Your memory should be a whisper
Yet it screams in my head
No decibel of music is high enough

I never truly knew fear till you said good bye
I thought our last words would be I love you
I was wrong

I was always detached
Then I met you and I found the ground
Then with my heart you tore out my roots

I said it then I mean it still
I love you and I always will
Not a day has past I haven’t loved you, or hated myself

You’ve hurt me time and time again
But I can’t hold a grudge
It’s your flaws I love

I’m not innocent I hurt you too
I’m flawed but I tried
I wish you had to

I miss those long nights where sleep felt like a curse
The long embraces and slow kisses of good bye
Missing you before I hit the end of the drive

I carried that note for a year
Who knew a piece of paper could weigh so much
How many times did I read it to hear your voice
What a beautiful hell

I gave it back thinking it would help
But sober, drunk, or holding a stranger I still wish I was with you
“this will fade in time”  but they never say how long

I die when you look at someone the way you looked at me
I was broken before you, then you put me back together
I don’t know how but you made me feel alive for the first time

It actually hurts to be broken now not like before this, this is new
You were always there when I was about to break
Now only my bathroom floor catches my tears

My thoughts eat away at my soul but you’re happy so I fake a smile
I know why you can’t look at me
I get it I don’t blame you id hate me too
I do hate me