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Apr 2019 · 250
We are monsters
victoria Apr 2019
We are monsters
You and me
Those non believers
The real life dreamers
They can’t conceive us
Too blind to see

We are monsters
We live below
Blackened mirrors
Cold dark shivers
The pretties don’t hear us
Our hearts can’t glow

We are monsters
We sleep alone
We dance underground
Our hearts wrapped around
The silence of sound
We’ll never be known
Mar 2019 · 151
My love
victoria Mar 2019
My heart needs nothing but you, my love
My dreams of castles and fairytales are no more
For you fill my head completely, my love
You are my fairytale
and my castle forever more

My soul no longer searches for its mate, my love
For it now resides within your soul
My fear no longer engulfs me, my love
For you’ve replaced it with a love I’ve never before known

I would die without your love, my love
My mended heart would shatter
and wilt
You are the glue that keeps me whole, my love
My broken life you have beautifully rebuilt

I yearn and ache for the day, my love
When you ask for my hand for life
There is nothing I was born for more, my love
than growing old as your faithful wife
Mar 2019 · 138
Menopause
victoria Mar 2019
Hot sweaty nights
Half a life gone by
Second semester
Just wanting to cry

Happy to anger
In 0 to 10 seconds
Want to control it
And kick someone’s head in

Skin filling with lines
Showing up all flaws
Weight out of control
I hate you menopause
Very quickly written ******* poem
Feb 2019 · 160
Submissive 2
victoria Feb 2019
Submissive

Peel me raw with your voice
Undress my mind with your wit
Scrape my bones with your laughter
******* blood, so I submit

Pluck out my heart with your soul
Rip through my spine with your mind
Extract my juice with your eyes
Make me love you, till my eyes go blind

Devour my essence
by employing your wisdom
Engulf my anger
inside of your skin
Siphon my love
urging your inhale
For you my angel,
are my only sin
Jan 2019 · 395
Age
victoria Jan 2019
Age
A lifetime of aging
A head full of knowledge
A heart heavy with regrets

Time cannot be slowed
Knowledge is never saturated
With time the heart forgets
Hope
Dec 2018 · 298
Wet hair, warm towel
victoria Dec 2018
Wet hair
Warm towel

Arms wrapped around
my tiny shoulders
You were my first love

Wet hair
Warm towel

My daddy
My whole world
You were my only love
Back then
I didn’t see
Anyone else

Wet hair
Warm towel

Yesterday you died

Wet hair
Warm towel

My beautiful memory
My dad died on Saturday the 1st of December 2018... after a long, hard and heartbreaking battle with motor neurone disease. He was too sick for his original plan of assisted suicide and was left unable to speak, eat or move for the last 6 months. My early memory of him was him washing my hair in the bath then wrapping me in a warm towel... now he is a peace without his broken body
Nov 2018 · 205
Your love
victoria Nov 2018
Your love is the lining around my heart
Its the sugar I stir into my tea
Your love is the chill on my finger tips
And my tears as they fall to the sea

Your love is the blanket to keep out the cold
It’s my mind when it’s impossible to sleep
Your love is the petals that worship the sun
And the wooly socks I wear on my feet

Your love is the first of the morning frost
It’s the passion that drinks up my fear
Your love is the candle that helps me to pray
And the memories I’ll always hold dear

Your love is what drives me to wake up each day
It’s my favourite book to re-read
Your love is the sea as it calls my name
It is all the love that I need...
Sep 2018 · 270
Pavement
victoria Sep 2018
I’ve been looking at the pavement lately
Too scared to look beyond
Too frightened of scaring the future
By bringing my past along
Aug 2018 · 655
The wrong skin (revisited)
victoria Aug 2018
My outside doesn’t reflect my in
I’m sitting here in the wrong skin
My heart it aches
Though I project a grin
I’m sitting here in the wrong skin

Can you imagine how it feels
Could you even try to begin
The pain when the mirror
reflects the wrong skin

I want to feel free
I want to feel it deep within
That I’m finally here
In front of you all
beaming from the right skin
Jul 2018 · 1.2k
Arachnophobia
victoria Jul 2018
Arachnophobia

