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  Dec 11 Mariya
Emma
boundless trust erupts,
naïve like a child’s bright gaze—
chaos whispers loud.

choices carved in haste,
fragile bridges left to burn—
echoes haunt the heart.
Although mania brings with it joy energy and hope it also comes with haste bad decisions. I tend to be too naive and unpredictable.
I'm coming back, even though light
finds this different horizon.
I am here, although life
sold me at a bargain price.

I see no signes of tears,
I do not know where their shadows
have gone.

I sway on this black wave
of existence, I seek solace
in the scent of hope.

I do not want to look for flaws
of future. There's a wind
blowing inside me
that can't be satisfied with
one maudlin sigh, one lost look.

In love with your past, I am trying
to wake you up from
this long sleep.
I flee from my own loneliness.
I dedicate this farewell to you,
so that you may understand
how much silence is needed to
soothe the sky,
to placate the earth.

The sentence here is unfortunate -
reflections of love
no longer bring remorse.
I slam the door to heaven again.
I open the window to hell.
Let's talk about the silence
that tries to overcome the pain.
Let's try to tame freedom
so that peace
can take its place.

Let's not close
the last window behind us - a body
that is slowly dying
is a great excuse to give up.

I carefully count
your freshest tears - I know they exist
only to quench your longing.
Entrusted to the wrong sky,
I rock in the embrace
of the earth, close to fulfillment.

I don't want to replace
paradise for you - I will return
before the final blow falls
asleep in me.

The fist of your heart leaves
saturated shapes,
thoughts without their own words.
I leave time far behind.
I am leaving an eternity
for which there is no point
in starting another day.

Please, defeat the silence in me
that does not allow me to love.
Free me from faith;
for it I can give my life
into good hands.

Covered with black breath,
I beg for a sip
of the past,
for one poor sip of comfort.
  Nov 29 Mariya
Peter Garrett
I'm afraid of failure
Of becoming a burden
But above all, I'm afraid
Of hurting the ones I love
And ending up alone...

Yet I'm here, I've shown
In the face of my demons
And screamed at them
That they'll never take
The very best of me

So I may not be fearless
I'm quite fine with that
For I'm brave
I never regarded myself as the courageous type... until the day I realized that being brave doesn't mean being fearless. Being brave means facing your fears in order to do what you must.
  Nov 29 Mariya
Peter Garrett
Today I've just laid
In my bed the entire day
Feeling absolutely numb
And that's what scares
Me the most...

I don't wanna go down
That road again
Every word feels off... everything feels off. But I kinda needed to write it anyway.
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