Thinking about you with another girl makes me physically sick

I can see it so vividly

I imagine your lips on her, and wonder if they kissed her collar bones the way they kissed mine

I imagine your hands on the small of her back, and wonder if they would trace up and down her spine the same way they would to me

I imagine you whispering in her ears pierced the way you would to me, telling me how beautiful I am

Thinking about you with another girl makes me so physically sick that I forget what to do with my hands, with my legs, with my soul, I lose myself.

I lose myself in how simply wonderful you are.
In the way your skin tastes like sea salt and your eyes resemble forests
In the way your smile makes my knees weak
I lose myself thinking about you with anyone else because every bit of me hates that image.

I hate that my memory of you is getting tarnished knowing the reality.

"I'm so OCD"
OCD isn't a joke.
Washing your hands over and over again until your skin is raw isn't a joke.
Doing things that your brain tells you to do, regardless of what, isn't funny.
Not having control is not a joke.

"You look so anorexic."
Eating disorders are not a joke.
Refusing to eat until it kills you isn't a joke.
Throwing up over and over again to get a body that you will never be happy with isn't funny.
Being control by the one thing that makes you feel like you have control isn't a joke.

"That made me so depressed."
Chemical imbalances in the brain isn't a joke.
Wanting to do nothing all the time isn't funny.
Wanting to die all the time isn't a joke.

Stop making jokes about things you don't understand.

And if you are dealing with any eating or mental disorder, I am so proud of you for still being here and staying strong. I know how hard recovery is. You will overcome it.

You're in my mind
And on my skin
This is a battle
I can't win

Your taste on my tongue
Your breath in my lungs
I have no escape
There's nowhere to run

I can't make it stop
This ache in my head
So I'll force myself
To fly somewhere else instead

There's nothing I can do
They tell me I'm crazy
They don't have a clue

Because I know
I'd wait forever for you

Here's something that I want you to have
It's a piece of my heart
A little bit of me
Maybe we can work on it
If you take it carefully

A little bit of love
Could really help
My world just fell apart
And I've been stalling on somebody to love

So take this broken piece
And we can work on it
I could give you all of me
But we can create something special
With just this bit
I have the rest of the chipped broken pieces
And slowly we can fix the rest

You and I can create a place to belong
Where I can open up my mind
If I make you feel loved
Please don't neglect it
My smile is only because of yours

All we have is just a part of me and you
Let's hope we never finish
Painting the living room

You've stoked a flame that will never fail
It's a warmth that I will fondly feel
I hope you and I will become something real

Every day, these walks get longer.
Every hour, these hands, they tremble.
Every minute, these eyes get weary.
Every second, this existence is fading.

As light approaches this darkened room,
We are shrouded in to the fog of melancholy.
Devoured by misery, consumed by life,
Slowly and slowly we burn into nothingness.

These gaps exist with the soul of our hearts.
The void of joylessness approaches.
All these *** that emotions can’t afford,
Our tears are kept in a jar.

What sick, ****** contagious lives we have.
We are fools to the repetitious cycle of despair.
We continue to gaze at the fields of the condemned.

How about a cigarette for us to breathe?
But let us quench into the foolishness of life.