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  Jun 2018 Andrew Choo
Emily Miller
My father walked me down the aisle,
But my mother held my arm.
He went with me,
But we went not towards the altar,
But towards the door.

My father walked me down the aisle,
And the ***** rang through the church,
Humming through the elaborate crown molding,
Carved by my ancestors.

He went,
Not beside me,
But before me,
And I watched,
As he was illuminated by the bright,
Overbearing,
Texas sun.

My father walked me down the aisle,
But I did not wear white.
My father walked me in silence,
And I shed tears not for a man standing at the altar,
But for the one I would never see again.

My father walked me down the aisle,
And no veil obscured my face.
All eyes were upon me, but not for my pristine beauty,
Instead for my clenched jaw and furrowed brow,
Severe and fierce to distract from my glassy eyes.

My father did not leave me at the end of our walk to sit beside my mother.
She clung to me for support and sobbed breathlessly,
Loudly,
Unavoidably,
And I carried her with one hand,
My sister the other,
And walked towards my future.
A future family,
Not one person more,
But one person less.
I walked,
One final time,
With him.

My father walked me down the aisle,
And I will never forget it.
Hundreds of eyes isolating my family from the crowd,
Slow and muffled sounds drowning in the deafening beat of my heart,
Blurred faces staring,
Black heels clacking against the cobbled path from the church,
The anguished wails of my mother,
The whimpering of my sister,
And the wooden box that glided before us,
Pulling,
A string tied to our patriarch,
The pin key of our family,
Pulled taut and then snipped with the slam of the hearse doors.

My father walked me down the aisle,
Before I had a chance to grow up.
He walked me,
Out of the church,
Away from the altar,
Never to be walked again.
Andrew Choo Jun 2018
Hey.
So, there's a thing
That's been
Eating me up inside.
Most people think that
It's a fire, or
An everlasting flame.
But...
It's not.

It's something else.
Something that engulfs me
And overwhelms me.
It's incredibly powerful.
But not in the way
That you're thinking.
It's like a leech;
A parasite that's not
Willing to let go.
Instead, it just
Gets a grip and
Holds on for dear life
Until I die...

You see,
Death is a...
A questionable thing.
Death is what
Many fear and dread.
***** to **** because
This world we live in,
More than you know,
Is broken and dead.

They say to
Fake it till you fail.
Except failure is
Not an option.
Fake it till you make it.
Except I'll never make it.
I'm already losing, and
There's no motivation
To live and to last.

Long-lasting,
Never fasting;
Always faster,
Getting stronger.
Facing cold,
Facing heat;
On the edge,
Can't be beat.
Because this life
That I live is
A struggle and a mess,
Full of pressures and stress;
Dying down,
Broken and bound.

What more can I say?
There's no direction,
Only destruction.
No brethren,
Only a burden.
It's like it's not worth it.
Life isn't worth living.
And you know,
As sad as that sounds,
I really do believe it.
I really wish life would --
-- end.

People say that it's
My pride
My self-relying strength
My mind
That's truly killing me.
And maybe,  
Just maybe they're right.
Maybe it is an issue with me.
They tell me that
I can't do it alone.
But I'll do everything
In my power
To prove them wrong.

Don't tell me that
I can't do it alone.
Don't tell me that
Failure is a good thing.
Failure is an opportunity.
Failure is growth.
Failure is a learning curve.
Let me tell you something;
Failure is not an option.
For me to fail is like
Being weak and vulnerable,
Worthless and useless.

You see,
This thing that's
Eating me up inside.
Yeah, it's... Ha.
It's killing me.
No one even realizes that
One of their own is
Dying.
Drowning.
19 and barely counting.
  Jun 2018 Andrew Choo
Barker
Is it really worth it?
Does loving you out weigh the cons?
You mean everything to me.
But I have these voices in my head
Telling me it's wrong.
These voices make me second guess everything.
I don't know.
What if I'm doing something wrong?
What if you don't really love me?
What if I'm just fooling myself?
...
What if you're just playing with me?
I've had my heart played with before.
What if this is all just set up for heartbreak?
I can't withstand another break up.
What if?
...
These voices keep me up at night.
I can barely sleep.
Sometimes I don't sleep at all.
I just lay awake thinking of all the possibilities.
I can hear the voices telling me that you don't like me.
I can hear them saying things that I know aren't true.
But they make me doubt everything.
I don't know what the truth is anymore.
And that scares me.
(c)ibarker
  Jun 2018 Andrew Choo
Aaron Bee
I only loved you
when it was
Convenient
I'm really sorry
that I  didn't think
of you
( When it really mattered.)
What's the matter with my
soul? It isn't correct
but nothing feels wrong.

I feel something , I don't know
if it's "sorry".

Looking into the void.
I think I seen you.

Reached out.
We met again.

For the first time.

It was love


Possibly maybe.

holding on to right now.


Frozen. your face perfection.

Eyes closed.

Waiting so anxiously for you
to open them.

You don't.
   My heart arrested by your beauty.
   Shatters when you chose not
   to look at me.



I don't feel any signs of growing.
Been feeling like escaping into romantic perspectives. Wrote this at 1am this morning at work, listening to "on hold" by the **
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