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412 · May 2014
Allie
Nameless May 2014
she has half of her head on my laptop,
move her ear just to type,
she's drooling on the key board...
she's a dog.
409 · May 2014
Behind silver bars
Nameless May 2014
Brutality in truth

my lips are on guard

protecting intuitively both

the soft and the hard



Behind silver bars

the hoops cold and round

I find liberty here

beyond unmoving sound



Caged freedom is red

my lips need to seek

the piercings remind me--

think and if need be, speak
(J.B.)
400 · Jul 2014
Father's delusion
Nameless Jul 2014
Daddy's little girl;
Wearing puffy bloomers, frilly skirts, and pretty silk blouses.
What a PRETTY girl, daddy's little girl was.
...
Daddy starts to notice
As his little girl gets older,
She is changing in ways
He doesn't wish to see.
...
Daddy's little girl;
Wearing plaid boxers, skinny jeans, and a breast binder.
Daddy doesn't like this girl,
He wants HIS little girl.
...
Daddy doesn't confront the girl,
Only yells hurtful things.
"You are NOT a boy!"
"Quit wearing BOY clothes!"
"If I see you wearing THAT one more time..."
...
I stay silent,
as a single tear rolls down my face.
"God made you a GIRL!"
...
Father is delusional, and there is no God.
399 · May 2014
Doubt
Nameless May 2014
Get thee behind me, Doubt
There are dreams I belong to, don’t touch me yet again
Your vice has me in this schizophrenic turmoil
Don’t play with me, please, I cant surrender
The serpent coil of your dark moves tighten
Excruciating loss of naïve hopes
Scattered like phantoms on a lifeless night
The fever of a beginning, already parched
I stand frozen tonight
Fingertips hush an unspoken lie
Scared, my arms around my future, I hug
Shivering from memories of a past gone wrong
I look his way,
Would she find her way around my madness?
Would she stay?...
397 · Sep 2014
A dull ache
Nameless Sep 2014
I thought
When I got someone new,
I would feel a sense of happiness...
Or anything really.

But NO,
I still have that empty feeling...
But now it's growing vast;
Eating away at my chest.

No longer feeling numb,
But a dull ache
...
From head to toe
The emptiness has grown.
Because,
When I'm with someone else; I feel nothing.
...I need you.
Nameless May 2014
I don't want her to think I'm needy.
...
But I want her here next to me.
393 · Jan 2016
Talking to ones self
Nameless Jan 2016
I talk to myself,
my father isn't fond of it.

Will I really end up alone...
like he tells me, when I talk to myself.

... I answer no

But, when no one is around...
does it matter who I talk to?

Because...

I'd rather talk aloud, to myself, so I know...
That my thoughts are my own.
Short thing I came up with...
385 · Jan 2016
A Sense Of Betrayal
Nameless Jan 2016
I find things...
little things.
So... so small.
it clings to my touch
and I'm on fire.
I bat it away,
and i'm cold.
but I can tell its cold too.
...all alone. scared.
then I notice how alone i am.
how scared...
but still i call it closer.
and i feel it again,
burning at my fingertips.
I feel it's fear,
it's remorse,
and guilt.
But still,
I beckon it closer.
Because,
I feel compelled
to protect it.
Even if it burns me,
and my embers fly.
And the wind takes whats left of me.
'til I am all alone,
scared,
and cold...
Again.
please tell me what you think about my poetry
383 · Jan 2016
*WARNING* -Update-
Nameless Jan 2016
I'm in that 'mood' again...
so hold on, because there is a flood coming... tomorrow!
Poems... poems guys... not a literal flood.
381 · May 2014
Anna's light
Nameless May 2014
She is kind in heart,
but her soul seems dark.
{Yet when you prevail through the darkness}
In her mind you'll
notice
a bright,
shinning light.
And you will be overwhelmed,
with
a feeling of
Bliss.
377 · Apr 2014
psych
Nameless Apr 2014
Sometimes
I feel as if a wave has crashed
down upon my body
breathes become rapid
heartbeat slows
the feeling takes my place
with calming whisper
into my ear
I become something else
not in control
I found it
or rather him
with nothing but a gesture
day becomes night
unaware of actions
he'll react
but yet
he's laying on the ground
in a pool of blood
eyes fixed on me
... I'll play this game more than twice.
376 · May 2014
The chords of my escape.
Nameless May 2014
The chords of my escape.
The feeling of a beat.
The vibration of my soul.
It sends me to my peak.

