I love you so much your name
streamed from my mouth, into my prayers

Like dams breaking my tears flowed free
The source a different kind of pressure

The kind that moves mountains and
pushes babies
The kind that tells prophecies

Not of fortunes and fame but of
a peace that only the insane
understand

You look familiar

Like my past and my future took up arms in battle
Swords locked into place
Eyes focused only on one thing
My love for you

Like a beacon you shine
Past my never were and would've beens
Past my almost had and the needles and pins
I placed on my walls to keep me together
To unveil something old
Something familiar

So when my words come tumbling out
I know that its real
That they were there, waiting for you
Waiting for new
Waiting for love
Waiting for familiar

This is why I don't get involved
Why there's so many unread texts
and phones uncalled
Why I never say forever
Or take a chance to just see
Because at the end of the day all I have is me.
Why am I here??
When you're so far away
I asked you one million times if I should stay
And the answer is always yes
But I'm starting to believe
The person that you wish I was is not
what you see
The person that you wish I was
is someone far away
A broken dream and broken heart
still show up in display
Of the place that I now occupy
And I see it clear as day
That wall you've built around yourself
Just might be here to stay
Am I here because I'm warm?
Do I keep the shadows out?
From the dark corners of your mind
That you have yet to climb your way out
You're still dangling
Suspended in a time of almost were
Praying for a rope or ladder to bring
your heart some help and cure
From all the anger and the sadness
Yes I know I've felt it too
When the dream you had is gone
cause it was meant to be for two
But that other half no longer has
a place inside your plan
And you're forced to move on with your life
To be the better (wo)man
You say you're ready for transition
Ready to begin again
But each path that's traveled only
comes to yet another end
So your feet they back track
To begin the road again
Thinking that this time it's
guaranteed
The coast is finally clear
But you still hear shadows echoing
once again
Why am I here??

I could have loved you,
I don't think you knew
That I could have loved you
It hurts
Sometimes thinking of you
Because now I know
That these thoughts
And feelings
Were mine to bear
Alone.
What could I have done?
To open your eyes
To see me there
What could I have said
To draw your attention and keep it there
What was I
supposed to do?
I guess we'll never know
But next lifetime
When the wind blows North
and not South
And the Autumn leaves fall in our favor
You will
We will.

And she waited
For the seasons to change
Under a noir tree
With gnarled roots
Branches bent
Towards the ground
And every day
She kissed the sun
And burned her tongue
Praying her love
Would bring Spring time again

I've made a choice
Like I have before
But with a clear mind
And conscience
To love again
To forgive again
To mend wounded scars
And take up arms
To finish what I've started
May God bless our steps
And guard my heart
I pray we've both made this choice

I wonder if the next woman in your life will start off how we did
Your arms wrapped around me tight
Stolen kisses in the dark even while half asleep
That would mean the love we had
Had dissolved
And it's residue
Were the two cold bodies on opposite sides of beds
You won't admit the transformation
But I remember everything
100 something memories
Passed over and by
Flattened with harsh words
Until they became unrecognizable
But I remember everything
I remember sharing
Shows, memories, pain
No hesitation
No reservation
I remember safety
We were each others outlets
Our safe houses
Our trials were as a team
I remember learning
Exploring each other
The boundaries of our love and
Sensuality
I remember coasting
Not questioning the future we'd have
Memories that hadn't happened
Easily discussed and laughed about
Maybe our letters were clues
Of our true feelings
Your letters
Short lived, too shallow to last past
What was given
And my letters
Too long, and full of fear
I'm sorry you don't remember
Maybe if you saw the way youd looked at me underneath strobe lights that night
The darkness would bring memories too
Though
I'm glad you don't remember
It would be so much harder if you did
To accept this fate
I must leave heaven behind
And continue my walk through Earth
But like the others I'll carry your memory
Sometimes like stones against the wind
Sometimes like wings to give me hope
But I will remember
I'll always remember

You were never a savior
And that is my fault
For once again
Seeing a palm out hand
And placing a sword inside
But now I've learned
This lesson I've had to have
Forced in to me
I needed to be burned
To have the scars etched into my skin
Before I could finally say
No more
That my peace will not be taken for granted
That my love will not be taken in vain
I have seen a point so low
I kissed the ground hoping it would love me back enough to swallow me whole
And I've cried
With arms out stretched wondering
Why I was not good enough
For it to take me
But light prevailed
And now I wait
Heartbroken but headstrong
Recharging my own wings
So that I might lift myself
So that I might save myself
Again

What you gave to the world is no more
It lays, dispersed into the universe
It's gravity weighing down the parts of me
I keep hidden the darkest
Do you know what you took from me?
The warmth and life
I took years to build
Gifted from God
But thrown and coveted
By men just like you
Wings of plastic that when exposed to the sun
Melted down, a shiny casket for a once beating heart
And the stories
From eons ago that seemed to echo mine
That turned out to be fictional instead of biblical
You laid your tools down at my axis
And crossed easily into the atmosphere
For you knew that my oxygen was freely given and easy to take
And in its place you left poetry and promises of rotation
And walked away
Back to the place where you all come from
A place you swore to me
You'd never return.

You were supposed to be a savior
An angel among men.
But as your wings carried you closer to the clouds
You thought not twice of the Earth's rotation
Around you and the heaven you provided
And the Sun, once heart broken and frozen in strife
That depended on your orbit
The Moon so full with love
Began to wane again
As gravity took its toll
Crashing waves against the dreams
It once held dear
Seemingly safe within its hemispheres
What about your promises
Written into the universe
To be their warrior
To be their peace?
You lied, and with you took
The very oxygen we needed to survive
Your own battles too important to ignore
Your own cross too heavy a burden to bear

And then one sad day
the sun stopped on it's axis
And the moon cried out to the sea
Because in its protest Nature halted its course
Its will to go on ceased to be
God looked down on his creation
Knowing what would be done
Salvation in image of Him
And so his arch angel set forth for his task
To seek what was broken and mend
Down to Earth he ascended
With caution and grace
and spread forth for her constellations
The moon danced in awe of the gift it was given
But the sun would not share its elation
She knew that the stars could leave quick as they came
And leave her alone once again
But the angel was patient for he loved the Sun
So he waited for her will bend
He whispered his secrets
And embraced her flames
His gift to her time and reflection
And the Sun spun with joy
And Nature found faith
In herself and the love of the boy.

Bury your fears inside of me
Stretch my walls with your sorrow
Kiss me where it hurts
And rub your frustrations away
Release your anxiety
****** and forget

And if it burns so brightly
That it burns away
Let the heat melt the soles of my feet from running
Let the light etch memories of you
Across my skin
Let the flames smooth away past scars
And the wounds you leave in place
not be in vain