I want to live in nature
I want to travel the world
I want to live in a forest and hold hands with Mother Earth

But I have arachnophobia
My phobia is so strong that I’ve turned down jobs, trips to beautiful places even dinner parties at known spider houses!!
Jul 2018 · 394
Dad
victoria Jul 2018
Dad
Dad

Go gently to your resting place
Go knowing that you were loved
Go with the Heavenly Father
Go watch over us from above

I know this is a better place for you
I know your body will be free
From the pain and frustration you had on earth
Where finally you can just be

Be able to walk, run and jump
Be able to speak at will
Be free from all restrictions
Be free from all the pills

God will have a beautiful garden
For you to tend and help thrive
I know this was your strength on Earth
It’s what helped you stay alive

Go gently to your resting place
Go knowing that you were loved
Go with the Heavenly Father
Go watch over us from above
Dad wanted to go to dignitas in Switzerland but sadly the paper work wasn’t finalised before the motor neurones took over his ability to go... he’s very very sick now after 2 strokes so I’ve been asked to write a poem for his funeral... it’s still in draft form so I may change it, especially the gardening bit... his garden is what kept him going
Jul 2018 · 319
Broad bean
victoria Jul 2018
Broad bean

I wish I was a broad bean
All cozy warm and safe
Wrapped up in soft fluffy white
A place to hide my face

I wish I was a broad bean
Growing bigger beneath the sun
Chatting with the other beans
Relaxing having fun

I wish I was a broad bean
My only purpose in life
To be as tasty as I can be
Then eaten with a fork and knife
Just messing around
Jun 2018 · 322
True love
victoria Jun 2018
Sometimes if your dreams come true
You should make sure they always remain true....
Happy ever after doesn’t exist
Find your dream
Immortalise it
In that space in time
Then get rid of anything
That can feed it progression
Conserve it as newly born
Development will **** it
find it
Remember it
**** it
Jun 2018 · 312
Why?
victoria Jun 2018
A smile?
Not an option
A broken heart?
A definite
victoria Jun 2018
I saw a white horse and a wood pigeon today so quickly wrote a poem about them, the horse was under the tree that the wood pigeon was resting on.


The white horse and the wood pigeon....

I saw a white horse and a wood pigeon
Talking like old friends beneath the trees
The pigeon with feathers of autumnal grace
The white horses mane blowing in the breeze

The pigeon asked the white horse, if he had wings, to where in the world would he fly?
The horse replied “To heaven of course”
“I’m just waiting for time to pass by”

The horse asked the pigeon if he could gallop, what would his destination be?
The pigeon replied he’d gallop the world, then lay down to die by the sea

A toad near by was listening, and asked “Why do you both dream of death”?
“I don’t wish to fly or to gallop, I’m just thankful of each tiny breath”

The toad loved his life in the pond, and spent each day feeling blessed
Of the beauty and the life he’d been given
Never thinking of eternal rest.

True the horse and the pigeon had great beauty, and felt it right they could gallop and fly
But the toad had beauty running under his skin
Filled with love and happiness inside.

The horse and pigeon finally made it to heaven,
but were sent away to learn more of life
The toad was accepted with open arms
Reunited with his beautiful wife
Jun 2018 · 216
Too full
victoria Jun 2018
I have to run to the sea,
my love
Or my heart will explode into space
Instead it makes waves
for all to feel
my love
And leaves a warm smile
on their face
Almost 41 and only just learning to love
Jun 2018 · 178
With you
victoria Jun 2018
With you

I want to play on the slot machines
I want to stroll on the pier
I want to feed you fish n chips
And smile from ear to ear
Happy times ahead
May 2018 · 288
Gulls
victoria May 2018
What do you feel as you circle my mind?
The new happiness within me?
Or the love I’ve finally found?

