Sunsets on barren land,
Fallen branches in the sand,
Our old oak stump and,
My cold heart comes to an end.

Here it comes now,
It's coming soon now,
Almost here now,
So it's here now.

Numbing agent to my ******* brain,
Bash my teeth into ******* pieces,
Tear my toes off their ******* hinges,
Eat my heart out it's a ******* pain.

Well it's never gonna be gone now,
Sticking around 'til I go crazy now,
Like a spider to a sticky trap now,
And now I'm going down.

Pull my nails out with pliers,
Tenderize my knees with a bat,
Feed my eyes to a starving rat,
I'm done with my body, any buyers?

I'm beginning to feel the bitter,
Lemon flavor, crawling up my throat,
and spread through my tongue.

Pour me a glass of apple juice.

I just remembered all the things,
That are wrong with me and,
All the people who wronged me.

Delectable poison to my brain.

Downed my Prozac with some Sprite,
Now I've got this globus that won't go away,
I've puked 'bout 6 times up till now,
Doesn't seem like it will end anytime soon.

We were kids, two empty heads,
Yet full at the heart, dropping pieces of our souls,
At each other's doorsteps, awaiting a better place to meet.
Now, we're still kids, just a few years ahead,
Still young at heart, I can't let go of your leftovers,
I'm at your doorstep, awaiting my friend and maybe,
A partner.

I don't think as well when the noise goes around my cranium,
Through my ears and into my skull where my brain resides,
So when the sounds begin a journey that subsides,
All of the thoughts come to light,
Less frightened of silence.

It would be nice to,
Have a better excuse,
To not get up and move,
Cause I'm stuck to the floor.

If I could break this steadfast chase,
For a better life that doesn't haste,
Then, maybe I wouldn't feel like a waste,
Now, maybe I wouldn't take up space.

Ill break all my bones,
Cause I'm tired of endless drones,
Calling me up from the phone,
I'm broken, I can hear it in their tones.

So distant from the future yet so close to the past,
This barrier that prevents me from taking one more step,
Eyes to the ground I won't make eye contact,
These greedy beings are far too rough to me.

Cease to exist,
Won't be fixed,
Down the list,
I'm told I'm missed,
It hurts like an engorged cyst.

Wringing my bones of the infectious mold,
Pay God a sum to fix me with venomous tongues,
I won't bathe in the pity that a loved one engorges on,
All day and every night till the very day I die.

Cease to exist,
Won't be fixed,
Down the list,
I'm told I'm missed,
It hurts like an engorged cyst.

Waterboard these treasonous instincts,
Tomorrow's a new day to forgive you of the infliction,
Another wine cup made from Jesus that I won't drink,
I've kissed Lucifer and told him God is nobody worth loving,
Cause if God won't love me for who I was and who I became,
Then God doesn't deserve to breed his impotence and greed.

Yet.
In all his glory, he shines down on the sinners,
Promising to be the golden riches we lust after,
He no longer deserves capitalization for further polluting,
O' our wretched hands.

Do I feel it now, I have to ask.
Troubled and doubled over.
Toilet seats are too cold.
Something's getting out.
Home isn't home anymore.

I wish my daddy tried harder for me,
Cause I missed him so much,
All the elementary years,
Spent wondering,
“am I a burden on my father?”

I was told I wasn’t,
That he loved me dearly,
And that he had to leave home,
To keep working to the bone.

Yet he’d tell tales about jumping from cliffs,
Running from the pigs that infested the cities,
Flew to Malaysia but still couldn’t visit me,
Now I’m starting to wonder if he really meant any of it.

I was told he did,
That he loved me dearly,
And that he had to leave home,
To keep working to the bone.

Well I’m not convinced.
I’m nearly 20 years in age,
And I think that he thought nothing of me.

All that I can figure out is nothing makes sense,
I end up resorting to burying myself in the sand,
There's a chance that I am nothing more than a child,
And the wind calls away from this place I called home.

My tear ducts are alike to the canals on Mars,
Empty and red from the eons of dread,
You're no better than me, stop pretending.

I feel like buying a gun
Cause I’m not having any fun,
I’m done trying to run,
These days are coming undone,
No longer seeing the sun.

I can’t sleep for the life of me,
Why can’t these thoughts leave me be,
Im struggling to begin to see,
The forest for the trees.

Cry out every night,
God, save me from this plight,
I’m half a human as I write,
Hope I find a little light.

I don’t want to move on,
I keep seeing the same dawn,
It’s the same one I’ve always drawn,
Feeling like a plastic pawn,
I won’t be here for long.

