I'm the trouble in the air,
The monster under the stair,
Building myself an evil lair,
I know 'cause I don't ******* care.

You will never know the face,
Behind this killer nutcase,
Line me up and pull the mace
Maybe then you'll feel His grace!

Hang me up to dry on a cross,
Long enough and I'll grow moss,
It's a revolution I will cause,
Look out below cause Im ******* crossed!

You will never know the face,
Behind this killer nutcase,
Line me up and pull the mace
Maybe then you'll feel His grace!

I dare you to flee from this beast,
Cause I'll pull you down to feast,
Upon your ***** flesh, you ******* reek,
Tear you up, I have been unleashed.

I will know the face of God,
Uncover His killer facade,
He will beg for you to give laud,
Beg not, you'll lock eyes with a firing squad.

Don’t wanna be restrained to,
Allow for the politicians abuse,
Freedom from the celebrity ruse,
As I struggle with these hues,
Red, White, and Blue.

We’re like toys,
We make noise,
Bring them joy,
We’re easy to poise.

Grab me by my hair,
Throw me in the chair,
Scream at me, “It’s not fair!,”
You say, “You’re a burden I can’t bare.”
I’ll kick your teeth out, it’s only fair.

Life couldn’t give you a more silver spoon,
Sat up in your high chair, tightening our noose,
Drinking from a sippy cup, it’s alcohol abuse,
I hope you forget that karma is on the loose.
Cause we’re coming for you.

Half-dead brutes,
***** of dried prunes,
Master of child abuse,
You are the fake news.

Others will avoid,
You will destroy,
The bombs you deploy,
For the middle east oil,
Brainwashed toys are easy to exploit.

I can’t gain any weight,
I will never like my height,
I won't look in my mirror,
Cause there's bound to be,
This boy who's so incomplete.

Phasing in and out,
Picking at the yellow grout,
Taking a bite of raw trout,
Inside my tub, my hideout.

Sometimes I feel so real,
Other times I’m Saint Gabriel,
Sending letters out my tracheal,
The atoms of mine wholly immaterial.

Befriending a nightmare or two,
They are my disappearing purple glue,
Holding the sole of my irreplaceable shoe,
The padding inside is sky-blue powdery mildew.

It's funny you think heaven will let you in,
When all you've done is blame the sin,
Did He never say, "Love Thy Neighbor"?
I beg of you to do me one little favor.

Pull out your wholly rotten teeth,
Cut off your boot-licking tongue,
Cram your throat full with holy script,
And stitch up your quivering God-fearing lips.

Take just one swing, fellow sinner,
It'll just give me another good excuse,
With a few good kicks, I'll curb-stomp you,
Straight to Hell 'cause you burnt my fuse.

Pull out your wholly rotten teeth,
Cut off your boot-licking tongue,
Cram your throat full with holy script,
And stitch up your quivering God-fearing lips.

I don't fear your guns,
I just fear for you,
No, I don't fear your guns,
I'll count to three, we'll have some fun.

Load data onto my phone,
I don’t want to feel alone,
Wait for my dad, I’ll feel the tone,
In my boot while at school,
Catch me grinning like a fool.

All my teachers think I’ll rule,
But I’m really the dullest tool.

Screaming baby on haunted doors,
Cereal running off the store shelves,
Spectral shining house of solid gold,
Truth been told in the sight of the moon.

I want to know where,
I want to know when,
I want to know who you are,
Beyond what I’ve been allowed to see.

God said that similar traits aren’t friends,
Discordant houses won’t know the good end,
Old blood can’t enjoy their new blood,
Rub the face with **** and mud,
Show the puppy dog what's been done.
I call *******. Hit Dad in his dried up prune head!

I want to know where,
I want to know when,
Yeah I want to know who you are,
I want to know where,
Beyond the bird prints by your eyes.

Demon hauled out of yellowed plastic sheets,
Tailing Lucifer down to where it reeks,
Anti-heroes are full of rotten fun,
Devil pushes, I bid farewell,
Bulging grey pavement falls away and fades.

I know the game I played,
I know the pain I made,
I know the brains I plague,
You're helping a monster who’s defense is serrated,
Cutting talons and spikes still it seems he's hated,
A beast who'd prefer not to be.

I want to know where,
I want to know when,
I want to know who you are,
Beyond what I’ve been allowed to see.
At least I know you see me.

