smoke rings
and bells do as well
and the lamb man's
got all the fleece
we are all gold in an egg-shaped sort of way
way on down the street

the good girl needs a bell
nevermind the ring
i ring my bells for that good girl's favor
ring your bell for the good girl's favor
the lamb man keeps his peace

Underhill
understanding
bells
toll now instead of ring
underhand and under thumb
under-way the lambs run
up and down the street

the wind blows through the leaves
leaving traces of where it's been
it's been down collecting lambs again
dew-run
up and down
the street

wash your wool
for the lamb man's leaving
wash your hands
he's gone
wash your hair
for the lillies blooming
blooming all along
all along
the street

if love were fish and the bones of them
love's memory would swim through multi-colored cascading  
cathedral fountains
floating by
suspended
with lighted bell shaped alure
and small lips good for kissing

love's memory would swim through
tiny myopic refractions
of shattered life
broken by shafts of
twinkling light that has
no set source

long conversation with my brothers
in the midst of my late-middle years
i still discover them
we
us and
each other
and my original motive
for loving

leaves me smiling
to myself
full of that
which neither needs nor harbours
any motive

i am in love with sadness
i am in love with your sadness
i recognize and know it
it is not dissimilar to my
own sorrow

i
while quietly sobbing
perform drunken newly learned alchemical rituals
in a desperate attempt to
set aright
madlove gone off the rails
with half-spells and muttered incantations

knowing the aura of
impending heartache
i stifle a sob into a
long one note high pitched
quiet wail
i am doomed

ill equipped to cast
my lot
ill advised to continue
i closed my leaking eyes
and held my arms up
in supplication
to a god i have always
believed in
but do not believe would hear
my believed mewlings

i remember the hour of my undoing
i remember the sadness
i feel today
from then
a touchstone to your sadness
the only stone I have

i would tie it to my
neck
and jump into deep water
were i to think it would
hold me to the bottom

though no hero am i
nor courage do i know
in your sadness i found
a simple purpose
a certain failure
sadness my own

i remember your shy smile
and your hands

Reluctant waver
Lucky you
Thank your stars
Mirrors do what they do

Tour bailer
This is for you
Stole my ride
And my drink to boot

Calvary captain
Mean what you say
Why'd you Leave the recruits
To fight their own way?

It ain't a big deal
We made our way through
Not all of us though
So what do we do?

Hang up and run?
Ditch and demand?
Bail while we're in it?
Keep your head in
The sand.

nap in the dirt
blood on your hands
and under your nails
nailed to the end

nailed to the floor
bleeding
you knew
acting as if
what you said was the truth

forget it while smiling
my name
it is a place
but hold on to it for just this sort of case:
you remember the rain
In a house quite abandoned
A lifetime of pain is a hard rock to stand on
The broken out windows
and dwindling flame

sputters alight
with new resolve
bust in my new boots
earlier today on you
aim then fire
and revolve
Get on through

just getting around
from going downtown
which is like saying
something under my breath
about sticks

i cook every night
and check in with the ladies (all houseplants and wallflowers)
touch is spaghetti
and hugs and pockets full of guitar
picks

raspy whisper a slim chance
singing
beat it or carry the tune
do the dishes that are in the sink
all of this
now I'm sick

take the keys
take the reigns
get some ****
take the blame
do whatever it is you think
of next
for your next trick

tricky is as tricky does
but it only works this once
once around is good enough
good enough
to kick
around
But tough

around here
i sleep when i can't stay awake
i eat when i am hungry
I love because
I was made in the image of

when all of my sacred seemed heresy
nightime came out in his boots

hyenas and jackals
and wolves and curs
laughing and yapping and howling
their din
the sole noise in that darkness
save the blood singing inside of my ears

those canine predators lope easy, in endless pursuit of my courage
which has flagged after waning these years

i fight the urge to lay down
shake my head
turn around
and walk on bones
worm eaten by years

into the caress of this moonless oblivion
knowing that i am more hungry for bravery

after a turn without stumbling
though i cannot see
i return to this place
turning back
a thin man in a dream

smoke rising as i lay down
a signal sent to no one

note to self:
The mighty says that she doesn't name a poem before it's written or maybe not at all

so I try not to
I try to write her with no name

words speak and write themselves
faster than the slowness
of my naming

good god, i falter
fly south for the summer
ring my neck
shake a wing
flying further north
because it's winter

so i try not to
because she speaks
fluid now and real
and in her ocean there is
no name
worthy of not forgetting

a gift to me for sure
a wordless azimuth
to describe
a pearl and its own life's making
and I am impressed

pretenseless
some remainder pure
and laughing still at broken
who shakes me awake when I wrong down the words

and try to name them

yet in the night's dark farmer's market where
flickers are rare and cost
what's real