I just love how it makes me feel,
But there’s no way the feeling is real.
I can close my eyes and look up to the ceiling.
It’s the most pleasurable feeling.

The way it makes me move.
Just gracefully on my feet.
In the chords of my escape.
There are no expectations to meet.

I’m free to be myself.
I can dance, I can sing.
I can twirl around on the floor.
That’s how it’s supposed to be.

But of course, all happiness has to come to an end.
I look at the ground
I sigh and frown.
It's time to let go of my only true friend.

I lift my hand to my ear
And pull out the plastic.
I suddenly feel blank again.
But soon again, I will feel ecstatic
With the chords of my escape.
375 · May 2014
Depression
Nameless May 2014
Just like a ghost
I drift through the days
Trying for reason
Thinking of ways.

Nothing changes
No matter how many pills I take
Give me numbness
And happiness I will fake

You don't pay attention
You don't even look
You don't glance
I'm an open book.

If you listened
You'd see who I really am
You'd know my pain
But turned away you stand

Eating disorders
And cutting deep
Everything is over
Nothing to keep

So when I die
You can have the guilt
Pay the price
Of the coffin you built

I'm done with tears
And everything more
This is the end
Of an open door.
374 · May 2014
kiss
Nameless May 2014
Simmer down and pucker up,
I'm sorry to interrupt.
It's just I'm constantly on the cusp
of trying to kiss you.
367 · May 2014
Rage
Nameless May 2014
this anger overwhelms me
imploding fingers
obsessed in red aroma
I want to slaughter
and lunge the dagger
I won't miss
this obsession for pain
inescapable
with no one to blame
I'm driven insane

I clench this blade tight
and lacerate my skin bright
needing  *******
to bleed the hatred out of me
but it furiously chases me
down my arm into my pen
right behind me
it will never end
in absolute fear
I slit this artery
with a smile on my face
ill flood the pavement
with my blood in a race
iron core liberated
as my blood scours the  floor
asking for more
loving the cold

ill bite the steel
sending shivers up
dental nerves
waking me up
hungry for
nothing
but to suffer

rooted hair
dug for release
ill scalp by tearing
it's never done me good
but impair my eyes,
I need those
to destroy the target
in precise pain
so ill look at the mirror
glare at the problem
launch my bones
into cracking reflections
breaking my bleed
into wild oblivion
tasting the rage
viscous and salty
warm and red

the hatchet sits enthused
sparking malice adrenaline
I'll give it a mighty purpose
evil ambition
to dismember them all
blood in a fall
this world
full of mistakes
blaming you
I'll make you feel carnage
ill shatter your knee caps
intruding your muscles
fiercely hacking
watching you die
kneeling in plead
of your pathetic life

begging for brain impact
to shock me blue
and ink these gaping cuts
revealing flesh
angst tattoos
reminding me
to never love myself
and don't forget
to "write about it"
self loathing exhibitionist
giving you something to crave

these skulls
I've internalized
falling out my closet
vibrating the air
pulverizing on impact
breathing the death
polluting my oxygen
powder shards ****** my bloodstream
documenting the insanity
in vanity
to violate you
and haunt your nights rabid

my teeth ravenous
to chomp
and fill its canyons
with live struggling flesh
smelling the death
my tongue craving iron heat
my nails long for freshly torn skin
underneath them
my pupils enthralled
erratic gore flashes
my body violently flaring limbs
victim of my own sanity
ill tear the wings off the butterfly
and burn the caterpillars into green goo
ill drench myself in gasoline
and strike up conversations with matches
ill load ONE bullet
teasing my death in Russian roulette
I'll make art of my demise
neural flesh scattered everywhere
I'll call it "wild salmon in the red sea"
inspired from my grimacing face

call me jack the ripper
attacking myself into the floor
ripping flesh into the morgue

(Unknown)
364 · Jun 2014
Temptation
Nameless Jun 2014
She works like a sinner,
with her hands running through my hair.
Asking about my collar,
pulling on it all to eagerly.
Why won't she leave,
coming into my room uninvited.
Knowing I'm without a shirt,
then she points at my scars.
She comes closer,
I try and back away.
But she puts her hands through my hair,
looking down at me with a smile.
while I'm thinking,
"How is this girl straight."
355 · Apr 2017
4-27-17
Nameless Apr 2017
People say we need religion;
We need "god".
To help us, to guide us, and to keep us safe.

