With all the options
there are to follow-
I choose the one
thats hardest to swallow.

The vast unknown,
and the grief for my life-
are the only things that keep me alive.

My empathy, my love,
I don't share with myself-
I'm empty inside,
its for everyone else.

Why am I here?
Why will I die?
Why do I fear the after this life?

I wish I felt the divine love
And was blissfully blessed
from the heavens above

I would like to believe,
would it make life better?
To fly ignorantly through
this shitstorm of weather?

An anthropomorphic tale of love & fear.
A false positive truth towards our existence here.

No signs from God
No devils to fear
Just my heart to my loved ones
Right now. Right here.

The doom that I carry is only for me,
it slouches my shoulders and cuts at my feet.

But I keep on walking, with my eyes on the ground.
Afraid to look up, for I will be let down.

I think about you all the time,
I dream about you all the time,
I miss you all the time,
I remember all the time,
You torture me all the time,
I regret you all the time,
I'm sorry all the time,
But don't forgive me- I'll change my mind.

I'm dramatic
I'm an addict
I'm anxious
I'm wasting
I've had it

I'm depressed
I'm a mess
I'm alone
In my head
Just confess

I'm a loss
Or just lost
No compuss
No plan
At my cost

I'm no light
I just fight
Then I cry
And I hate you
I'm not right

I'm in pain,
sear my vein
Befor I
bleed out.
It's the game.

I'm ok.
You're  blind.
Happy.
Depressed.
I'm just fine.

I'm not letting you in.
I'm not telling you why.
What you need from me-
I can not provide.

I'll tell you the story-
that you need to hear.
To save you from the real me-
that you'll grow to fear.

I'm not letting you in.
I'll tell you a lie.
You'll feel so heroic-
that you made it inside.

I try to warn you-
like thorns on a bush.
From the darkness inside-
deep down at the roots.

A poison that slowly flows through your veins-
changing the structure of your functioning brain.
I'm not letting you in.
But you've succeeded inside.

Despite all my efforts-
Your heart will cry.