I lay down the word that speaks to saying
and guides what's said and still saying home

and she is special
special now

when now is long and slower
and meanings mean themselves
where moments are rooms with echoes and time stands quiet; nearly still

when memory is no longer
so
and I not so full; myself
I'll forget the grass is green then
maybe I'll lighten up

remembering the road i wrote
the author of one dream
where words were meant to say themselves

a fairly special thing

bats and birds

it's work simply being
it's something sad as well
no one but myself to blame
The fates are not this cruel

when times get rough
i become more hungry
But now it's time to go underground
when i truly would be casting blessings
bring some when i come back around

blithely turning toward a closer ground she measured her body in the mirror's reflection for the inside capacity (adequate at any), of the ornate casket she had ordered to have intricately carved and lavishly inlaid.
she was in a fantastic space for a good-natured case of the ****-its. 
Dani was dying.
she was small in stature and large in awkward.
jotting the numbers down,
her eyes - just a bit of dust 
smiling through and reaching for 
the coin she tossed 
-her way out the door.
     god how she mystifies me.
in awe, slack-jawed and my face hurts from laughing with her.
it's like a hundred million tiny yellow butterflies were released at penelope's wedding to a sky of falling ashes from a small grass fire next county over. 
     that's what i feel like when she laughs. i am going to miss her when she goes-
i can't really wrap myself around a comprehensive strategy for creating a space within myself that will be without her. 
i have lost interest in trifling 
i spend my time at a job that's just a good reason to walk that far. 
     i come home with fresh fish and flowers and a couple of album finds from "the pig and the gator" record store.  
guy clarke, Willie's 
"redheaded stranger", and an early Romones e.p.
     Dani loved, i mean loves records. so do i. ****. loved. that sort of tears me up that i wrote that. 
     anyhow, we crack beers and eat fish and listen and talk and laugh and spend the rest of most nights trying to find my disappeared dog Luke Sidewalker. i miss him so incredibly deeply that my gut hurts so as to nearly stop me from breathing.
     i feel that i am so many people when i am with her.
     that's the mystic. she sort of leads me to where i am most comfortable in her presence. she showed me where.
that you could be in pieces and not get nervous about it. 
     i can't imagine tomorrow. and i can no longer remember yesterday,
but as the ******* ghost of this day;
i hold no real promise. 
this is it. 
     here she is; opening the door as she thumb flips her coin with something near to indifference. bloww.
she puts a smile on me like she's swinging a haymaker. 
"tails", she whispers. she is looking at me as if there is something worth looking at. 
she hands her coin to me.
tails. 
butterflies and ashes.

i am Spring
i am the second son of autumn
a representative of pollen and dawn
I am old friends with the longest day of summer
I have known the icy night of winter
since before he grew
into his dark and starstrewn coat
I am spring
I speak the language of bees and everything blooming
all things that are living will quiver
with desire and promise
today i am keeping that promise
sap from the root to the tree  
sap from the tree to the leaves  
invitation from the leaves to the sun
to the sun

once i get everything rolling
the earth gets a little more juicy

sleepy, feverish
smiling nonetheless
she lay me down
with almost loving concern
i offer money
feigned anger with humor in a look
leaving again to get groceries
possibly turn a trick
this florence nightingale Christmas ******
stays and nurses me for a week
i remember meeting her
in a bar in Seoul
we liked the same jazz
not a word of each other's slipped away unoticed
nor understood
she was authentic and made of beauty
light played around her
we never tried to-ruin it
she was leaving i could sense it
i put a thousand in her purse while she fixed her tear stained eyes
i couldn't fix mine

sunlight spills from
her eyes
her words
drip honey
her lips are
fire
i wish she would burn
me down
with all of her kisses

heart is heavy
a trainload of lead
better get an adjustment
listen a little
get out of my head.

my love is in lock-up
gotta spring her today
do what i must do
do what it takes

walk through what is before me
with great gratitude
lessen the gravity
these are my shoes

If you are really in love
You have become incredibly important
as you have never been