I know that you’re waiting for parts of me to drop
Down onto the street
My mind for you to pick
Parts of my soul for you to eat

I watch you day after day and your song annoys me at the start.
Now it soothes me
Ive fallen for you hungry gulls
And your ever hungry hearts
There is always something or someone waiting for it to fail... if it’s not you, it’s something or someone else...
Mar 2018 · 691
Rainbows
victoria Mar 2018
Rainbows

I love rainbows
I love the fact that I’ve read how they are formed
Yet I select delete to forget it
To keep them magic
To keep the belief that they are caused by the sky’s happiness
To believe that the *** of gold
is a metaphor for love

I love rainbows
because it’s a faith that holds no judgment
A belief that requires no war
A vision that only gives warmth
and creates pleasure
A lightness in the sometimes days full of a dull dark grey

I love rainbows
because they are safe to love
And safety and love are what this world needs the most
If life was lived believing in the magic of rainbows
What a beautiful, colourful and wondrous world we’d be living in.

I love rainbows
Mar 2018 · 305
Washing up gloves
victoria Mar 2018
There’s a hole in my marigold washing up gloves
The water just seeping inside
I noticed it just now standing over my sink
My hands wet instead of staying dry

These’s a whole in my shoe
A very small one
It lets in tiny stones from the beach
But I still keep on walking
The sea that I’m stalking
My happiness almost in reach

Now the whole in my heart is getting smaller
A real love is all that it took
So the other holes can let in the water and stones
All it took from him was that first look
Love. Hope. Getting better
Mar 2018 · 533
Losing to Switzerland
victoria Mar 2018
Assisted suicide...

The white coats are waiting
Little pills to stop the pain
All’s needed now is to swallow
To sleep and stop the shame

A shame that didn’t belong
A family left to morn
A journey already written
A body broken and worn

Go gently to the white coats
Keep my hand till you silently slip
Swallow down your shame, my father
I’ll remain till you lose your grip
Another poem relating to my fathers impending assisted suicide in Switzerland.... and I wonder why insomnia is my friend
Mar 2018 · 229
Insomnia
victoria Mar 2018
My friend insomnia

I know you love me insomnia
I know you get restless if I sleep
I know you hate it when I take a pill
And lie here counting sheep

But I need my body to rest, my dear
And my mind have time to dream
The sleepless nights spent by your side
Leave me angry and wanting to scream

Please my friend let me still my mind
And my sub conscience make sense of my pain
I just want an hour of switching off
Or I feel I may go insane
I’m so tired these past few months that I’m not reading because my brain and eyes hurt and I’m writing very little.  I’m behind on all of your beautiful poetry and I’m sad that I missing out..... I hope that I’m able to read all of your wonderful words soon. Apologies, life is getting in the way and Mr Insomnia isn’t helping ***
Mar 2018 · 216
Finally
victoria Mar 2018
And all of a sudden
Without even knowing
         This new love showed her...
That all the men
Who had broken her heart
          Had never deserved her....
Mar 2018 · 224
Cj
victoria Mar 2018
Cj
My angel boy

I’m drowning in you
I can’t stop the flood
Brain is scrambled
Blood starts to thud

You’re under my skin
You seep deep inside
I shield my love
But my soul I can’t hide

You encompass my heart
You engulf my mind
I’m lost without your love
Without you I am blind
Mar 2018 · 208
Falling fear
victoria Mar 2018
Falling fear

Like swallowing glass
I begin to choke down
Your vicious notes
Though I fear their sound

Like fading in the sun
Like falling through a cloud
Impaled onto your sharpness
Left to bleed on the ground
Mar 2018 · 178
Love
victoria Mar 2018
I want to feel you inside me so deep that I never feel that hole in my heart ever ever again.
I want us to become one when you’re deep within me so that I never ever feel lonely, because a part of you will live inside of me forever.
I want our hearts to dissolve into one another so they beat in unison and we never feel sad when we’re apart.
I want to kiss you so passionately that our souls combine and we become a brand new whole that no one can pull apart.
I want us to whisper “I love you” so sweetly that the wind carries it away and whispers it in our ears whenever you are away from me.
I want to laugh with you until both our stomachs hurt and we fall over giggling and then make love on the floor where we lay.
I want to be the best decision you ever made so that you love and adore me even when I’m old and grey.