I’m a ***** little birdy
You groom my feathers till I’m flirty,
It’s funny cause you’re thirty
Keep telling me I’m “Purdy”
Just so mature
Just so mature
So mature, yes sir!

Just ***** inside and ***** outside,
It’s not mud ill truthfully confide,
Got caught, spider trap, cause you weren’t doing time,
Vampire bat bit my neck I can’t feel any limb of mine,
Tiny body of bones and red fruit punch liquid, oh yeah, you’re super pure, likewise!
Now I’ll show you something,
Yeah, I’ll ******* show you loving!

I’m a ***** little birdy
You groom my feathers till I’m flirty,
It’s funny cause you’re thirty
Keep telling me I’m “Purdy”
Just so mature
Just so mature
So mature, yes sir!

If I could. Oh, if I could.
Take my time, you stay tied,
Black chair, plastic sheets,
Floor to ceiling I’ll change the tide,
By the end I’ll bleed you dry,
Just for that, I’d pay the price.

Stitch your zipper lips up, pupper.
Ignorant ******, you *******.
Yes sir! He's like butter.
The toilet cracks, slip down.
He'd drown you, ******* clown.
What is found, your heart pound.
Construct your plastic empathy.
Scrambling frantically, thrashing fantastically.
Fish out of water, no sympathy for tyranny.

Assimilate this urge,
I'd do anything to purge,
This lack of assurance,
I will leave, I assure.

You work hard
To make this house a home
Then turn around
And break all my bones.

Come down through the mountain range,
Hop off of your high horse, he's been smoking,
You've been gloating and bloating,
Telling fables of how our house is blazing,
A nuclear family who's your pride,
Cause we are sticking by your side,
Glued-tight at the seams, turn on the beams,
The glare will blind our closest,
Is it worth it to not disclose it?

You work hard,
To give this house some gloom,
You don't care to see the children bloom,
Cause nothings worth losing your little kids,
You own us. You own our things, You own our love.
You own our home, You own our food.
Would you ever own up?

I am a stain,
and I am a saint,
I've never confessed,
And I swear I've lied,
At least a thousand times.

If you keep up with me,
You'll pray to the Devil,
And loose all your morals,
I will savor the fire He rains.

I will walk the lines,
That trace my pentagon,
Cause I'm a sinner,
Eating Christ for dinner.

If you keep up with me,
You'll pray to the Devil,
And loose all your morals,
I will savor the fire He rains.

A blight in your sight,
I will tempt you to Hell,
In all my lavish seduction,
A burning desire to do you.

Does it feel better?
When God points your compass?

If he were proven unreal.
Where would you go?
Would you burglarize?
Would you assault?

Would  you  ****?

I feel unstable,
Like a fairytale,
Walking home,
Driving home,
Flying home,
On my own.

Build me up from the bottom,
I was wholly rotten,
From the inside to out,
So blatantly incorrect.

                             "Just an unfortunate mistake."

Least I've got love,
Least I've got heart,
Least I've got a roof,
Least I've got food.

What if it's not enough?
Oh, I suppose it's not enough.

                             "Rotten monster
                                                         Selfish creature"

I wanna see the stars.
It's just so much to ask.

The world doesn't work well for me.

Deaf

Trans

ASD

ADHD

Queer

I work for the world but inefficiently.
Constantly crying and breaking down.

                              "Pitiful adult
                                                      Absolute burden"

It goes on and on.
This intersectional conundrum.
It's me. I'm the problem.

I can see where I'm worth.
So It's not me that's a problem.

It's the world that has no step stool.
The people like me know what I mean.

Praying despite disbelieving.
Lord how could I work through this?

Might as well.
Or no.

What if it's not enough?
Oh, I suppose it's not enough.
Never enough.

Pick the pieces of me off the ground,
Then scatter them around,
Don't bother to sneak,
I won't ever know,
Cause I can't hear a sound.

The worst of the worst,
Has seared itself into my cranium,
Cementing itself as scar tissue,
An ailment that'll never fade away.

The best of the best,
Worn out and transparent,
Slipping away with every blink,
Poignant moments that have jaded.

Twist and contort my voice into something unrecognizable,
So I can feel something other than my own self-destruction.
A fortnight or two until I'm totally blue,
Water cast to fire just to satiate his primal desire.