I won't enter the contest
But i may crawl or slither
across the floor
Sometime this winter

only because i want to save you with dancing

waiting on nothing
yet the waiting's worthwhile
working at forgetting
last year's
wasted time
a bloodletting

stripped of  your innocent wrapper
a snake that has molted
its skin
you somehow seem to have convinced me
of what a worthless waste it is
attempting to wring something sweeter out of this senseless death-trap

the shadow of your cowardice
and lack of sincerity rides the memory of our loving
like the moon rides the earth
******* the sun's light for itself
at once cheap and
parasitic

i hate myself for believing you

harvest your own lack of loyalty
and
betrayal trappings
you will glean
all that you brought me--trouble is caustic
an unbridled acid tongue bleeding

that trouble shall hunt you
all of your days that remain
the sign you leave
being easy to track
as the world's last beast

stuff spread all over
moving from one abandoned
house
to another
****
phone broke
homeless joke
it ain't so funny
stuck
can't get out of here
trust no one
ever-fear
night wary light little
some kind of maze
**** riddle
i don't have the answer to
got to get
before it gets you
i got to go real soon
new hat same shoes
this is dust
it'll **** you
wake up
on the morning news
hide your things
or take them with
else you ain't gonna have ****
broken will
broken dog.
sleeping in this hollow log
now to drink mud
sick two days and still gotta move
another place i can't stay long
don't look now
here comes the law
give me ****
wish me luck
thinking I'm a *** *******
******
got what i had coming
can i put up an argument
would it be worth the time or breath
hell hill
third world frills
cops chasing the elusive
kids
kick grandma's door in shoot to ****
shoulda left the gun
grabbed the till
19 now a ****** rap what the hell am i to
do with that
all these things i see
leave me choked
without speech
stressing on the basics now
all day long
bow me down

him is at the end of the sentence
him knows at the end of this day
whatever the verdict
now it
never mattered
him's debt is undoubtedly paid

her left out the parts with her name on them
him knew what was his just the same
none of that mattered
not where it landed
at least that's what she said she said she said

Curious with night things,
Manuel and his dog dug up the returned.
Their eased mind's local was already watered. 
Gladys and the mighty
came awake for the recognitions.
The returned gave praises to Manuel and his curiosity.
They ate breakfast for dinner together. 
Soul as food.
Break your bread.
Break your back.
Set your table. 
Lickety split was.
Manuel and his dog are.
Gladys and the mighty is:
allow always...loci.

horse flagging hard in these hard boundry lands
holding trace leather; with these gnarled bad hands
spirit nearly broken from this seemingly endless long ride

seeking shade from the sun
but the shade from my saddle can't hide:

the hole in my ribcage
or the lines in my face
no tell (**** I'm weary), sit saddle, betraying no trace
of the years i have gathered
or the miles-

i have ridden alone
gone hungry
been cold
this ain't the first time
i've ridden...
but this time I'll die,

as well will my brothers
don't it hurt to discover
that it always all comes to an end?
and there ain't no one  reason
to lie to myself,
to lie to myself
or pretend

no, there isn't one reason
to lie by myself
or pretend
that there ain't no more reasons

Billowing in yearn
Mastermind
Mountain cur
I couldn't get out
Today

Try as i might
Canines and alphabets
It's surely time
For a bath
And an easy way out
My my

Forget me if you want
But if it's alright
Let me tell you up front
I remember what
brings you light
Light

Chimeric and illusory
My vision a child
Eyes full of wonder
Hope is like light
In the dark of possibility

Begging from fates
Befriended by muses
Lips gone cold early
Strangers sleep in my bed

Seeing behind
Is a trick and no magic
Belief is a construct
Alone in our minds

Demons rage and rotate
From pole to pole to pole
Further destroying the field
Laying me bare to the sun

Where all of my doubts
Become memory's bad dreams
And morning reveals that I'm usually still
Quiet
Alone

going as i see fit
working the inside
wonder as purpose
nearer my self to thee
dreamfuel merepond

relaxed as i near
my path becomes me
color and sound
and bright tastings

follow my fingertips
as they trace
their own ways
through spirit
wandering smile
stardrift and space

eyes wide twinkling
with admired images
of those things loved and loving
their own recreation
in my singular
and most individual mindlight

