it's incredible
how i stopped wishing
that somehow
we'd get caught under a mistletoe

i think i've ran out
of second chances

i convinced myself
that you're the one i need when
i needed love more

sometimes
when i close my eyes
i see
nothing

i try to reach the depths
to venture down the darkness
that can only stretch as far as one's mind can comprehend
i cower to hide behind the annotation of words
but i find myself pushing up for air

i lack oxygen
skill
strength
my words lack cadence and cohesion
and whatever i can conjure up
to excuse my incompetence

i walk on the shoreline
and feel the sand between my toes
with my shallow eyes
i see the sunlight

not roses nor tulips
not the smell of the wind rushing through your face
on the first day of spring
not the smell of newly cut grass
that fills your lungs with a new day

freshly squeezed orange juice
in the country side
not lemonade
even with the aid
of the scent a bright summer's day

not lazy sunday morning
when the rain would fall
and you'd scurry to the crook of your bed where you body fits
perfectly

not the earthy scent
of bonfires when the sun shys
from the twilight sky

not the afternoon walk you take
with all the time you have to yourself
you see a butterfly
it flutters
and you suddenly feel it in your stomach again

not even the scent of that four-letter-word in the air
can compare
and even above
all of that, i'm telling you
nothing smells better
than the person you love