I've got not much to walk for,
Nothing to run for,
Nothing to scream for,
It's all just a chore.

Carry me down my own obsidian path,
Leave you barefoot to slip and bleed.
Only then you'll see what it feels to be me,
Maybe then you'll hold me closer and tighter than before.

I've got not much to walk for,
Nothing to run for,
Nothing to scream for,
It's all just a chore.

Let me watch the sun drown in the shimmering lake,
Why do you always block the beautiful view?
Doesn't it make sense that I have stopped respecting you,
For all that you do, For all that you say,
How is it any stretch to feel so enraged.

"Come home"
"Come home"
"Come home!" she begged me so.

"I won't"
"I won't"
"I won't!" I told her so.

"You're mold"
"You're mold"
"You're mold!" he's shouted at me so.

"I'm already home,
At a place that I can fold,
Breathe without a head cold,
Where I own all my clothes,
Won't come back 'til he's been remold."

My dog is better than yours,
Bigger than yours,
Meaner than yours,
Prettier than yours.
My dog is better than yours.

I know so because yours cowers,
I know so because yours cries,
I know so because yours hides.

I am better than you,
On a horse,
Shirtless too,
Dominant force,
I am better than you.

I know so because you're weak,
I know so because you're broken,
I know so because you don't have me.

Fair to say I wanna be tall,
Standing 5’3 but I’m not picky,
I just wanna see over the forestry.

Sun setting over the suburbia,
Pale orange light reflecting into my eyes,
From shuttered windows on the second floors,
Golden hour just doesn't feel as right as yesterday.

Far outside of my point of view,
The president is a soldier for his country,
Kissed his wife and kid goodbye,
He says he might not see them tomorrow night.

Rain over, and over,
These bombshells falling,
Tears from the school and the orphanage,
God forbid, they fight for their dreams.

When your own people,
Surrender their weapons,
Cry to the enemies to finish this war.

Your reign.
will come.
To an end.

Blinded by a setting sun,
8pm on a summer night,
You say to me,
"My, my, look into those eyes."
Looking back at you is the sun,
His eyes are deep down brown.

Why won't you leave?
I'm begging, please.
Blinded by a marital dream,
Don't see the harm we receive.

Spend the midnight hours,
Rummaging through the old,
You say now,
"I could be free. Maybe one day I will be."
Looking down upon you is...


Wretched hands that don't believe,
Who am I to speak,
Except I'm the one who felt it,
Searing. Burning. Cutting flesh.
To the bone. Through the marrow.
Screaming till the throat is ******,
I know who I am but I'm not real,
An imaginary character to the sun.
Did I wrap the moon around my..
broken and bruised finger?

Why won't you leave?
I'm begging, please.
Blinded by a marital dream,
Don't see the harm you receive.

There are rats in my basement,
Crawling through cracks in the pavement,
I can hear their chatter, how they crave it,
Their hollow skins soon to cave in.

Join me and rejoice,
He will give a new vice,
One to see all the putrid sights,
We are all living blights.

Sunsets on barren land,
Fallen branches in the sand,
Our old oak stump and,
My cold heart comes to an end.

Here it comes now,
It's coming soon now,
Almost here now,
So it's here now.

Numbing agent to my ******* brain,
Bash my teeth into ******* pieces,
Tear my toes off their ******* hinges,
Eat my heart out it's a ******* pain.

Well it's never gonna be gone now,
Sticking around 'til I go crazy now,
Like a spider to a sticky trap now,
And now I'm going down.

Pull my nails out with pliers,
Tenderize my knees with a bat,
Feed my eyes to a starving rat,
I'm done with my body, any buyers?

I'm beginning to feel the bitter,
Lemon flavor, crawling up my throat,
and spread through my tongue.

Pour me a glass of apple juice.

I just remembered all the things,
That are wrong with me and,
All the people who wronged me.

Delectable poison to my brain.

Downed my Prozac with some Sprite,
Now I've got this globus that won't go away,
I've puked 'bout 6 times up till now,
Doesn't seem like it will end anytime soon.

We were kids, two empty heads,
Yet full at the heart, dropping pieces of our souls,
At each other's doorsteps, awaiting a better place to meet.
Now, we're still kids, just a few years ahead,
Still young at heart, I can't let go of your leftovers,
I'm at your doorstep, awaiting my friend and maybe,
A partner.