Buy I believe life would be easier,
Without religion.
If people would just realize,
They don't need some grand figure to tell them to not be a ****.
You have more willpower than you know.

You can stop your bad ways or habits without "God".

Just don't stop.
But some people arnt strong enough-
They are weaker.

They lack the willpower to realize there is no "Grand plan"
If there is a "God", he left a long time ago.

You are free to make your own plan.

You are in control of your own life.
354 · May 2014
Kissing a witch
Nameless May 2014
Kissing a which is a perilous business.
Everybody knows
It's ten times as dangerous
As letting her touch your hand,
Or cut your hair,
Or even steal your shoes.
What simpler way is there
Than a kiss
To give power
A way into your heart.
352 · Mar 2015
I am who I am
Nameless Mar 2015
I am who I am
But I am not you
We may look alike
But I am not you
I will only ever be me
Which is a complicated thing
I see through my eyes
And not through yours
It's plain to see
But I'm blind you see
I am who I am
But I am not you
Who am I
350 · Jan 2016
7-15-15
Nameless Jan 2016
I know I'm different,
Believe me it's true...
I've been through
too much,
You-------
Journal
345 · May 2014
In the garden inside me
Nameless May 2014
Do I dare let you in
the garden inside me,
The sparrows are dead their tunes left unsung,
Dying waiting to be set free,
In a prison of rusty gates that
never open,
Flowers sacrifice their petals to
time,
The wind stealing them greedily
the only one that sings in this
shrouded wilderness
Kept sacred in the essence no longer
living,
The gates are open do you dare
walk in.
334 · Dec 2014
What's left of me
Nameless Dec 2014
What an imposibility,
two souls laying in one body...
One to stay the other settel.
The conflict that would take place in their mind,
a battle to which only one could win...
But would the other be missed; or even remembered?
I wrote this on account of the book I am currently reading:
What's left of me (the hybrid chronicales)
By:  Kat Zhang
Nameless Apr 2014
I want to tell you something you should know,
Something that you might not want to hear.
It is, however, true of me, and so
If you would know me, I must make it clear.
I am a woman who loves other women.
I could not, nor would want to be aught else.
I am your daughter and a lesbian.
Please make a place for that within yourself.
Please love me as I am, as I love you
No differently from when I was a child.
I am the daughter that you always knew
Save for one sweet way that fate has smiled.
Whatever you decide, I'll love you still,
For love heeds not the weather, but the will.
326 · Sep 2014
jumbled thoughts
Nameless Sep 2014
pale, bitter agony, sweet ordered chaos, vague awareness, dead to the world, unable to wake yet unable to sleep, hopelessly happy, wanting to be in the limelight, yet to shy to take center stage. Teach me how how to live and I'll teach you how to fly.
326 · May 2014
Insane?
Nameless May 2014
Insane?
Hallucinations and voices.
I think I’m seeing
Something now.
Look! There it is.
What?
You can’t see it?
No, I swear
I’m not insane.
It’s right there!
A little girl,
Black hair,
Victorian dress.
She’s looking at us,
From across the hall.
She’s mumbling something.
As she walks closer.
Where is she going?
I think she’s coming,
Towards us.
Wait!
Where did you go?
Please don’t leave!
Oh no,
The little girl.
She has a knife.
Please come back!
I need your help!
Where did you go?
You just disappeared.
The girl,
I can hear her now.
She’s mumbling about
Death
She’s lifting the knife.
Where are you?
I need you now.
She’s attacking me.
Now, everything’s growing
Blurry and dark.
All I feel is a searing pain
All over my body
You left though.
To save yourself.
You let her attack me.
I can’t stay awake
Any longer.
Why are the lights so bright?
I only closed my eyes for a minute
They claim I’m in the hospital
They think I tried to **** myself
I told them about you
And the girl
But they don’t believe me
