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Summer Dec 2015
"Whatever"
I am the fourth call that never happens
Whatever.
I am a mental illness to you
Whatever.
take pills after pills
To extinguish  me
Whatever.
it's for your own good
Whatever.
shoulders breaking
As is my mind
whatever
I had the worst day ever
Whatever.
I feel like I'll never get better
Whatever
Forget it
if I'm upset
Whatever
angry
whatever
Sad
Whatever
Whatever
Whatever
same day appointments
i won't get better
whatever
no one cares
whatever
I feel like dying
whatever
all you can say is
Whatever
you'll never get better
whatever
I'll still want to *******
whatever
**** forever
Whatever
I'll swallow a bottle of pills
whatever
so there won't be a forever
whatever
BABY IM GOING TO **** MYSELF
whatever
PLEASE HELP ME ITS NOT GETTING BETTER
whatever
IM GOING TO DO IT IM GOING TO DO IT
whatev-
  Dec 2015 Summer
Alex Hite
Sometimes
Things build up and get knocked down
Sometimes
I can't hold on to the cliff
My hands slip off
and I look at the water below
Sometimes the world looks too tough
The dirt is frozen
And the shovel won't go through
I try to hang on when it
gets too difficult
But sometimes I
go over the edge
My fingertips are slathered
in the butter that fills me with self-hatred
And fear
Fear is a lion
threatens to swallow me whole
bares its teeth and looks me in the eye
I run in every direction
but he's always there
And I can't get free

Sometimes
The world is too much
But I stand strong
And bury my feet-
just my feet-
in the ground and
stand
up
tall
Summer Dec 2015
Suffering is why art is created.
Suffering and love.
Both, which I find pretty ******* awful.
I would never wish either of them on anyone
Love has caused me more misfortune and abuse,
than any substance I have ever consumed.
Love, is filled with many more chemicals,
Than the countless cigarettes I have smoked.
At Least, cigarettes provided me with a sense of comfort,
While any form of love I was given,
Would cause my hands to shake,
let my brain run wild,
And left my body to ache.
past lovers lips leave awful tastes in your mouth
which seem to stay,
even after years of them being away.
suffering and love go hand in hand,
they are partners in crime.
one cannot love without suffering,
one cannot suffer without love.
in a sense, it is strung to the common belief that,
opposites attract
love is suffering
suffering is love
that is not a metaphor,
but a fact.
maybe i am writing this,
because I have watched too many of Bukowski’s poetry readings,
or because your lips are still in my mind.
I gave you every inch of my being,
Just to see you smile,
because I loved you.
maybe, that’s why I am now alone,
Suffering.
because I loved you,
And like I said,
suffering is love.
love is suffering
and I loved you so much,
I thought that putting all of myself
into a glass bowl,
and trusting your sweaty palms,
to keep a firm grip on it,
was a good idea,
because I wanted to believe in you,
and my head wasn’t in the right place,
I was not okay,
I had thought maybe your hands
were different,
Maybe they would not cause
my body to shatter
And my soul to spill out,
Onto the floor,
Like blood onto concrete,
But that’s exactly what they did,
And your hands did not apologize,
as I fell onto the floor,
they did not try to piece me back together,
they did not try to gather up my contents
your hands just left me there,
fragments of myself left to linger
on your carpet.
and sometimes,
I wonder
if you can still hear
the segments of my body,
crack in between
your doc marten boots.
Summer Dec 2015
she invited sadness
into her bed,
and let it
**** her
all.
night.
long
Summer Dec 2015
i used to feel
at home
in your arms
but
now
i only feel
at home
in my bed
Summer Dec 2015
one day
i am going to be a star.
someone once told me
when we die
we will all become
stardust.
and we will float
around in the universe.
lost.
i will become the cosmos
in your eyes
forever to be lost in your eyes
forever to be lost in your eyes
Summer Dec 2015
I definitely am not Kurt Vonnegut
but
After I kissed you
I whispered
“So it goes.”
Because after the first time our lips touched
I knew
I just knew
When you left it would hurt like hell
And I would probably end up dying.
But I would
Live in moments
Inside of your head
But just being a memory to you
Was not
Enough for me
It will never be enough for me
Because
When you fall in love
As quickly as I do
You get attached easily
I carved your name into my skin
But everybody asked if you were okay
I Was bleeding out
And they asked if you were okay
And then you wrote me a song
With a ******* times four
You shattered my ******* heart and acted like it was my fault
There is no poetic way I could say that
because heartbreak is not beautiful.
what you did to me is not beautiful.
here’s the funnier part
You got angry at me
Because all the poems were still about you.
You once told me my feelings were valid
And I am so sorry
That when I was with you everything was about the sun.
And that you thought I was
Perfect
And emotionless
Just like how most boys like you want people to be.
you never knew how I felt
you just knew that i was pretty
and I wrote poetry
So I had to be somewhat interesting according to your standards.
And after all of the miscommunication
you were doing just fine
But
I was stuck writing these poems
These God ****** poems
About how you made me feel
*****
And believe me
If I could write about the sun again
I would
But every time my pen touches paper
Your name spills out
And so do the memories
of your touch and your smile
And everything that made me fall in love with you
And believe me
there are so many reasons.
I remember reading this one cliche John green quote that said “I fell in love like you fall asleep slowly but all at once”
But God with you
I fell in love with you
So quickly
There was nothing slow about it
I fell in love like a person falls apart.
very quickly and unexpectedly.
I fall in love the most painful ways.
and I will not apologize for loving you
and I will not apologize for being upset
because I will never apologize for feeling
Even if sometimes I may feel too much.
So ******* x4
wow this is so old wowee @ my shady poems
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