I can’t sleep for the life of me,
Why can’t these thoughts leave me be?
I’m struggling to begin to see,
The forest for the trees.

I’m just a product
Of all the trauma,
You raised me this way,
Carry some blame,
Cause I’m holding the shame.

Messy rooms,
Unmade beds,
Dry showers,
Crusted plates.

I’m just romanticized,
You can fix me, I’ll be a prize,
And you’ll hug me and love me,
Till the next time I die.

Messy rooms,
Unmade beds,
Dry showers,
Crusted plates.

I can’t see my floor, anymore,
My room is becoming my tomb,
Just wait I’ll be out soon,
And you’ll see my rat’s nest,
Of disgrace and unrest.

I don’t know how to sing,
But it’s all I want to do,
And the floors give way,
To a whole new song,
I just can’t sing along,
Cause I was right the first time,
My voice still sounds so wrong.

Meshing together in a single spiral,
A passion-driven thought,
That’ll wrestle with logic,
I’m hooked to the fight,
A looping paradox.

Captured lights steaks of these cars,
Post them up all over the highway chain-link,
Asking 'Which one of these blurry angels would save me now?'
But I know, if they love me as much as they love themselves,
Tell Lucifer I’m on my way.

I’m splitting into two,
Two halves of a whole mess,
Breaking fast to the cliff edge,
Shouting back to save face,
But I’m losing it, I’m losing face.

I’m a terrifying beast,
No more than 4’
Weigh less than paper,
Fighting against the wind.

I don’t feel like myself,
I invite this sudden change as a victory,
Cause I’m saving my grace,
By moving away without a place,
To stay.

He’s haunting me and he loves it,
He’s taunting me and he loves it.

I can't go back to that ****,
Maybe I'll forget the time,
Cherish the worst of it,
Looking up at the pine.

I take a ride again,
Deep through the forest,
Ghosts scream in vain,
Well, I guess here's a toast,
To all those who died in pain.

Time always passes me by,
As I'm caught in the trap,
I can't help but begin to cry,
No guide to trust with this crap,
Only could say goodbye.

I take a ride again,
Deep through the forest,
Ghosts scream in vain,
Well, I guess here's a toast,
To all those who died in pain.

I don’t get a girl cause girls aren’t to be caught,
That’s what mama says and I say it all the time,
She’s dead so I guess it makes me feel better about living here,
On earth, in a place like Troy.

It’s a dead end city,
All my passions lay on a bed of ******
And ****,
I hate this town but I’m preaching to the choir
The choir
I’m preaching to the choir

I don’t even like women,
No, but I imagine that one day I could be a husband,
To see that someone could love me.
All my scabs and leftover scars,
Are something to be admired,
Or maybe they’ll find my laugh, charming.

There’s a guilt associated with you,
A lingering sunset before darkness,
A winter breeze at the end of fall,
I don’t know how I feel about you.

Now I’ve kissed other people
Laid in their beds and hated their guts,
Watched as I grew farther from their touch,
Nothing seemed certain.
Not nearly as much as you.

If I were a smarter person, I’d have let you go,
You haunt my dreams these nights,
Bringing about a chorus of doubt,
Maybe I never should have said goodbye.

What if there’s nothing to look forward to?
A concert or two to keep me going.
And through the winter I might break.
This time, I don’t want to be turned in.
The hospital hasn’t done much for me.

Now I fall through bed-sheets,
Figuring out the meaning to living,
A pretentious ******* with no right,
What I'd do to become everything I want.

In the meantime,
Give me reasons to survive at bare minimum,
Holding only a grain of sand,
While everyone else seems to hold more.

Now I fall through bed-sheets,
Figuring out the meaning to living,
A pretentious ******* with no right,
What I'd do to become everything I want.

I've got to move far away,
This dreadful town has me in tears,
A new sunset to appreciate every night,
Holding me down with an existential weight.

There's no telling that I'd do, friend,
To pack my bags and *******,
Against everyone's wishes,
I'm a failure to touch or view.

Its selfish to ask for help,
And I'd be begging to be killed,
Without it.

Give me a sign,
from the love of nobody's life,
I'll sign my life away to the metal,
Rind my teeth against bones,
Just to feel justified in my selfishness.

Don't ******* help me,
I'll do it all on my own,
Just get drunk, smoke some ****,
Burrow deeper into the molten hot sand.

Maybe I'll write a story about how I learned to survive,
Then reflect back on myself to see that I've still died.
I'm still figuring out how to die.
Figuring out if I can die.

Cause it's all futile,
To ask for help, I'd be a manipulator,
And if I called home,
Would anyone answer and take me seriously?

