I.

I’ve swallowed too many I love you’s
to be afraid of coughing up blood.
They cut you on secret.
Who knew it was drinking gasoline
and sawdust and every little inflammable thing
and then sitting down cross-legged
in the heart of a howitzer; soft.

II.

You are a soft explosion.
You are streaks of a rebel orange
in a sky that is supposed to be blue.
You are steel rods in the curve of my spine,
holding me straight.

III.

I love you’s are like death notes written in ash:
you’ll have to smoke your way to it.
Smoke cigarettes, journals, curtains,
and yourself to get that much ash in your lungs;
trying to blow smoke rings into your finger;
my ceiling knows more about my sadness than you do.

IV.

Saying an I love you once will have you
chanting “don’t leave me” on a rosary;
love will take your bones and leave you
lusting for somebody whose back
is the last thing you’ll see, and whose
skin you’ll think you left your keys in:
and now you’ve locked yourself out
of your own house, in a storm
whose sirens wail in your ears and remind
you, you’re hopeless and homeless.

V.

I love you’s leave no exit wounds,
no shell casings, and when the time comes
you’ll be telling them all how his bullet
ricochets in your ribs,
but emotion never made up for evidence
in the court of settlements for a broken heart.

VI.

Telling someone you love them is like cutting your jugular
and not expecting to bleed out.

VII.

I love you like the pages of a mad girl’s journal.

VIII.

The moon turns from an ally
to the haunting image of science and realisation:
you share the same sky, but no longer the same bed.
And astronomy keeps ******* you over
when you look up at the sky
and no longer understand constellations.

IX.

Love makes it more getting-back-at-you
than getting-back-together-with-you.

X.

Every time you taste blood,
you’ll know you kissed somebody
with teeth like needles
and they cut you everywhere; they
bit you, they bit you, they bit you
and you kept letting them.

She has a real talent
for pushing her feelings aside,

She is truly skilled
in hiding her pain,
putting on a smile,
letting her raw emotions subside.

She mastered this technique
when she was a just a little child -
so innocent, so naive, so small,

Her happiness always depended
on seeing others smile -
hence, she laid down bricks
and built a tall,
unbreakable,
load bearing wall.

Regardless of its rapid rising,
this wall still stands tall
till this very blessed day,

Each brick a touchy
raw emotion -
each one a traumatic problem
that was unresolved...
she only ever, just barely,
forced them to fade away.

She hides all of the darkness
within the mortar
that bonds these bricks,

She keeps it all buried
within this wall,  
which is so very high -
this is one of her famous tricks!

She Prays that this wall
will withstand more weight -
hold steady and stay strong,

If it ever were to collapse
and come tumbling down,
then God help anyone
who leaned upon it!
God help anyone
who did her wrong!

God help anyone
who contributed to it reaching
so far up into the sky!

And God help her...
There are more than enough bricks
in this wall to build
a city greater than any other on earth
~ just the thought of that
makes her want to cry!

By Lady R.F ©2016