I believe in you, I believe in us and I believe in this love
Feb 2018 · 490
The laundrette
victoria Feb 2018
The laundrette

There is something about the laundrette
That makes me feel at peace
the warmth of the dryers
soft humming of the motors
tucked away from the busy streets

I like to watch the other people
who are sitting just like me
I like to wonder what they’re thinking of
as they sip hot takeaway tea

Do they let their worries wash away
as the colours spin round and around
do they think about the kids dinner
or the new boyfriend they’ve found

I think I’ll come here more often
as it seems a nice place to write
all warm, safe and relaxed
I could stay in here all night!
Sitting in my local laundrette... forgot my book. People watching and feeling all warm and happy
Feb 2018 · 1.1k
Waitress (waiter)
victoria Feb 2018
Waitress (waiter)

You don’t need good grades to be a waitress
But you do need a heart of gold
Correct grammar is certainly not necessary
But you must love the young to the old

You’ll require a smile that’s genuine
Even if your heart is blue
And a passion to make the whole world feel special
with a soul that’s honest and true

They are days you won’t feel like smiling
and times you’ll just want to cry
But the people pleasing side of your nature
Leads to stories that you glorify

You’ll tell stories that make people happy
And stories that make children smile
You’ll tell so many jokes and so many tales
But their reaction makes your efforts worthwhile

Sometimes your days will be funny
And others days maybe quite rough
But knowing you made someone’s day special
outweighs the days that are tough

So next time your served by a waitress
And you think she didn’t listen in school
Remember she has skills that you would find hard
If you don’t see this then you’re clearly the fool!
Very quickly written poem just to clear out some issues surrounding my job. Some days I forget to feel proud that I’m a waitress and instead I feel ashamed
Feb 2018 · 215
Time
victoria Feb 2018
So sad

It’s time my beauties
for me to say goodbye
Please don’t blame yourselves
Or ask why

It wasn’t right anymore
for me to stay
My head all messed up
My heart not ok

I want you to know
It couldn’t have been prevented
It’s been coming along time
Just know I consented
Feb 2018 · 214
Freedom
victoria Feb 2018
Freedom

I’ll never forget
The anger in your eyes
Filled with hatred
No thought to disguise

I went to buy milk
An innocent child
Your fury scared me
It felt wrong deep inside

Not an English owned shop
You spat in my face
Said I was a traitor
I was in disgrace

I knew from that day on
That I had to leave
That town so dark
Riddled with dis-ease

I’d never even noticed
Difference in colour of skin
Until you showed me
Such hatred from within

But I got away
And moved to a new life
Where people didn’t care
If you were black, purple or white
Feb 2018 · 349
Unborn
victoria Feb 2018
Unborn

My skin
porous and thirsty
Your sweat
dripping in whiskey

I’m soaked
within your vanity
My soul
lost to insanity

My heart
desperate and worn
My love
Afraid and unborn
Feb 2018 · 201
Lost and broken
victoria Feb 2018
Lost and broken

I’m porous,
I was born this way
You can drip your pain
deep through my skin

You can’t wash over me
I’m permeable
I draw you to me
I wish I didn’t know how

My heart is out on the street
Drenched with the pain of the lost and broken

I can’t shake you off
You run under my skin
You dance within my veins

The sadness is
that I need your pain to survive
I need to feel you
So I can’t feel myself
Feb 2018 · 350
Josephine
victoria Feb 2018
Josephine

Unfold yourself
Let the world see
How beautiful you are
How strong you can be

Reach up for the light
Pollinate your soul
Resurrect her from deep within
Let those petals unfold

Show those you feel stand taller
That you shall pass them by
Feel the earth beneath you
You will get there
My darling
you
will fly
I wrote this for a girl I work with called Josephine... I wish she knew how wonderful she is
Feb 2018 · 250
Pie Jesu
victoria Feb 2018
Pie Jesu (song)

You disarm me
You alarm me
You set my heart free

You permit my soul to soar
I shed tears in your waves
You let me be.......me

My hairs stand on end
My heart you transcend
As you arrest my breath

I begin to move
My soul to soothe
You’ve saved me from death
Listen
Feb 2018 · 276
Beautiful dark devil
victoria Feb 2018
Dark devil

We hide in your shadow
As the day light summons the night
the street lights caress your ora
As you begin your choreographed flight

We dance upon your footprints
Smudged glitter upon our skin
Twisting and jumping in great delight
Saving our minds from deep within

