now that you're dead (near)
i sometimes look you up on the interweb
it's a ***** little pleasure
i feel like I'm willfully hurting something
my own masochistic munchausen
suicide by installment
i may run the bath all night
grimy
getting to know the ghosts of you

deliberate and willfull
this undoing
become intricately, surgically still
this calm indicative of nothing
but nothing is what calms going-on

the machines continue their humming- harmonics
shiny in their timid dark dew
friction free
nearly silent
so soft
these mechanics
sing with a voice so exquisite
that lulls me and draws me further
further away
further away
further down

away from noise i won't filter
away down in the dark where i like
to hidden rooms kept there
in the nighttime
away where the dust doesn't dare
nor does vision
elope there
with his new bride; sadness
nor joy come along with the lame
there, just a small installation my comfort
where even the wind speaks in whispers
careful to not rouse the rain

And sympathy
I don't hate
Or have a habit
That goes through
That

Anyone's anything
Anyway

2
4 c
If u
Even ever
Get
Around

To me
If'n u can ever
Get around

You can come over
Get all overwhelmed
Get all over me

Weirder and weirder
that's my friend Kiera
I don't know but I like the way she do.
Me.
Like a second wind
like a third chance
she don't sing good
unless you can dance
she come to me.
I.
Prodigy woodwind.

Insipid ingurgitating
it never hurt
I needed that it was never pain worthy memories

mine are
Cheap
like a gew-gaw,
Shiny and strong like a dark horse
lathered in the sun
Shallow as a caliche grave

you are fearless when it's nighttime
dragging the corpse of my voice
by the knot in that bag of bones
You've been throwing around
like dice
That never play fairly

Always with a sharp tongue
a new plan and borrowed bad words
You'll find all that back for you awaiting the threshing
While here you reap

I have that
The narrows have been sounded
The depth plumbed
and only by the skin of my teeth
Did I slip from that
shallow grounding.

No!
Coddle me,
Laissez-faire
Installment plan living,
while leaking vitality
my unused limbs
become no longer
tools
of expression
but of badly pretended
emotion


Madame caterpillar,
Your butterfly brilliance
is now
patina still life,
Sepia celluloid memory clips
from some
Dark cutting room floor
of your own imaginings.

wicked worded one,
Leave my voice untouched
by the wind from your acid lungs
Return to your wilderness
Refuge is yours only there.

**** in the snow
spit in the wind
both froze in the air
hit the road again

never get cold
warm is a drug
it lulls my brain
my eyes don't bug
gas in the can
hit the road again

gone are those days
my dog and i fly
gone are those days
now it's just i

move on ahead
gas in the can
thumb on my hand
hit the road again

you smell like burnt toast and *****.
i just woke up in the church from your dream.
****, what a shame, not much left of me.

i remember you texting me from another's bed while he was sleeping.
She's funny, I thought.
I don't want to be him
if I were me.

sleeping next to lies;
not my thing, you see?

it's a long dark night,
but lack of loyalty
is longer.
it reeks of *****...
burnt toast...
boundless insecurity

master of your own inequities
den within den within den of
furthest need

be gone

does it even it out?
we'll see.
I'll say a prayer for you
she said.
who still prays?
i do.

where will it end?
right here he said.
she was getting in her car
and said
I'll pray for you

right on time he thought.

i bit my lip through to my gums
chewed my cheek ******
and drank myself numb
just trying to soothe
the sting of our guns
and keep myself from reloading

of all of the things that we've both been saying
some of mean intent 
some with no meaning

this:

no navigatable course known yet
no sounding of fathoms below it
if we stay on this sea we will
die

talking out loud in conversation about...
nothing, with no one i can hail though I shout
ghosts of yesterday
and easy shade,
please stay away, please stay
fuel my prayer masquerade
in what must be unfortunately fantastic

you, dragging my love around
until my wheels grind me
to my bones, then further down
a psyhic love amputee
laughing
i favor funny now
when coming down
to it
naturally

I quit

miniature wings beating
heat waves the quiet still air
glances taken without notice
smiling at the color of your hair
a moment, a wish, worth repeating
looking down, coming up the stairs
floating, windbourne water lotus
orchid honey, other things rare

wish work
doors dark
alive on some
edgewater planet

a lost culture
with sacred ritual
night surgery theatre of the blind
Not what i had planned
not that i mind

chewing my way 'round some crow and pigeon pie
tasting all of the words again
Not the whole truth
One part lie

now swift
now fleet
what it takes
maybe miss
don't ever quit

spirit move through
the weight
of my soul
without its rooms
without this tiny vehicle

mudpie memoir
die unless you get there
through the night

strange travelers bending it
like water
like love
like light

with a little luck
For heaven's sake
push will come to...