I want to scream
I can't get away
Plenty of pleasure
here's
The take take away

I want to do
The things that I have to say

Rolling around alone
Didn't get much done

Today

Bringing it home

It used to be a
Friend of mine

Believe in me
Because I
Asked

Friend to me

sweating and breathing hard
from a walk up the hill
running down leaks in the line
the pressure is up
where it's supposed to be
i better get water this time

three days without
with the heat
as it is
news travels slow on this side
but i know what i need
to finish the job
and squeeze out without notice
in the dark on the quiet
high tide

get yer *** up
make a decision

i guess
*** is retribution
hey, new waitress queen
now you are famous
with your cab driver

lack of integrity is:
not a solution to
problem inner child running
from the shoes
You use
to run in

mad and tiny toed
she came to share my asylum sleeping place
a wonder in the moonlight's dust-ride
a wrangler of the dreaming

winterworn and coatless,
i slept soundless,
wept tearless,
woke restless;
for the hinges of time's doorways creaked non-stop with our leaving

Want a drink
a couple of smokes
a girl
I quit all three
Two by choosing to
I think
I will do myself a favor
Give girls another whirl

Like a tiger by the tail
Like a ride
Over the moon
Like nothing ever matters
Mmmm
Yeah, that's her

Make me crazy with her need
For loving
Make smile every time
Make my whole day better
All way
We're all the way

I lied

Making the best of a rotten situation
When the going gets hot
Don't go away I'm on fire
Self immolation drills
Paying off in spades and thrills
I Like walking with you
Seems you're a real bad mime

Fill the earth
Full of filth
Fill bags and boxes
Full of death
New world burning
light up the sky
Push it on back
Demolish
Destroy

When's it end?
Never so far
Forever free or imprisoned in
Black space and stars
Returning forever
Remember the wheel
And this house full of monkeys

Where
The forgetting
Is a lie
And escape is laughable
Stuck here and out of gas
Like a dead-letter postcard to ourselves
Dated and sent from some parlour-trick fantasy future
Where the switch-up is almost like dying

Do your best to remember
This day
When the new morning calls
It's the one thing we can do for Ourselves
One another
For us all

I'd sure like to get in there

I'd never need out

Never need out again


Blood on my hands

Except the floor 

The couch

The bed


Blood on my hands

This ain't the first

Time I've been 

Let down


It's your blood

Running

Out of me


Forget, forget

Running out of me


Blood on your hands

Way down

The way

It used to be


Blood on your hands

Simplify

Harder to recognize

Simply


Because we've blood on

Our hands


Scared to recognize

Butterflies

Inside the 

Way it used to be


Moving my hands

Hard to fly


****** my hands

Simple

Sacrifice


Blood where my hands were once

Simple

awake in my skin
all night again
sleep is paralysis
memory is a throw-away
in a self hate crime
never return
just quit and die

money shots for skin
drawing lots again
keep me in the loop
forgetting is a keepsake
in a stranger's house being robbed
go to sleep
return
never quit and die

false god
false prophets
idols from the street
ears full of lies
betrayal and deceit
history is yesterday's weather forecast
knowing we make the weather, man
off of your knees
learn
quit your mind and die

rights aren't real
without slaves
death is the only guest
worth waiting for
forward now reclining
wiggle in the sunlight's heat
she slips out of her molt
wearing the mask of her quarry
and her second skin

now is not the time for tears
bind whatever is broken
prop yourself up
your confidence seems to be flagging
a death sentence for straw dogs and hollowmen
such as we

Wanted to be wanted
Wanted as i wanted to be wanted by you
Who could ever match my need?
Who?

Angry
In need of conversation
Angry
In need of understanding
Suspicious
In need of the truth

Who could match
My need for that?
Who?
Definitely not me
Definitely not

Angry for running
You away
Then killing you
With need
I'm jealous of my friends
That don't care
Sleep around
just sleep

That is not me anymore
This time down

Blue as basalt
As i lay on the ground
River running over me
Volcanic earth frozen

I hope i drown
soon

wrapped around you like a blanket of ermine
reeling from a beckoning before time began
steam gathers and is swirled away giving shape to the subtle breath
of two lovers
one sleeping

Panic sets in but i ignore it again
It's just your name caught in my
Throat
I'll Heimlich myself
If i don't start breathing pretty quick
Or maybe I'll just throw up

Slide under your locked door
A 3×3 inch card
A small scissors
And an engagement ring

If you can figure a way to get the card around your head
The card says
You don't have to marry me
Keep the ring

But if you can't
Which you can
You'll have to be my bride
For this short time
That it takes
Me to suffocate

i made a small fire with all
of the paper messages
that you ever left for me:
tiny flame flickering-smells like lipstick and cigarettes and hollow words.

everything you wrote to me makes up my list in its entirety:
the most recent things
that I am going to forget.