I don't think as well when the noise goes around my cranium,
Through my ears and into my skull where my brain resides,
So when the sounds begin a journey that subsides,
All of the thoughts come to light,
Less frightened of silence.

It would be nice to,
Have a better excuse,
To not get up and move,
Cause I'm stuck to the floor.

If I could break this steadfast chase,
For a better life that doesn't haste,
Then, maybe I wouldn't feel like a waste,
Now, maybe I wouldn't take up space.

Ill break all my bones,
Cause I'm tired of endless drones,
Calling me up from the phone,
I'm broken, I can hear it in their tones.

So distant from the future yet so close to the past,
This barrier that prevents me from taking one more step,
Eyes to the ground I won't make eye contact,
These greedy beings are far too rough to me.

Cease to exist,
Won't be fixed,
Down the list,
I'm told I'm missed,
It hurts like an engorged cyst.

Wringing my bones of the infectious mold,
Pay God a sum to fix me with venomous tongues,
I won't bathe in the pity that a loved one engorges on,
All day and every night till the very day I die.

Cease to exist,
Won't be fixed,
Down the list,
I'm told I'm missed,
It hurts like an engorged cyst.

Waterboard these treasonous instincts,
Tomorrow's a new day to forgive you of the infliction,
Another wine cup made from Jesus that I won't drink,
I've kissed Lucifer and told him God is nobody worth loving,
Cause if God won't love me for who I was and who I became,
Then God doesn't deserve to breed his impotence and greed.

Yet.
In all his glory, he shines down on the sinners,
Promising to be the golden riches we lust after,
He no longer deserves capitalization for further polluting,
O' our wretched hands.

Do I feel it now, I have to ask.
Troubled and doubled over.
Toilet seats are too cold.
Something's getting out.
Home isn't home anymore.

I wish my daddy tried harder for me,
Cause I missed him so much,
All the elementary years,
Spent wondering,
“am I a burden on my father?”

I was told I wasn’t,
That he loved me dearly,
And that he had to leave home,
To keep working to the bone.

Yet he’d tell tales about jumping from cliffs,
Running from the pigs that infested the cities,
Flew to Malaysia but still couldn’t visit me,
Now I’m starting to wonder if he really meant any of it.

I was told he did,
That he loved me dearly,
And that he had to leave home,
To keep working to the bone.

Well I’m not convinced.
I’m nearly 20 years in age,
And I think that he thought nothing of me.

All that I can figure out is nothing makes sense,
I end up resorting to burying myself in the sand,
There's a chance that I am nothing more than a child,
And the wind calls away from this place I called home.

My tear ducts are alike to the canals on Mars,
Empty and red from the eons of dread,
You're no better than me, stop pretending.

I feel like buying a gun
Cause I’m not having any fun,
I’m done trying to run,
These days are coming undone,
No longer seeing the sun.

I can’t sleep for the life of me,
Why can’t these thoughts leave me be,
Im struggling to begin to see,
The forest for the trees.

Cry out every night,
God, save me from this plight,
I’m half a human as I write,
Hope I find a little light.

I don’t want to move on,
I keep seeing the same dawn,
It’s the same one I’ve always drawn,
Feeling like a plastic pawn,
I won’t be here for long.

I can’t sleep for the life of me,
Why can’t these thoughts leave me be?
I’m struggling to begin to see,
The forest for the trees.

I’m just a product
Of all the trauma,
You raised me this way,
Carry some blame,
Cause I’m holding the shame.

Messy rooms,
Unmade beds,
Dry showers,
Crusted plates.

I’m just romanticized,
You can fix me, I’ll be a prize,
And you’ll hug me and love me,
Till the next time I die.

Messy rooms,
Unmade beds,
Dry showers,
Crusted plates.

I can’t see my floor, anymore,
My room is becoming my tomb,
Just wait I’ll be out soon,
And you’ll see my rat’s nest,
Of disgrace and unrest.

I don’t know how to sing,
But it’s all I want to do,
And the floors give way,
To a whole new song,
I just can’t sing along,
Cause I was right the first time,
My voice still sounds so wrong.

Meshing together in a single spiral,
A passion-driven thought,
That’ll wrestle with logic,
I’m hooked to the fight,
A looping paradox.

