what was once a galaxy
has become a minefield
of massive black holes,
and all our rocket ships
have crash landed
without taking us home.

lost dreams of flying,
mechanical wings,
intergalactic suffocation,
stars in glass jars
as souvenirs
just in case we got close
to the moon.

we took off as one,
our faulty parts disintegrating
upon reaching the exosphere.
turbulence, then nothingness,
a lack of closure,
and gravity
working in reverse.

But our eyes can't unmeet,
and you can't unwound my heart,
the strings you tugged at.
I'm not the kind of person you keep 
when you let everything just
fall apart.

You were always the first one
to bolt out the door
when the curtains caught fire,
when the faucet spewed dirt
instead of water.

What little light I thought you saw
in my fluorescent eyes,
couldn't get past your opacity
and you just watched them
burn out.

It was always going to end
exactly like
this.

i can’t do anything correctly.
“stop cutting”
“promise me that you won’t cut”
i hear you, father, every time
that knife glides across my skin.
every time that knife digs in.
every time that knife pours out my feelings.
couldn’t i just disappear?
you wouldn’t be so stressed.
less money spent.
more fun.
no girls in the house.
guys night out.

it’s for you.

all my life
i've been preparing faces
to meet the faces that
i've met

friends
family
the man who delivers newspapers
at our doorstep each morning

i've laughed at their silly jokes
as they tossed their heads from side to side
in naive stupidity and their sheer ignorance
a pompous lot, the human race i tell you

i've acknowledged their staunch morals
and tried to make them my own
as they scorned at the girl in a skimpy dress
and chewed on mutton bones gluttonously

all my life, i've been trying hard
to blend in
with people who've shown me
that i don't belong with them

and tonight when i shed gallons of tears
i have only my bed and pillow to share
i've learnt that my sadness
is my very own

Чувствую меня бросает на берег,
И я уже тебе не верю.
Плавали в спокойных водах,
А сейчас на суше тонем.
Задыхаясь от сомнений,
И едва себя любя,
Я решаю, что на воле мне жить лучше без тебя.

Don't
           forgive and forget.
           Remember   and
                    recover.
               ( Healthy Self )
                 Heal thy self
                    I'm not
                telling you
                  it's going
                  to be easy,  

             I'm telling you
                 it's going
                     to be
                  worth it.
Put your broken pieces back together differently and learn to love the sound of your feet walking away from things not meant for you.

              Make broken
                       look
                  beautiful
                       and
                     strong
                       look
                  invincible.

                 Walk with
                the universe
                  on your
               shoulders &
           make it look like a
                      pair
                  of wings.                                                  Jon York   2019