I'm being honest, the passion of adolescence is lost on me.

This poem I wrote mostly to vocalise the changes I see in myself compared to the past, otherwise the style of this poem isn't something I'd see myself publishing anymore.
Yanamari Jul 2023
Anyone else just scroll through their old poetry
and think to themselves "wow, I wrote this?"
i.e. Don't look down on your own poetry, your emotions and creativity are your own, just as much as the unique meaning you choose to convey through words.
Yanamari Jul 2023
Flirting on the topic of community
One finds themselves at a loss
Both in knowledge and in influence
We lack control

To define morality
To define discipline
To define nature and what is natural
As much as it is a social construct
It is just as much a personal construct.
In being so, as much as we lack within ourselves
and as much as we lack in being a community
Humanity loses adherence
And yet strengthens its adherence all the same

As much as one may believe we advance as a society
We lose ourselves
Societies cycle on, only words change their meanings.
The more I grow to witness two sides of a coin, the more I reconsider my position in the world.
Yanamari Jun 2023
Paint layers walls
And walls layer houses
Uncarefully placed
In our carefulness
Comforted in perfection unreachable

And what wisdom lays
In a world that wreaks destruction
On the weak foundations that we sow
And the even weaker plants that we reap
An amalgamating mess
Painted onto
Thin fragile walls
Holding up
Thin fragile houses
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