Instead, they sent me away.
To a white rubber room
I have a special jacket
It lets me hug myself
They claim I’m insane.
Beyond repair.
They say you aren’t real
Nor, is the girl.
They say I have
Schizophrenia
But, you can prove them wrong.
Just introduce yourself.
I’ve tried to introduce you.
But, they all look at me,
With pity covering their features.
Please, just say hello.
Then, they’ll know, that you’re real.
323 · Apr 2014
I am odd
Nameless Apr 2014
I'm odd,
in many ways...
I'll talk to myself when no one is around.
I blare my music, while walking down the street; dancing, singing, head banging like no ones watching.
I make friends with the stray cats in my neighborhood.
I like dressing like a boy, and being with my friends.
I love to draw, write, and take photo's.
But my favorite thing to do is lay awake in the Gypsy field, with out a care in the world.
322 · Jul 2014
suicides kiss
Nameless Jul 2014
I can't escape myself,
I SCREAM!
Bleeding black and red
As I lay dead,
Cause I've been shot in the head;
But yet nothing is said.
They mend up my cuts,
With thread on my wrist.
I'm gone and won't be missed.
I'm running through the forest,
And the mist I just felt suicides kiss.
321 · Sep 2014
If only it were a dream
Nameless Sep 2014
“My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains”
my mind as I sit in my overgrown grassy field.
I lie back, and look at the last rays of sunlight,
glimmer across the green leaves of the trees,
that creep up behind me in their sneaky ways.
My head is throbbing as silent tears slip down,
unseen by anyone other than the stars in dark,
my pale cheeks, and my messy, knotted hair.
I curl up in a ball on my side in the blackening night.
I hold my arms tightly around myself, desperately,
trying to keep from completely falling apart.
My choked sobs echo in the woods that reach,
comfortingly, out to me. I am tempted to go;
to climb into my favorite tree, settle in my place,
and just lie there forever-until unconsciousness
becomes my lonely eternity. Animals, insects,
and bugs are dead silent while I cry myself to sleep,
in the soft, caring grass, and my final wish,
before I go under, is that it hadn’t been him;
it hadn’t been me, and that everything would
be back to normal, and it was nothing but,
a sad, frightening, horrible, impossible dream.
321 · Jul 2014
Boys, ugh!
Nameless Jul 2014
They flirt and grab my shirt
No, I don't slap there hands away
I prefer a simpler method
Straight from there *****
Leaving them crying in pain.
I'll kneel down beside them
And whisper in there ear...
"Now we're both girls... I prefer it that way"
321 · Jun 2014
Lauren
Nameless Jun 2014
She is like a lamb
sweet, innocent, and pure.
How did someone like her,
become a friend to me?
...
You've gotten to know me,
as I have you.
But I'm keeping a secret,
one from you.
Cause my intentions,
at first
weren't so pure.
...
What you do not know is,
I like girls.
315 · Oct 2015
UNTIL IT HAPPENS TO YOU
Nameless Oct 2015
I didn't want it,
not in any sense of the word.
Mom & Dad, I still have nightmares!
And when you bring it up... I lose myself.
I want to collapse into myself, to disappear.

Dad,
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I don't hug you or kiss you goodnight anymore.
it's just, every time I do... I feel HIM.
I know it's you...
But I can't help but fall back; When I close my eyes & see that face...
HE stared down at me, HE didn't even look human.
And I'm different Because of THAT.

Mom,
IT'S made me paranoid!
I jump when someone grabs my arm...
And I don't know what to do?
I know, I made it seem one way... in hopes it would all go away.

But,
Mom & Dad...
                             I'm TERRIFIED!
315 · Oct 2014
Grace
Nameless Oct 2014
I feel for you;
making my heart skip a beat.
You are creative and it shows;
like when you draw on your hands,
the ones I wish I could hold.
But every time I try to show,
(the way I feel)
my courage dissapates;
And I'm left there just staring...