We’ve waited patiently with our angels
For your greatness to appear
We yearn for the balance of your darkness
Within us no thoughts of fear

Our angels fall back in time
for now you are our master
Our dark minds now return
We jump high
we jump far
we run faster.
Light and dark complicated complimented
Feb 2018 · 353
Palermo
victoria Feb 2018
Cradled inside the affectionate arms of Sicily’s warm hearted streets, the November sunshine takes pity on her, nestles in and resides within her worn out body.
Eyes closed and face turned towards the light; she imagines herself as a sunflower, grounded, rooted, dependent on the sunshine for any movement.
She sits outside the gates of the Teatro Massimo and listens as the sounds of the deserted streets from the early morning, gently begin to swell with the eagerness of tourists and local students alike.

Her carelessly chosen cafe is nonchalant in character, and sets the theme for the day ahead.
She has nowhere to be, and no one to be nowhere with. She is as set in her unplanned ways, as the sun will eventually set into the sea.

She sits down by the harbour... the gentleness of the sea calms her swollen mind.
How she’d give up her soul to sail away and discover the inviting coastline.
But she couldn’t even navigate her own thoughts, even out here, where she feels at home, her mind is as unsettled as a compass that has fallen for a magnet, pulling in every direction but never actually leaving. Lost in science, but bound by love.
Too soon the evening sky dresses in her finest and she is draped within fine silks and the days newly found darkness

Nighttime falls all too quickly as the singing of the locals chatter begins to fade, and the sunshine pulls over the shades, she settles herself into the evenings cool breeze and forgets that soon it’ll be time to return back to her mundane life.
Holiday
Feb 2018 · 178
Here to stay
victoria Feb 2018
Whispering I love you
after I’ve swallowed you down
Your perfect little angel
from the ***** side of town

You cleaned me up
You loved me
You made me feel brand new
We were meant to be together
I was made from a part of you

I’ll never be that girl again
self respect that’s torn away
Because you saved me
Helped me to love myself
And I know you’re here to stay
Feb 2018 · 437
Jim and Kermit
victoria Feb 2018
Just felt and green
A vision in the eyes
of the brightest soul
Contains the heart of a child

Just felt and green
A life breathed inside
A creation mirrors the soul
its master full of pride

Just felt and green
One and the same
Maker and puppet
Jim and Kermit by name

Just felt and green
A talented writer
A life dearly missed
Made the world brighter
Work in progress still i feel....
Feb 2018 · 418
Slice neater
victoria Feb 2018
Slice it neater

Deep red
thick wet
dripping to the floor
Head pounding
Memories hounding
Do you want some more?

Cut deeper
Slice it neater
You know what you need
Feel the pain
Memories drain
Body starts to plead

Emotions lifting
Fear sifting
Calmness rears it’s smile
Lost restraint
Feeling faint
Numbness for a while
Not written about myself, I’ve not self harmed in years... written about a character in a film...
Feb 2018 · 307
Anxiety
victoria Feb 2018
Hands sweaty
Heart racing
Hope has run away
Fear crippling
Lungs gasping
Anxiety’s here to stay

Head spinning
Stomach swimming
Rational thinking dead
Need a drink
Need a pill
Need to leave my head

Chest tight
Too scared to fight
Breathing not a choice
Vision blurred
Mind impaired
Can not find my voice
Jan 2018 · 951
A poem for my love
victoria Jan 2018
For my love  

If someone asked me where I lived, I’d reply that I lived within you
If they asked me for a location, I’d say wherever your heart resides

If they asked me where I was born, I’d tell them that I was born from a part of you
If they asked what part, I’d reply both your heart and your soul

If they asked me where I’d like to live out my days
I’d sing to them that my days were only to be close by your side
And when they asked where I like to die, I’d simply reply within your warm loving arms.
Jan 2018 · 190
Life’s fate paths
victoria Jan 2018
Passing by
one by one
in opposite directions
never touching
barely looking

Then there are the ones that
none pass by
They might stop
Upset the rhythm
Hoping for a glance
A smile

