How intresting that the word insanity
Is made of, in and sanity
Yet to be it you but be out of sanity

Everyone sees me
But no one knows me
My friends know what i tell
But never care to see what i dont

I go through life smiling
Faking every emotion
Pretending im normal
But when the world falls still
And i have no laughs to mimic

I remeber whats real
What my life is
And no matter how hard i try
I cant fake a smile for myself

My reflection stares at me
That same blank expression it always has
I want to slam my fist into it
Make it go away
Wanting it to do what i cant

I fake me for them
Why cant it fake for me
Show me what i want to be
Not what i am

We were young
The town was old and small
The sleepy roads wouldn't let us go fast enough to be free
We couldn't get out so I got you and you latched onto me

I still remember those nights
Dancing under the stars to Springsteen on repeat
Singing to loud and off key

I still remember the way you'd light your cigarette
Twirling it as you rambled
Its smoke cutting spirals into the night air
The smell it left on you mixing with your perfume
It was more intoxicating than the cheap wine

Those were the best nights of my life
Then we grew up
I don't remember if it was me or the world that got cold
But I'm freezing without your warmth

God I miss he days I felt free
God I miss the days the wind seemed tame compared to me

I found my self yet again
On the bathroom floor
Curled up hugging my knees
It seemed I'm the only one who would hold me tight
Laying there in a pool of my own sorrow
I looked up
Through the haze of self pity and anguish
And in the darkness that is my world appeared a shaft of light
I thought to my self
"why am I crying"
It occurred to me I didn't know anymore
I had been sad for so long it became my routine
It was all I knew how to do
I had always been empty
Then you made me feel
I was full
Then the world shattered
My heart followed suite
I was still full just with tears
Now it would seem I've cried them all
But I'm not empty
Instead filled
With a darkness
I've let go of the tears
And embraced
The darkness
Its tendrils touch the world with an icy chill
But for me it feels almost warm
I suppose this does make me empty
But it is a strange, deep, and satisfying emptiness

For some it is the heart
It aches at night
It cries for the one who made it beat
The one who made the life it gives worth enduring
It aches, it hurts and sometimes it shrinks
But it is filled with every beat you wish wouldn't come

For some it is the lungs
They quiver with tears
Shed on the bathroom floor
They quake with the body
Shuddering without their arms to hold it still
But they can be filled with a cry of despair, a gasp of anguish

For me it is my arms
They wrap around me but still feel empty
They stretch out at night feeling for the ghost of a  memory
They cannot be filled with a pillow
And a stranger doesn't fit right
They can only be filled by you
The one who makes my heart beat
The one who made me lose my breath
But your not here
So now my arms will forever feel empty

The bass thumps
The crowd jumps
Lights flash
I move with them in perfect sync
Filled with a toxic mix
Liquid courage
Smoke of joy
Pills that numb the mind
Finally i feel happy
I jump and dance into eternity
I dance with her and her
Kiss her
Make out with another
Take a diffrent one  home
But when we're done
And i lay there holding her
All that plays in my mind
Is the memory of holding you
When the music stops
And the high wears off
You creep back into my mind
From the hole i forced your  memory into
Your memory scraping at my mind
Till i loose it
Theres nothing left to do but repeat
Night after night
Girl after girl
Nothing i drown you with
Seems to **** your memory