The moment we forgot we were just good friends
You moved your arm, my face went red again
One more bus home, another silent weekend

You said love silently unfolds
And the owner mustn't know
For time will surely show
We'll return to the place we go

A comfort kneading against your sweater
"Keep your head up, we'll get better"
I do as I'm told, not as I tell
Regardless, though, my heart still swells

What - or who, am I to wince at your words?
To feel resent, betrayal, jealousy
About things you haven't said to me
Who am I? (To you?)

I wonder what you're doing right now
It's too cold in here.
Are you pondering something, perhaps?
I didn't eat yet today.
Is someone bothering you; would I be able to help?
I'll have to boil water for my bath later.
How many times do you think softly of me? Or at all?
I haven't brushed my hair, I wonder how messy I look.
I wonder if there's a part of a song or book you've fallen enticed by..
What are those sirens going off for?
I hope you're safe right now, and no one hurts you.
I have school tomorrow, I have to do that worksheet.
Would you still be uncomfortable if I were to hold you for a few seconds too long?
Would you still pull away if I said I want to kiss you?
Oh no, I'm crying again
Would you still sing to me
Not because something's happened, as it did then
But because I'm crying, as I was then?
Would you still sing to me?
Would you still sing?

Matter not how self destructive I was
For I've changed and I can say that firmly
I can say it proudly
I can say it loudly

Matter not how I blamed the world for my mistakes, my bad decisions
For I have changed, and I know it so
I acknowledge my own flaws,
My own bad judgement.

And I let it go.
I have learned to not let it eat at me
Because it's okay
I am fine

I do not need you anymore.
Or so I tell myself
Because how could I let myself
Believe otherwise?

Or is that self-destructive too?
Have I gone wrong again?
Oh but this is all for not
What good am I doing now

All of this, all of it is pointless.
You are of the past,
You will never ever meet with me again
In our secret place

You will never ever brush the hair out of my face
While I look up at the sun
And then I look into your eyes
You will never ever be there again.

So then I will not be there either.
You will never ever see me floating there again.
You will never ever see me smile at your arrival again.
You will never ever feel my hands on your back as I push you to swing a bit higher again.
You will never ever feel my nose nuzzle your arm, playfully begging for your attention again.
You will never ever see me in that floral dress again.

And I, will never ever forgive myself for loving you still.

“We” are becoming a game

A game of Hide my feelings
And Seek your touch

A game of Memory
While you memorize my curves
I memorize the curves of your smile

A game of ring around the truth
and let the thought of being together fall right down
my cheek as I cry from your words of
Guess Who doesn't love you

“We” have become that Puzzle
With the pieces that all look the same
And I’m not sure if our pieces fit together

One of those puzzles with the pieces that look like they’ll fit
But you won’t know for sure till you finish
But you aren’t sure you want to try hard enough to find out

A game where you Chute me that look
And I start to climb the Ladder
Even though I know I’m gonna have to slide back down eventually

A game where I constantly think about the sweet Candy that is you
and Land right back into reality
Knowing you’ll never get the Clue
And I’ll be the one who is Sorry
Even though I should have known you were Trouble all along

I’m starting to learn that this is Life
And the War with myself isn’t worth it
It isn’t worth
feeling like the Paper
While you are the Scissors
when really we are both stuck under this Rock

We just keep calling for Red Rover
to send sanity right over our way
so we can finally figure out the Monopoly of
Forged seduction

I’ll just continue to Go Fishing for the words
to unlock our mystery
so we can finally Connect
our Four arms together

‘We” are becoming a game
Where we are constantly Tagging
each other to be the one to say It first

A game where feelings are Cooties
and we have to Circle our brains
to find the Spot
Where we find out if we even have a Shot

You’ll just keep making me Tick
While I try to find a way
to Tack a label
Toe how I feel

Until I realise this is just Child's Play

It took me quite some time
to realize
that there comes a point
when love
is no longer a good enough excuse
to endure
constant disappointment.

Nobody knows
That when school starts up once again
Get back in the routine
Forget about the time
But then get caught off-guard
Walk outside to catch the bus in the noon
That burst of "I'm back" hitting my body like I'd fallen into nostalgic waters
For I hate the winter.
The absolutely consuming reminder of
When I thought I wouldn't make it through December
Nobody knows
The seasons mean much more to me

Nobody knows
When winter is near done and I've grown to find content in it
"This isn't that horrible," I thought to myself every morning.
Then I notice, eventually
The air doesn't frost my fingertips anymore
"Oh no.."
Dare not, the summer come again
For I hate the summer.
As what is supposed to be soothing air swallows my consciousness,
I remember
That night that she sang to me to cease my cries,
"You self destructive
Little girl
Pick yourself up
Don't blame the world
So you ******* up,
But it's gonna be okay."
It's like her voice echoes through the heavy air,
The words, replaying, thick
Almost as if it touches my very skin.
And I falter, for I cannot even tell
If I am crying because I hate her
Or because I love her
Oh, but
Nobody knows
The seasons mean much more to me

Cheesy poetry aside,
The feeling your attention gives me
Compares euphoria to ecstasy
Makes me stutter,
And makes my heart skip
I shiver, and choke up
And you laugh
And I laugh
And then it's better
It gets easier
I get more comfortable
I breathe steadier
I stop shaking
I giggle softer
My heart beats like a soothing melody,
And you are the musician.