I remember the day you asked if we had always been this way.
If the love, or at least what we thought love to be, has ever been.

I looked into your eyes and I really considered telling you the truth.
Wouldn't that be a first?
I looked into wanting eyes and I could feel your skin trembling.

I told you that we had always tried to make each other feel numb, a little bit dead inside, just enough to keep us going.

I told you we were both so terrified of feeling more, that we are still so desperate for touch, that we never would have been able to touch each other properly.

I told you that a part of me abhorred you and that a part of you had always felt the same for me.

But the truth is my sweet, I love you in every version of you and me. In every way we thought and still think love to be.

Somewhere
Far from here
Is a heavenly place

Where I bathe my head
In primrose water

Poetry flows
From rosebud lips

And dreams float
Before my eyes

Somewhere far from here
Birds sing delicate melodies
While Gallic harps play ancient music

Friendships abound
Abundant as the wild grasses

Somewhere far from here
Each single moment
Is precious
And special

Gentle folks gather to hear
Great stories of heroism

Somewhere far from here
The efforts of men
Combine to make
The wings of peace
And families relax
Into their most creative natures

Somewhere far from here
People yearn to inhabit
A place that can be created
A place that can be found

Mental funerals, empty epitaphs
How sad it is when nothing ever lasts

you wish that you could fix everything
but you are just one human living one flawed existence
you've made your mistakes
and I can't believe you managed to do this

you left the girl who wrote i love you's in the snow and kissed your cold lips for six months over an ill-conceived thought formed by the disease devouring your brain

you let the impulsive mania take over
quickly devour all the love that she had for you
all of the time she gave to you
and spit it all back in her face

and left me with the mess that you made

I followed the rule " if it fits in your rucksack fine, but if not leave it"
travelling light and fast at the drop of a hat worked for a long time.
All that physical Army training kept me swift of foot and forever propelled searching for the next horizon. I must have walked for years on and off, with a big shaggy coated German Shepherd for company from age 8 weeks to nine years old, he lived on for another five years, out to pasture with another dog and five cats for company at a very old friends place. I am glad I wasn't there when he finally passed, I think it might well have broken my heart, too much of a coward to be there at his end.