Godwater
my love
It isn't fake
where's the light?
I'm bending it
just as they taught her

Shove

my energy is at an all time low
my outlook is a lot to see
horizon to horizon there is so much
no i
no us
no you
no matter what

i can feel the weather
smells of smoke and hay dust
I'll take the space and all of the time
ever that it will take

stretch thin because i like stretching
out my neck awhile
headed out is heading in
shake and shrug and sweat a bit
blink my eyes and bite my lip

wondering what happened
to a few good days
and why upon them i set
so much import

i wave from the runway
to no one in particular
my other hand shading my eye
from the sun

i hope that one day
i fall in love, again but know better.
with someone that is in love with me
I'll bring them flowers
and little tiny things
in tiny boxes

put them in the fire if you have them

I put you out of my
misery

out of
my misery

I'd always let you wear
my jacket
when it was blustery
I'd always keep you right
when the bus was coming from
the left of me
I'd always open your door
and light your cigarettes

how could YOU forget?
how could you forget?

i always answered the first ring
******* every other thing
you might have done
one more thing wrong
but i don't remember

what it was
that did me in
but my in
was wearing thin
if you get my meaning

now

my meaning
now

both of us
have something
that makes us alright
i didn't give a rat's ***
when i lay down at night
As long as you were next to me

You weren't

I had no recourse but to hang it up and travel on without you
It would have been easier for you to tell the truth were it torturous

I'll practice forgetting you every day
while you practice on the pizza guy or your cabby, breaking the bonds of love between strangers you know only one of, for fun.

I step away as I push you into the next lane just as the bus arrives
there, that takes care of that.
for fun.

now
I
no one beside me
I
no more us
no more we
you asked if my ******' up
was a pattern.
no. Yes.
of course
WE didn't have what it takes
you have a pattern
everyone one that I met that knows you
tried to warn me
i was wrong not to have believed them
i would again believe you
if I did not now know
the brutal nature of your fear
yet still i am ashamed of myself
for not listening to my own voice
when telling me all of your ***** secrets

Making the best of a rotten situation
When the going gets hot
Don't go away I'm on fire
Self immolation drills
Paying off in spades and thrills

I Like walking with you slowly
Seems you're real bad company, mime,
I have a story...

Fill the earth
Full of filth
Fill bags and boxes
Full of death
New world burning
light up the sky
Push it on back
Demolish
Destroy

When does it end?
Never so far
Forever free or imprisoned in
Black space and stars
Returning forever
Remember the wheel?
And this house full of monkeys?

Where
The forgetting
Is a lie
And escape is laughable
Stuck here and out of gas
Like a dead-letter postcard to ourselves
Dated and sent from some parlour-trick fantasy future
Where the switch-up is almost, nearly like dying

Do your best to remember
This day
for the endless eons that follow
When the new morning calls
It's the one thing we can do for Ourselves
One another
For us all

you said love  
i was already mystified

you never said,
it's done
and breaking,

i watched from outside,
our runaway undoing

I simply could not
wave

if indeed my thoughts and actions are tangibly mine to command,

now and next moments
that i create,

i will still love like an adolescent,

mixing whatever i have within me simply
with simple-easy to relate;

ask me again, how i know that i love you
i will do my utmost to simply tell the truth

Everyone here knows you
We all hope you're well
They all want to know you better
Understand it's understood
Put the past to rest
Because i only tell them
Good

About me i tell the truth
They see me and size me up and
Let me shine
Encourage me to
Epic things
Again
The place they made for me is mine

They hear what i say
And shake their heads
Wondering
Why would I hang on
I say it won't be long now
It's been a long day I say
But now it is gone