Im tired of pretending that Im any good at singing,
Cause my vocal cords crack and groan at every note,
Maybe I don't drink enough water,
or maybe my throat is just sick of me singing.

I don't know anything more than four cords,
My guitar doesn't see much use except abuse,
Although my piano just might be a *******,
I'm just a fool with a tool to speak his muse.

I wanna find it inside of myself,
A driving passion to bring money home,
Cause I'm sitting here with nothing,
Except a couple dollars to my name.

The poems I write are far too basic,
Nobody likes them but to be fair neither do I,
I can't show my face to anybody now,
Cause the porcelain is beginning to break.

It's chipping away, away, away...
Down the drain, away, away, away...
And now I sway, away, away, away...
In my room as a dull tool who loves music,
away, away, away...

You're gonna hurt my feelings.
But why should you give a ****?
If I'm just a stupid kid.
Who knows nothing about the world.
Then I don't deserve an ounce of respect.
Nothing I own is mine under your roof.
So sell all of it. Use the money to buy my grave.

Good luck cause I'll haunt you until you're dead.

I miss your long kisses
I miss our long drives
I miss feeling happy,
And now I’m going absolutely ******* crazy!!!

You’re gonna leave and I’m not ready,
You’re gonna leave so just wait right here
You’re gonna leave what if I ask for one more kiss?

Perhaps the things we love the most are better off alone,
I’m bitter and prone to skipping stones against the walls,
Bored out of my ******* mind but you’re entertaining and I..

miss your long kisses
I miss our long drives
I miss feeling happy,
And now I’m going absolutely ******* crazy!!!
Bonkers, insane, publicly shamed.

And I wish you the best life,
But I also would admit my crush on you,
That I have had since my sweet sixteen,
It’s been a couple years and I’m all *******,
In alcohol dreams and suicide teams.

Charging through a mild storm,
Minor inconveniences and wild coincidences,
Are what drive me to the point of insanity,
The rumble of earthquakes under my feet.

Hard to say if I'm really as strong as they say,
I lie a lot and my friends are moving on,
These trust issues keep me branded as anti-social,
Maybe, I'll decide to never love again.

Breaking up over the phone,
Splitting checks on ****** dates,
I'm torrential rain and you're a sunny day,
Nothing I could ever handle in a lifetime.

Asthma acts up because of the pollen in the morning,
Can't breathe without opening my mouth,
It's an absolute ******* curse,
Just stitch my mouth so I just shut the **** up.

I'm not sure how else to be myself,
I've learned that growing means fixing,
Everything that is wrong with me,
My character, my mind, my voice,
My schedule, my sleep,
Yet, my choice remains that I'll wander the world,
In search of something else to solve.

Fixer boy,
That's who I think I am,
Fixer boy,
Can't sleep at night I'm just,
Fixer boy.

I'd like to pack all my things,
Drive so far away that I drown,
In the ocean and sleep with the fish,
I'm not meant for this reality,
I just want to be ******* free,
I'm a man made of straw,
Push me over and **** me raw.

Fixer boy,
That's who I think I am,
Fixer boy,
Can't sleep at night I'm just,
Fixer boy.

Devolving into madness,
Every day I notice,
Everybody seems so unsatisfied,
I'm a pathological liar,
A manipulative crier,
So I'll live a life,
Far from the other side,
I won't beg for green grass,
Cause it's meant for men with cash.

Fixer boy,
That's who I think I am,
Fixer boy,
Can't sleep at night I'm just,
Fixer boy,
That's who I think I am,
Fixer boy,
Can't sleep at night I'm just,
Fixer boy,
That's who I think I am,
Fixer boy,
Can't sleep at night I'm just,
Fixer boy,
That's who I think I am,
Fixer boy,
Can't sleep at night I'm just,
Fixer boy,
That's who I think I am,
Fixer boy,
Can't sleep at night I'm just,
Fixer boy,
That's who I think I am,
Fixer boy,
Can't sleep at night I'm just,
Fixer boy,
That's who I think I am,
Fixer boy,
Can't sleep at night I'm just,
Fixer boy,
That's who I think I am,
Fixer boy,
Can't sleep at night I'm just,
Fixer boy,
That's who I think I am,
Fixer boy,
Can't sleep at night I'm just,
Fixer boy,
That's who I think I am,
Fixer boy,
Can't sleep at night I'm just,
Fixer boy,
I'll just **** myself before I'm 30.

There's a call coming through,
It's reflecting off of the drops of dew,
Telling me it's right time for a cleaning crew,
Cause my head is best killed and grown anew.

*******, label me a night owl,
Cause these bedtime blues are fowl,
The suicide hounds are on the prowl,
And I'm,
Oh ****,
Yes I'm,
In their line of sight.

