Writing is my ecape
Endless roads engraved in my view
Because my words hate me more than you
Inflicting oppression like im not already fighting depression
Demons grabbing at my heels
Peeling away the skin
Just let me take a dive
Im tired of performing
For actors with no domain
Maybe i was once insane
Still fighting clocks like the human heart never stops
Singing a tune with bloodshot eyes
Please forgive my lie
I cant stop with the ****** rhymes
I'm just done writing home
Shes long  gone now

Every morning i  wake up
Dawn my blouse
Boot band my trousers
grab my cover and storm out the door

Every day i train for an enemy that has not show his face or is already at my front door
Killing my brothers and sisters
Sometimes even the people I swore to protect


But not everyday do i go out and fire a round
or blow up a town square
But i am the villain
I am the bad guy who has the flag he wakes up and salutes
Stepped on and trashed for not things ive done but things of people of lesser degree

But my conviction stays sharp and my aim holds strong
even as i have lost my bestfriend and a father
Even as i cant start a new year with my family
or open presents with my sisters and brothers
I cant kiss my girl buy her a new dress to model for me but can watch videos of the people i protect walk on my flag and desecrate what i stand for.

But Hello to the bad guy

I'm afraid of the man
That comes knocking at my door half past dawn
With a whisper in his arm
Looking for my soul to take with him to the Chapel
For another raffle

I was seeking your energy
But lacking our chemistry
You had made it clear
I had nothing to fear
twisting and turning along broken dreams
Wondering how i was to mend our scars
with  my broken dreams and endless scars
I tried gluing the pieces in all Nashville's bars
Sin in a cup tha
Anger stumbling my approach
Anger builds up after a lifetime of silence
This is nothing new you just ignored the sirens
Tilted the boiling cup over but i was to trust you werent out to end me
Said my secrets were so safe
That they were locked in a safe
Given the time i wanted you to unlock me
But you left in a whisper so was I to blame for hiding away
I packed up your memories  that was left in my mind
Acknowledging the fact you were never mine
But dont tell me you offered me shelter
When my coat is soaked with all your woes absent in a painful toll

The liquor invades my system
I try to comprehend love from lust
But all I fallback into is you
My soul mate but your soul less
Invading my mind like miners seeking gold
I'm not using you correctly
Because your in my veins
I'm losing control crashing home

12 Pm. .
She is at rest
The heat off her body is intoxicating
I run my hands up and down her side
Gripping her breast
Soaring under cover and prying open her legs
Sliding and kissing whats mine
Taking my time
Fastening my fingers in the warmness of her body
Knowing its divine somewhere a shrine
pouring myself inside her
She lurches at the first stroke
Moaning and Falling for more
My name gestures from her lips
Under her breathe so I give her what she wants
Pulling her aboard as I climb into her
Taking her gravity  and replacing it with my energy
Stimulating to find the missing parts
Cherishing her more than  a broken home
Casing the sheets with our sweat and tone
Exposing her as a diamond under the lenses
Ending her tune
Releasing my lust
Finishing her spite
Ending the night

With a broken heart
Battling writers block
Is like stringing a broken harp
More or Less
Played the part
Venus and Jupiter
Vary in Color
But they still have one another
Dying my paint set to match my mood
If only make up for a man
To disguise my pain
To hide behind a mask so fake
It crackled underneath
But i cant sleep
I cant even breathe
Its as if I have choked on your spite
And died with its strife

How can you play victim with a handful of cards
The ones you dealt left me in awe
You burnt into my core that I was the one
Gazed into my heart and I sold you my soul
But now im the one drowning in the stone
Pouring from the wounds you left at your depature
But im the chosen one

I kick off my boots and remove my uniform
This my first year but its taking a toll
I hold a gun in my hand kick doors in and after drink
I drink
laugh
wash it away
Ive been away from my mom for awhile now
I lost my girl
My dad

Its all starting on pile on now
Its watching a train derail
Its watching them run from there homes
Its watching a bullet force you to bleed like sand  in an hourglass
But i still saddle up
Look into the mirror at the metal on my chest that clanks because  i refuse to silence them
They have become a part of me
But im afraid it mine next they will be bringing home
All ****** and warm
Like the body of the deer the man next door brought home
I wake up sore not physically but mentally
My dreams argue for a time to broadcast my memories but the sleep just creeps over and fall into the abyss

Since I lost my father
Mother
I've been losing my touch with everything
Mother
Like the gravity of it has finally hit me
Isolated and gone
Momma
I wish it wasnt like this
Mum
I wish i didnt feel like this
Like a lost lil kid under a bridge cars passing him by with a sign in his hand
Wondering where the hell is home
Mommy
It amazes me that i am about to see 20 and my dad died this year
so i  gathered up my soul and burned a bush for something to happen
like killing myself would bring him back
A life for an life
and eye for and eye
I just have yet to go blind
that reality isn't fine

Have you ever danced in broken glass
That's how my heart looked in your debature
I didnt know how i would make it through
So i wrote as i always do in tales of 2
Myths and Fiction to counter my addiction
How have i become so wilted
My leaves are falling my roots have all but dried
Now your pulling me up like a ****
I could have sworn i was a rose even with my thorns
All of sudden it starts to burn
It was never about me when i had you
everything in my body
It was all for you
From start to finish
I almost died for you
Only time could tell us two
We had hearts afraid of our truth

At the end of the day i hate you like the sun watching the moon

I hate you so much i cant be without you
So much when i breathe i choke because you aren't there

I'm so lost in hate
i write love poems in paradoxes
Getting so lost between lines
My eyes roll into the back of my head
and i find myself singing this song

"Baby if knew where this poem ended I wouldn't still be here writing in my woes "

She told me
My body comforted her more than her silk sheets
She kissed me
And told me if felt better than the diamonds I painted on her neck
She hugged me
But didnt tell me what it meant to her
She whispered
Somethings are better left in the Dark
But when I flicked on the lights
I saw her and him
Not me and her
But her and him
the angry heart ceased
Cold as if  were dead
Cold like the pulse of the dead man
I wanted to be

Seems like the blindfolds
Get thinner and darker
The far away I fall from my star
The less sanity plays a part
Believing this is all so real
But writing from beginning to end is
becoming the death of myself
originality in an old painting
heat burning behind my lenses
my frames wonder what all this means
cure the heart and destroy the throne
its all going downhill
take me home
screaming
yelling
i dont want any
more
writing so fast my words
are all a blur
titled i wondered where you found this man
"in a pile of broken bones " vaguely she replied
I will haunt your heart day to day
till i find a way to forget that you stayed

I was seeking a reaction that never came
Often because you left me bleeding at the veins
Your only excuse left a stain
Resented you deeply but i was the one to blame
Somehow i always showered you in gold
You pointed me the fool as you stepped on my toes
I never said anything just followed your flow
I was only a guest in your playful show
A puppet to distraction as i mentored your madness
Closing my mind in disaster
I called up the plug I gave him my order
Pulled over told him it's for my disorder
An addiction to darkness
Creeping toxin slowly taking away my sickness
Puff and inhale let her bliss consume you
I roll up a new one better yet I made two
Double the antidote to cure  the traffic escaping our hearts
To bad i never wrote what was at stake going this far
I chased your for miles overlooking the signs
Ignoring the newspaper to read between the lines.

It was heavy like a punch to the face
Like being drained of everything was enough
I found myself losing my strength
Drawing out my weakness
I'm not sure how something with such gravity
Cut me this deep

Lighting never struck
Close to the road
Where the roses
Died off