Hoping is a weak way
Of figuring out
how much to
Speak out of my mouth
Action is louder
You know what they say
About words anyway

Drastic means were
Necessary
To stop the bleeding
We were likely to die
Right where we were

Maybe we did

I'm not obsessing
or thinking much about things still
I'm in my humble neighborhood
That's a blessing beyond measure
If you will
Grateful feels good

i
Think we were great
You did a bad thing
It wasn't too late

Want a drink
a couple of smokes
a girl to love with

I quit all three

Two by choosing to
I think

I will do myself a favor
Give the girls another whirl

Like a tiger by the tail
Like a ride
Over the moon
Like nothing ever mattered
Mmmm
Yeah, that's her

Make me crazy with her need
For loving on
Make me smile every time
Make my whole day better
All the way
Make the day a song
I'm in her sway

We're all the way...
Wrong

Money matters and work
Leave me feeling anxious and awkwardly wondering
What is it that I love to do most?

Burnt out brain, broken body, not even 60 years here and wishing I wasn't this souls host

Quitting would be easier than finishing my list of ****-tasks that I can't afford to hire someone else to do.

Pointless progress. Selling my soul for dollars...pitiful

Rust is what I'm made of.
That should tell you something.

Rarely inspired,
exceptions being; love of rocks and music and the things that make my love of those things more accessible

I believe that the frequency at which things vibrate is indicative of their nature.
Especially when focused on over a period of time, no less than...next time

I'm quite nervous naturally.
I don't really fit in or feel connected, mostly, I guess

The sum of those parts being equal to or less than the fact that I really don't care what you think about me or the way that I operate. I adore freedom as a sovereign individual. Which means that I  would defend another's personal sovereignty as my own
As it should be.
As above so below.

And then there is the easy confidence that I am an innately decent person. I cherish loyalty and adoration of someone else. I can be impressed with etiquette, manners and control of ones composure.

I loath bullies and predation upon children and the innocent. I know what I would **** and die and live for.

I am not a stranger to oaths, covenants or agreement.
I am familiar with honor but cannot claim it.
Courage neither

I am familiar with failure and loss and grief and may lay claim.

I miss my kids. I missed being a father because I was full of self pity and my mouth was full of lies.
There are reasons but they are lies.
I simply failed as a father
I feel destitute when I think of it.

I like tiny things. Small boxes and trinkets and gew-gaws and what-nots.
I like grass and the smell of a pasture in the morning. I like blue sky. I like the feeling that I am on vacation forever. I like a road-trip.

I like dogs and horses and kids and my elders and loud live music.
I came here to serve my maker
I will not quit

Tomorrow then?

Wearing my black coat and hat
Black shirt, and
Black boots to match
Wearing out the inside of the black nature of my thought come lately
Don't you see where I'm at?

Hunger's got a nose for me

Top twenty money and some concrete trucks
Sitting at the stop  just waiting on the bus
It's raining on the roof which is leaking like a sieve

Seems you want all of my money when all I have is blood and time to give

Hunger's got a nose for me

I'm a resource ranger when the times get rough
Whatever I come home with better be enough,
Sometimes things don't look so bright

I've got a death's head pair of dice in my pocket
For when the times get rough
I've got a gun in my boot
And one on my back
Just in case I leave the yard at night
I like the night
The night is black

Hunger's got a nose for me

Sitting around with some friends of mine
They don't like me all that much
But that's alright
I didn't expect that much of them
Anyway

Hunger's got a nose for them and me
Hunger's got a nose for me.

Wearing my black coat and hat
Black shirt and boots to match
I'm wearing out the inside of the black nature of my thought come lately
Don't you see where I'm at?

Hunger's got a nose for you and me
Hunger's got a nose for me

Dastardly takes a turn for  the obvious

According to him he's the best and only
The street is whispering to everyone that qwestion is coming back again

He has only one home
It is always nearer

Today the pain is quite palpable
It wears no disguise
Bears no pretense
Speaks no lie

Qwestion is my best ever companion
Always better than I
No matter who drags who from the fire

There is qwestion
A rumor now
but becoming
Every day our house closer to real shelter
Closer to home