The phone's ringing off of the ******* hook,
Warning me, sending a cautionary tale, well look-
In my closet, there's a man, he has a silly book,
The stories all seem to spell my demise, he's a crook!

*******, label me a night owl,
Cause these bedtime blues are fowl,
The suicide hounds are on the prowl,
And I'm,
Oh ****,
Yes I'm,
In their line of sight.

Lock up the weapons,
Or else I'll be preppin',
At midnight I might be steppin',
To the closet where I met him,
And I'll pray to Mister Hades,
To give me a fate better than it.

*******, label me a night owl,
Cause these bedtime blues are fowl,
The suicide hounds are on the prowl,
And I'm,
Oh ****,
Yes I'm,
In their line of sight.

Minutes to hours,
Hours to days,
Pathetic decay,
My skin I flay,
Just to make pay,
On this bed I lay,
As a sinner, as a stray.

Days to weeks,
Weeks turn months,
I'm done trying to rhyme,
I'm so tired of this sick mind,
Nothing ever feels like it's mine,
I'm a coward hiding under the sheets,
Monsters come and sit with me on my bed,
Watching as I sink further into a tantalizing plan.

Pathetic boy,
Skin I destroy,
Faking joy,
This is my ploy,
As a sinner, as a void.

There's a place by the ocean,
On the east coast
Where all the naughty children go,
They got coal in their stockings,
And when they go, they’re cured,
At night, in the dead of your sleep,
It'll be a nightmare but you're wide awake,
You'll realize only in the morning that you've lost,
Every sense of who you were, down the drain,
As they watch you shower with smiles,
Promising that your sins will be washed away.

Wipe off your smirk,
Don't you dare stand so wrong,
It's a group meeting just for you,
Or maybe you need some time in the ring.

Never be alone again,
No, cause they'll watch you sleep,
They love it when you take a misstep,
Cause god they love to see you cry,
Absolute dunce, a waste of a human,
Deserving of nothing but the worst,
And like the phoenix you will rise from the dust,
As a new upstanding citizen,
We'll keep you here as long as we can.

Wipe off your smirk,
Don't you dare stand so wrong,
It's a group meeting just for you,
Or maybe you need some time in the ring.

Take some time in the ring,
Swing it out, bully,
Take each one of them down,
Till you've lost feeling in your fingers,
And your eyes are swollen and bruised,
Everyone hates you, you're obscene,
Disgusting teen,
Disgusting, ugly teen.
The bully never wins.

Wipe off your smirk,
Don't you dare stand so wrong,
It's a group meeting just for you,
Or maybe you need some time in the ring.
Some time in the ring, will do you good.

There's a stale little flavor in the air, now,
I've been learning about how life's not fair,
My gender's been a debate for a while,
And my voice just keeps giving out.

Nobody's able to,
Nobody's able to,
Decipher body blues,
Decipher body blues.

Purple pools with floating jewels,
A merciful Goddess on a throne,
Bountiful treasure in the water,
Do you dare to tread inside it?

Remedy me,
I'm ready,
The tide is steady,
Remedy me.

Electric blue birds flew,
To the east towards the hues,
A redemption just to rule,
You'll rue the day you let Her die too.

Remedy me,
I'm ready,
The tide is steady,
Remedy me.

Pink sheets on ****** beds,
Walls are painted with reds,
Satin duvets are all shed,
She loves to dance with the dead.

Remedy me,
Remedy me,
Remedy me,
I'm ready.

You remember, I'm sure,
Our nights, outside,
On the bridge, it's cold,
Your nose is red, I'll be bold.

And we'll rise with the sun,
And we'll die on the run,
Oh I miss our love.
And we'll rise with the sun,
And we'll die on the run,
Oh I miss our love.

Your parents, hate me,
In your room, silently,
Watching movies, you're lovely,
Hold you close, end scene.

And we'll rise with the sun,
And we'll die on the run,
Oh I miss our love.
And we'll rise with the sun,
And we'll die on the run,
Oh I miss our love.

Oh how I miss,
How I miss,
Do you miss,
As much as I miss,
Our jaunts on the lake,
Time together on spring break,
Oh how I miss,
How I miss,
Do you miss,
As much as I miss?

And we'll rise with the sun,
And we'll die on the run,
Oh I miss our love.
And we'll rise with the sun,
And we'll die on the run,
Oh I miss our love,
Oh I miss our love,
Oh I miss our love.

Sideways for the attention,
Lengthwise for the results,
Thank you Marilyn Manson,
I'll remember that for next time.

You're going to wish and beg,
That you could turn back time,
Cause I'll be dead and gone,
And you'll be left to weep.