Lost in the flood of my thoughts.
314 · Sep 2014
As poets
Nameless Sep 2014
We, as poets

we fear the tangible

our fingers have lost the ability to

touch, to

feel

from

nights spent clutching our pens

from

unclenching our fists

from

peeling our

fingertips away from the ones we cannot afford to lose.

From pressing the familiar lines of our

palms together while looking

up past the cracked ceiling

up past the cloud that Darius calls

God

We, as poets, do not believe in a

heaven, for

Purgatory

is so sweet
312 · Sep 2014
Dream
Nameless Sep 2014
so this is where all the dreaming takes me
to a cold, empty reality
with sleep still in my eyes
shivering, confused, I must’ve overslept
now it’s time to wake up
one last yawn, then face the lies
I’m barefoot and the streets are rough
paved with broken glass
but that’s okay
’cause the land is flowing
with milk and honey
bread and butter
and justice
if you just keep on going ...
308 · Apr 2014
Fifteen
Nameless Apr 2014
Fifteen's neither child nor adult,
In between charade and innocence,
Fending off the forces that would shape
Too soon an unremarkable result.
Even if one were oneself to ape
Essences to which the heart assents,
No draft could be approved without revolt.
305 · May 2014
Dark girl
Nameless May 2014
Dark girl so filled with strife
Dark Dark girl she'll take your life
Dark girl stay for a while
Dark Dark girl she makes me smile
Dark girl she shows no fear
Dark Dark girl is always near
Dark girl wont see her cry
Dark Dark girl just wants to die

But Dark girl lives in the dark
so you don't see her painful mark

Dark Dark girl may never know
just how much the light can show
302 · Sep 2014
Absence
Nameless Sep 2014
I want to destroy you as bad as you destroy me

But sometimes

Most of the time

I want you to destroy me

If it meant lying next you at night
299 · Sep 2014
When you feel me
Nameless Sep 2014
when you feel me,
you become an artist.
shattered thoughts rolling off your tongue
making you taste the blood that made you a warrior.

my presence is the rain
forcing you to stay inside where it feels like there are too many mirrors,
waiting for you to unveil who you are despite efforts.

you see, happiness is just a ****.
it grows and climbs whenever it may wish,
wherever it wants.
but I, have roots.
and purpose.
and the intention to make you see
that you cannot pull me from the depths of this earth.
I will grow and grow and make my presence unforgettable.
and the fruits of my soul will be beautiful,
don't be fooled by dips or curves or imperfection
because the milk of this earth flows in valleys.

I am that look of disappointment from your father,
I am scraping your insides and rattling your bones
until that person you never thought existed comes out,
I am fire rolling off tears,
I am the sound of scribbles in the dark,
I am the soundtrack to the life living beneath the sheets,

but I am also your best friend.
I will make sure that though it feels as if your bones are cracking,
your ribs stay intact to protect your heart.
I will show you
that though I seem unpleasant,
the best things in life don't come wrapped in pink bows,
because you certainly didn't.
you came onto this planet with blood and pain
and you challenged the machinery of our own bodies for your creation.
so stop labeling me
as evil or pure,
wrong or right,
wanted or unwanted,
and just feel.
298 · May 2014
{pain...liquid}
Nameless May 2014
I did it again.
{The bad thing}
Turning my pain
into liquid once again.
...
I felt at ease,
As I wrote on the wall,
In blood it read.
...
{I want to turn my pain into liquid}
it's only a matter of time,
Before the poor soul,
finds my message.
...
{On the bathroom wall}
293 · Apr 2014
One day
Nameless Apr 2014
One day I'm nice,
the next i'll bite.
Till I draw blood
and make you scream,
From all the hateful things
inside of me.
The next i'll bite,
One day I'm nice.
But it wont last,
then I'll kick and punch,
while i scream your name.
You'll wish you were dead
and no longer sane,
I'll cut your vein,
as i watch you bleed
so i'll know
you can no longer leave.
293 · May 2014
e.e
Nameless May 2014
e.e
it's late at night
everyone but me is asleep
i dont know what to do
...
i know
i'll raid the fridge
292 · Feb 2015
Take a look
Nameless Feb 2015
Take a look at me
&
Tell me what you see
Do you see my forceful smile
The smile that hides so many secrets
or
Do you see the tears in my eyes
The eyes that once took into much evil