Some go in the same direction
Side by side
Sometimes different speeds
But always within sight
Until their destination
Separates
Changes path
Written whilst watching cars below me on a duel carriage way.
Thinking how their journeys can be like the journeys of people, and there souls destination.
Telling myself not to jump.
Jan 2018 · 224
After you’re gone
victoria Jan 2018
Dripping from fingertips
Laid out bare
Lifeless
Drained
Heartbroken stare

A beauty witnessed
by all but you
Hidden
Pushed back
Inside out view

Dawn is waking
As they carry you away
Lost
Broken
Empty where you lay
Suicide, written about death by slitting wrists
Jan 2018 · 260
When I was eleven
victoria Jan 2018
When I was eleven....

Early spring rings
as violet and blue
in my path lie
Yellow heads
long necks of strength
Portraits pirouette towards
the young amber sky

It is here you dawn
upon my fledgling heart
It is here
where you loom
And steel my mind
Where you stretch me between the fields of cotton rich blue

Tightly cropped bales
statue beneath the sun
I am as young as the early morning due
I call out through eyes of poppy red
Heart fading from crimson
You’ve grown too far from view
Loss of father
Jan 2018 · 794
A poem for my CJ
victoria Jan 2018
Even when the last star ceases to shine
And the moon is hidden in the dull of the night
I will still love you

Even when the moon demands the ocean waves cease to roll
And Neptune cries into the darkness
I will still love you

Even when Mother Earth sends her anger up to the surface
And all in her path burns to the ground
I will still love you

Because my love for you is beyond harm
It is stronger than the ocean, tougher than the moon, too clever for nature’s anger and
unlike this broken world, my love is eternal
Jan 2018 · 749
A poor girl and a curse
victoria Jan 2018
A poor girl and a curse

From ponytails to cigarettes
From dolls to *******
From teddy bears to teenage ***
From sweetness to insane

At age sixteen
her body worn out
She couldn’t see the damage
The years of what she
thought was fun
A living hell so savage

“Too many men”
Bellowed the nurse
“Too many drugs”
A poor girl and a curse
Too much pain
Upon her soul
Forever young
Never to grow old
Jan 2018 · 219
Dolores
victoria Jan 2018
So it’s been just one day since the death of Dolores.
Bitter sweet memories
I didn’t post anything at the time
Because I couldn’t
I was broken
The cranberries where the reason I sang (badly) and the reason I took up the drums (also badly)
I never sang into my hairbrush more with any other band, than I did with them.
I’m not big on mourning celebrities, I think it’s a bit weird but she wasn’t a celebrity, she was my hero and my childhood, my teenage years and my forever dreams.
I’ll never forget those mixed up, ****** up teenage years...

Freedom
Love
Experimentation
Pushing boundaries
Losing myself, my body and my mind
Good night my sweet Dolores
I understand ❤️
Jan 2018 · 221
Time to heal
victoria Jan 2018
You tore out my pride
when you returned to her
When you left me
You ***** my sanity
You rendered my soul blind
When you crushed it to pulp
You left me void of vanity

You tortured me sick
with your pity lies
When blind hope
you sent to my soul
When you rid yourself of my sorrow
You disgraced the pretty heart you stole

I took your mean tortured ways
and applied them to my own
My skin fell cell by cell
My soul without a home

Then the pieces found their way back to whole
A new mountain now to soar
A new life began within that struggle
No more heartache I would endure
Jan 2018 · 778
Mocha skin man
victoria Jan 2018
Mocha skin man

Move over
come closer
my mocha skin man
Kiss my lips
Kiss them harder
My mocha skin man
Touch my face
Touch it sweeter
My mocha skin man
Stroke my thigh
Stroke it higher
My mocha skin man
Hold me close
Holder me dearer
My mocha skin man
Love me deeply
Love me stronger
My mocha skin man

I can’t wait any longer
My mocha skin man
But I will wait
forever
My mocha skin man
I’ve met someone, he’s beautiful he’s Indian and his skin melts my heart ***
Jan 2018 · 588
Father
victoria Jan 2018
I call upon the wind to steel you within its breeze
I call upon the angels to help you feel at ease

I call upon God to let you be released
I call upon your soul to let you rest in peace
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