Look at all these notes,
Of nights passed on,
Maybe I wasn't numb enough,
Or my blade sharp enough.

You're going to wish and beg,
That you could turn back time,
Cause I'll be dead and gone,
And you'll be left to weep.

You told me that I,
Was doing it to pretend,
To manipulate and lie,
So that I could get attention,
Well I'll turn my blade,
And then you'll understand.

You're going to wish and beg,
That you could turn back time,
Cause I'll be dead and gone,
And you'll be left to weep.

Leftover screws,
Congregate at pews,
Mourn for my death,
I sliced up my own neck,
Bleeding out on the floor,
I hope you open the door.

Supposed to write something that I remember.
What do I really remember?
What's real and what's pretend?
I've gotta be specific.
I can't be too personal,
I can't be too stupid,
I can't be too cringe,
What the **** do I do?

Crush me, I am defeated,

A little bug on the pavement,

And I’ll watch the gallows come down,

From the certain palace in the sky,

Crying out, “can you save me?”

As the spirit begins it’s departure.

I’ll watch myself walk the cultures,

As my breath is torn apart.

I am an internet baby,
Just started walking,
I got on mom's laptop,
Now I'm a grown up!

***** men on the internet,
Send me their photos,
And I send them mine,
Now I'm traumatized!

I am an internet baby,
Just started a new job,
As a *** worker,
I don't make any money though,
Uh oh!

***** men on the internet,
Send me their photos,
And I send them mine,
Now I'm traumatized!

Hey little me,
It wasn't your fault,
You were tricked,
In the most horrible way of all.

And to every ******* man,
Who told me,
That I was mature:

I'll light them on fire,
Every nerve end alight,
Watch them scream in pain,
Watch them in delight,
Cause they're all dead,
Everything I've done,
Is never to be seen,
By the light of day...

I don't sleep with the lights on anymore,
There's not a St. Nicolas nor a Christ,
Now I know that there's no poltergeist,
Polluted waters and carbon emissions,
Corrupted systems and ignorant *****.

Viva la Revolution, dearest America,
Oh *******, Jeffery, Bill and Elon,
He chews you up to paste,
Then spits you out like waste.

I'm not ******* genius for thinking,
That everything is going to hell.

Viva la Revolution, dearest America,
A big ******* to all the cops who bastardized themselves,
"We chew you up to paste,
Now kiss me like I'm dressed in lace."

Everything is going to hell,
Everything is going to hell,
Everybody is going to hell,
Viva la Revolution and **** America.

Idyllic families
Childhood prodigies
Standards set so high
An altitude they cannot fly.

P-R-O-D-I-G-Y!

High School rolls in,
For some reason they cannot win,
Lost faith in the Father,
Take those kids through slaughter.

P-R-O-D-I-G-Y!

Every word becomes a drone,
They begin taking the phone,
It doesn’t change anything,
So now they’re questioning.
“Do you respect me?”

P-R-O-D-I-G-Y!

“Not since you made me bleed”
It’s rhetorical, they don’t care.
They’re projecting, old dreams, it’s not fair.

P-R-O-D-I-G-Y!

Fast track all the way to graduation,
Barely made it with a lil medication.
Standards in the sky,
Rest In Peace, fly high.

Rolling in an empty ballroom,
Dressed up tight,
Black slacks and blue tie,
All the windows are boarded up,
The floor is littered with glass shards,
Wood planks and dead bugs,
I think I saw a couple ****** teeth too.

It's foreign. (Can't handle this!)
It's foreign. (Can't handle this!)
I'll scream. (Too many 👁eyes👁 watching me!)
I'll scream. (Too many 👁eyes👁 watching me!)

Free-floating cobwebs from the chandelier,
Ripped jacket and lost shoes,
This glass is really hurting me too,
Don't know what I'm hunting for,
Spiders crawl into the holes in the floor,
And also into the rips in my blazer.

It's foreign. 👁(Hello! Are you there?)👁
It's foreign. 👁(Come down to earth!)👁
I'll scream.👁(You're being dramatic.)👁
I'll scream. 👁(Just get more sleep!)👁

It's foreign.  (Can't handle this!)
It's foreign. (Can't handle this!)

This dread. 👁(Someone's outside?!)👁
This dread. 👁(My room isn't safe!)👁

I'm dead?! (He loves me more than ever now!)
I'm dead?! (........I let him.......)

Here we go again,
You and I,
Another round,
Can't see,
Through this,
Tiny window.

You said,
"Get the-"
I cut you off.

Here's to,
Your nonsense,
I'm 19 now,
Im over it.