Do you see my heart
The heart that holds hurt & shame inside
or
Do you see my skin
The skin that holds scars of pain

Do you hide my secrets
Do you see the evil
Do you feel my hurt, my shame
or
Do you see my scars

So take a look
&
Tell me what you see
291 · Apr 2014
Life will go on?
Nameless Apr 2014
My headphones on,
music as high as it will go.
People staring,
saying things,
I no longer wish to know.
Pointing at my collar,
and the writing on my shoes,
not taking a hint,
or a stupid clue.
I don't want there attention,
or piercing eyes,
not there judgement,
followed by some lies.
So take the hint,
with my headphones on,
no one will notice me,
and life will go on.
287 · Jul 2014
For the time being
Nameless Jul 2014
I'm forced
To wear a mask,
The mask I've wished
To throw away.
Now is back soon me,
What a wretched thing
This mask can be...
It's repulsive,
When I wear it;
Unnatural,
It agitates me
To a point
Where I'll go mad.
{PLEASE TAKE THIS MASK OFF OF ME... please}
284 · May 2014
Lost souls
Nameless May 2014
An old abandoned cemetery lays at rest just beyond the trees.
It’s a forgotten place where life ceased long ago.
All that exists now is mostly covered in a white fog.
This is all I saw only two days ago.

I heard faint sounds but they weren't eerie.
They were serene like something experienced with white noise.
The souls which were once lost had now been found.
This is what I heard only two days ago.

It's not like today, now two days later, where I see people trying to find their way.
I sense they’re the new lost souls.
(D.s.w.)
281 · Sep 2014
Man eater
Nameless Sep 2014
Beware little black widow spider
For her designs on you are sour.
She may look sweet and innocent
But your essence she will devour.

Coldly she watches your every move
preying on your transparent loneliness
You believe she was made only for you
In her eyes I see nothing but emptiness.

It's lust not love that drives this girl
Don't get caught in her web of deceit.
She is incapable of the love you crave
To her you're nothing but fresh meat.

I beg dear friend come back, resist her
Please don't fall under her wicked spell.
Don't let her beauty cloud your fragile mind
Go and find another who will treat you well.
280 · Sep 2014
Drowning
Nameless Sep 2014
i.

Witness the greatest horror
of my life;
first person view
bears illusions
I have control.

My life
spins uncontrollably
each emotion swallowed
within vicious whirlpools of
my existence;
like a sinking ship.


ii.

My words are a bayonet,
tearing large infectious wounds
in the hearts of those,
that once loved me.

I am a sadist;
enjoying every solitary slice I rip
from them,
and
their screams,
serenade my ears.

it completes me.

iii.

My soul stares in trepidation
disfigured with every affliction,  
I inflict upon others.

these skeleton wrists and
scare-crow ankles are strapped
to the water board,
built by my uncontrollable anger.

Forced to watch my body's new host,
destroy the temple it has invaded.
279 · Jun 2014
Mind
Nameless Jun 2014
My mind is a great maze
with never ending puzzles
that even I find hard to solve
so I shouldn't expect much from others
when they try and solve my riddles
I find it calming
as I see them struggle
just as I have for so very long
but when someone is to solve
my puzzle
I shall give them my respect
...
(And maybe a cupcake... with sprinkles)
274 · May 2014
Who is this woman
Nameless May 2014
I'm meeting my mom today
What a shame to put on this day
I wait awhile
with a sign pinned to my shirt
But what I wish to do
Is crush it in the dirt
Time goes by
And
Time went
...
I went back home
With the charred remains of the sign
That I lit a fire in the parking lot
...
I walk into my room
Kick off my shoes
And I hear my dad at the door
Asking If I'm alright
...
I won't cry, or even talk about her.
...
It's not like she would actually come to see me.
I no longer matter to her...
274 · Oct 2014
Tammy LIES
Nameless Oct 2014
Don't you fill my head with hope.
I've come to far, cried for to long.
'Cause it's inevetable...
You'll never keep your word,
Because to me it means NOTHING.
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