Disbelief has captured my Inside

Since my enemy was unrestrained belief
I'm  burning inside and I'm roaming on side

I can not stop to think
What a shame but for me it's a big deal

What for I lost my sleep?

Was it even what they call  a "sin"?

No, I barely felt guilty

My issue is fear

I want isolate myself from stains

I want to rescue myself or maybe I should be killed:)

But I'm too weak for all of this


I can't rescue myself  from painful but sweet memories

Conversely I 'm making them alive

I've been wondering since the moment you left
What those feelings that I had meant
Did they have a name and was I to blame
Why I felt that way and how to make it go away

I know now that it was never my fault
You hold all the blame and I curse your very name
I feel betrayal pull itself through my being
As the word leaves my lips in a whisper

How could I ever love someone who mistook discomfort for fun?
How could I trust someone who's eyes wandered as they were with me?
How could I think he loved me when even after a year his closest friends did not know me?

It didn't register to me that I was angry or that I was sad
I thought we parted on mutual terms
But you weren't satisfied by my lack of suffering
So you came back to make it clear that no part of you is capable trusting

All you've ever told me
All the "I love you's"
All the "You're my world's"
Hidden inside every word
Was a lie

I need to fade
I need to disappear
I need to run away from you
I need not to get infatuated with sweet words
It  can be the biggest sin  to believe you again
Love made me such a fool

Now I am not scared to hurt you  
Because you will get over memory of us easily and  fast

Love  is a sickness

So  we can die from it?

I was fooling myself when tried to find a cure

Today  with the coming of  sanity
her question is answered

Love is shelter
Love is soft wind
Love is peaceful silence
Love is family

Fourishing flower when I'm  near you
                     Now poisoned with ABSENCE
                          Having no idea of what should I do