Captured lights steaks of these cars,
Post them up all over the highway chain-link,
Asking 'Which one of these blurry angels would save me now?'
But I know, if they love me as much as they love themselves,
Tell Lucifer I’m on my way.

I’m splitting into two,
Two halves of a whole mess,
Breaking fast to the cliff edge,
Shouting back to save face,
But I’m losing it, I’m losing face.

I’m a terrifying beast,
No more than 4’
Weigh less than paper,
Fighting against the wind.

I don’t feel like myself,
I invite this sudden change as a victory,
Cause I’m saving my grace,
By moving away without a place,
To stay.

He’s haunting me and he loves it,
He’s taunting me and he loves it.

I can't go back to that ****,
Maybe I'll forget the time,
Cherish the worst of it,
Looking up at the pine.

I take a ride again,
Deep through the forest,
Ghosts scream in vain,
Well, I guess here's a toast,
To all those who died in pain.

Time always passes me by,
As I'm caught in the trap,
I can't help but begin to cry,
No guide to trust with this crap,
Only could say goodbye.

I take a ride again,
Deep through the forest,
Ghosts scream in vain,
Well, I guess here's a toast,
To all those who died in pain.

I don’t get a girl cause girls aren’t to be caught,
That’s what mama says and I say it all the time,
She’s dead so I guess it makes me feel better about living here,
On earth, in a place like Troy.

It’s a dead end city,
All my passions lay on a bed of ******
And ****,
I hate this town but I’m preaching to the choir
The choir
I’m preaching to the choir

I don’t even like women,
No, but I imagine that one day I could be a husband,
To see that someone could love me.
All my scabs and leftover scars,
Are something to be admired,
Or maybe they’ll find my laugh, charming.

There’s a guilt associated with you,
A lingering sunset before darkness,
A winter breeze at the end of fall,
I don’t know how I feel about you.

Now I’ve kissed other people
Laid in their beds and hated their guts,
Watched as I grew farther from their touch,
Nothing seemed certain.
Not nearly as much as you.

If I were a smarter person, I’d have let you go,
You haunt my dreams these nights,
Bringing about a chorus of doubt,
Maybe I never should have said goodbye.

What if there’s nothing to look forward to?
A concert or two to keep me going.
And through the winter I might break.
This time, I don’t want to be turned in.
The hospital hasn’t done much for me.

Now I fall through bed-sheets,
Figuring out the meaning to living,
A pretentious ******* with no right,
What I'd do to become everything I want.

In the meantime,
Give me reasons to survive at bare minimum,
Holding only a grain of sand,
While everyone else seems to hold more.

Now I fall through bed-sheets,
Figuring out the meaning to living,
A pretentious ******* with no right,
What I'd do to become everything I want.

I've got to move far away,
This dreadful town has me in tears,
A new sunset to appreciate every night,
Holding me down with an existential weight.

There's no telling that I'd do, friend,
To pack my bags and *******,
Against everyone's wishes,
I'm a failure to touch or view.

Its selfish to ask for help,
And I'd be begging to be killed,
Without it.

Give me a sign,
from the love of nobody's life,
I'll sign my life away to the metal,
Rind my teeth against bones,
Just to feel justified in my selfishness.

Don't ******* help me,
I'll do it all on my own,
Just get drunk, smoke some ****,
Burrow deeper into the molten hot sand.

Maybe I'll write a story about how I learned to survive,
Then reflect back on myself to see that I've still died.
I'm still figuring out how to die.
Figuring out if I can die.

Cause it's all futile,
To ask for help, I'd be a manipulator,
And if I called home,
Would anyone answer and take me seriously?

Im tired of pretending that Im any good at singing,
Cause my vocal cords crack and groan at every note,
Maybe I don't drink enough water,
or maybe my throat is just sick of me singing.

I don't know anything more than four cords,
My guitar doesn't see much use except abuse,
Although my piano just might be a *******,
I'm just a fool with a tool to speak his muse.

I wanna find it inside of myself,
A driving passion to bring money home,
Cause I'm sitting here with nothing,
Except a couple dollars to my name.

The poems I write are far too basic,
Nobody likes them but to be fair neither do I,
I can't show my face to anybody now,
Cause the porcelain is beginning to break.

It's chipping away, away, away...
Down the drain, away, away, away...
And now I sway, away, away, away...
In my room as a dull tool who loves music,
away, away, away...